STORYETTES.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 12083, 11 August 1917, Page 5

STORYETTES.

DECEIVERS EVER. " "What an awful 1 time you tako to get ready, Mildred! I wonder your husband doesn't object to waiting." Mildred turned from the mirror with the wiliness of former ancestresses in her eye." " Now, look here, ray dear girl," she said, "you're going to bo married, so I'll tell yon a .secret. My husband's nover quarrelled with mo for btang late '' "You surprise me, for look at, the time you'tako! Jack 'would bo horribly uur.oyed." '• It's like this. "When ho tells mo to hurry, I say, ' All right, dear. C4et your hat and stick, and I'll be with iou. ' " "Well?" " You see. I previously hide them both, and when I go down and find them for him, it is ho that has to apologise for keeping mo waiting! " ONE OF TKE OLD SCHOOL. "To-day maup;» twenty-Svo .years since you and 1 hare worked together, 'Jims/' said old Niggard the manufacturer. "And I havo dono well—very well." "Yes, boss/' answered Tims, thinking of his thirty shillings a week. Nov:, here is a little present that win please the wife and kiddies," said 0.N., pressing a large biuo envelope 011 his old workman. •'l'm sure boss, it's very good—" Jut. tut! Don't ment'on it! Just cut along home, and not another word! '' "With visions of bank notes, crisp and crnokiy, Tims raced homo with the gift, and amidst great excitement, opened it in the presence of his numerous family. To !ii? amazement, out fell a portrait of his old gov'nor. " Well, Tixns," said O.N. genially, next morning " how did you like rny little gift? " "Oh." said Tims laconically, "it's just like yer ! " T.ITE DIPLOMATIST. "They certainly look very neat," paid the sah'sniitr. in the hoot- stores. '' Tluv are just the shoiv; for yuu. madam." " AVlnu's the price?" nhc asked. " Oiie guinea." i; Oh," sin.--gasped, hurriedly taking the shoe oil, •• lit teen .«hill:ng3 is as much a:* ever I can £0 to! " "May I just try it on again, madam, to sen your size? Ah. vus; the simp* :>f your foot shows to advantage in this■ shoe, and it is a size smaller than tho one you are wearing. 'Thar, is the :-nly fault with our guinea .'.hoes, their fitting is -:o accurate that the sizes ere consequently smaller." "But." she protested feebly, I iidn't want to nay " " Quitd so, madam. I will get down ;ome of your fiftecn-and-six designs. Pee? This shoe is a three. but yon tvili need a four sizo in that price shoe." Her colour came and went for a moment, as me-'ins fcirntrtded with vanity " I think I'll have these guinea oneo. if tor all," she said. "They arc so comfortable ! " HOT-DING IT IX. A yard-master was interviewing applicants for the post of driver or a motor-'bus, and among the volunteers .'as an Irishman. "Can you drivo a car? " asked the card-master. "Can Oi drive a car!" repeated tho Irishman, scornfully. "TVoli, supposo yoa mil tho 'bus into the shed?" Pat climbed on the tremblinc vehicle. He tooked around, spat on his hands, grabbed the biggest lever, and pulled it'for all he was worth. Zip! she went into tho shed. Pat saw trouble ahead, and, guessing what would happen, reversed the lever. Out she went—in .'again—out again 'Hie yard-master yelled:— " I thought you said you could run e motor-car? " But Pat .had an answer ready. "Oi had it in three times. Why didn't you shut- the door? "