SMILE SEED.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 12065, 21 July 1917, Page 5

SMILE SEED.

Shopper: "Do you keep stationary? Floorwalker: "No, madam; if 1 did I'd lose my job."

" He said I was an addlepated jackass- What would you advise me to do about it?" " Seo a good veterinary."

Onei class of hypocrite throws irAid at a man while he is alive, and puts flowers on his coffin when he is dead. The average fellow who has money to burn is the one who has long ago learned not to burn it.

" Why call me tho consumer?" asked the guy "who pays the bills. " All Ido is produce 1" The trouble with most of us is that when we get what we deeerve wo don't believe it.

When you tee it stated that a good man has gone wrong you know that a natural born crook hjyl his first good chance. Patience: "She thinks her face is her fortune." Patrice: "Well, I wouldn't like to have her leavo it to xoo."

A man may have all kinds of liabilities, bub if bo has the faculty of critical introspection bo is far from bankrupt.

P.O. 40 (pointing to the name-plate on tho Irishman's cart: I seo your name's obliterated!" "You " "You're a loir; it's Flannigan." If all mnn wero compelled to practise what they preach the majority of tliem would discontinue the preaching habit. When some families begin to have their washing done they feel as though they have taken the first- step toward going into society. Willie: " But if you elope with her you'll offend all her relations." Tommy '" Just what I want to do, dear boy. Look at the price of food!" " Have you learned to dance yet in the cabaret " "No, but I can sort of keep time with the music with my jaws as I chew."

As long as women are women, a man's first lore will never doubt him when he swears that she will bo tho last—and his last love will always believe him.when he vows that she is the first.

"Don't you wish you knew as much as your children think you do r : ' " No, 1 wish I knew as much as iny children think they do." Some people don't pat hash away from homo because they don't know what is in it,- while others do not oat it nt. homo because they do know what it. in it.

"Hero, cabby: you haven't pi von me enough change.' 1 " Well, mister, yo can't expect to hire a hoss an' leerridgo an' a expert accountant for CO cents a mile." Old Gotrox: " How dare you ask for my daughter when you are working for such a small 6alary?" Nervy Suitor: " Well I didn't want to throw up the job until I was sure of your consent." "Hello, Mikel Where did you get that black eye?" " Why, O'Grady's just come back from his honeymoon, an' 'twas mo advised him t' get married."

Little Reggie had been to church. On the way home he said tb his mother "Mummy, have I a fish heart?" " A fish heart, Reggie? What do you mean?" "Why, it says in the hymn book, 'Guide and guard my erring heart,' Have I a 'erring heart?"

Mrs Smith- "When I travel T'nU ways feel so much at home on a sleeping car." Mrs Brown: "Why are you so affected?" Mrs Smith: "Because the "Inst thing I hear is a violent *nore."

A woman can be constant to any' man she happens to prefer, even though she doesn't love him; but a man may lovo a woman better than anyone else on earth, yet bis heart fiim-. ply won't "stay in dock."

Lawyer: "But if the woman was walking in front of you, and you ctfnld not seo her faco, how do you know she was very pretty?" Client: "Bless you! Couldn't I see the faces of flier blokes coming towards her?"' !• Captured German prisoner, with his guard: " Aeh, Chermany is the place where they make zo Zeppelins." Jock (clinching the argumenti " Ay, they are made in Germany; a' rioht', but they're finished in Britaii."

"I suppose if your candidate tad been elected some radical changes •would havo been made in the govejivment?" "Yes," replied the patty worker, in a melancholy tone. "We had good men Tiioked out for all tiio ' imuortant r> laces,"