KAISER "INTERVIEWED."

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11764, 31 July 1916, Page 7

KAISER "INTERVIEWED."

- ■— WHAT ME HIS THOUGHTS? LONDON JOURNALIST TRIES TO FATHOM. Perhaps the keenest analysis of the present situation of the war, and the most luminous reading of its immediate future, is supplied, under the disguise of an interview with tho Kaiser, by Mr James Douglas, one of tho ablest writers of the London Press, .who has an imagination with a touch of weirdliko vision in. it. The most valuable bit of "copy" that could bo had at the present moment is a transcript of tho real opinions about tho war held by the German High Command; and Mr Douglas, in this "interview," undertakes to penetrate the Kaiser's brain and tell us what thoughts lie unspoken in it. The "interview" is, of course, pure invention; but it has .the impact and convincing power of reality. In form it is iiction; in spirit it is fact.

Mr Douglas congratules tho Kaiser upon his " dazzling victories " ;. whereupon he frowns and snaps out, " What victories?" "Russia is down and out " says Mr Douglas. ' I wish," the Kaiser retorts, " Hindenburg thought so; I wish Enver thought so; I wish I thought so. The havo so many men that they aro sending legions to Franco." "Phantoms!" said I. "Do you believe in that old myth?" " Look at this," ho cried, showing mo a sheaf of photographs taken at Marseilles. "The camera cannot lie." " But your victories at Verdun,'" said Mr Douglas, "do you forget them?" " Forget them t" he screamed. "Am I likely to. forget them? Are my people likely to forget them? My friend, when I die they will find the word Vordun graven on my heart. Do you know that .Verdun hn-s cost me 300,000 men?" " There remains Turkey," the Kaiser is told: "Are you aware." .sneers the Kaiser, "that old Von dor Golta was murdered? Are you aware that the Russians have taken Erzeroum and Trebizond, and. before long they will cut the railway behind Bagdad? Do you know that tho Turks are threatening to make, peace if 1 do not send them more money, and more munitions?" By way of comfort tho Kaiser is reminded that Bulgaria is immovahlo: "Yon are right." he snarled bitterly. "Bulgaria refuses to move. That scoundrel Ferdinand is trying to sell me as ho sold Serbia. My only comfort is that nobody'would buy the Balkan Judas."

The Kaiser refused to discover any reason for comfort. in Rumania, and Mr Douglas, in accents of wonder, declares the Kaiser must have joined the pessimists. The reply is: - "1 have been a pessimist," he replies, " since tho French won tho battle of the Marne, and banged, barred and bolted tho door of the west in my face." . . **

The Kaiser refused to discover any comfort in the organising genius of his people: . , s

"I'm organised to death," ho says. My people are'on rations." '', They liko it," replies Mr Douglas. The lower their diet the higher their spirit. Remember how long Paris held out m 1870. Your Brandenburgers can hold out for ever."

A beleaguered city," says the Kaiser, is one thing; a beleaguered Bnir pire j S another. Seventy pillions on short commons,that grow shorter every ? 10-n not - like to ihink of Paris. o\r?l° £' G ?H vvcd the' French., In Ulb the English are starving us." ( lint, remonstrates Mr Douglas, tlio German newspapers with ono voice dec are that the English cannot Ugit much longer; German submarines will starve them into surrender?" "Fairy tales!" said the Kaiser. "I know more about the English than they know themselves. They are always strafing each other for being lukewarm and, lethargic- Heavens! If they only knew what they have done to mo! They catch, my submarines as fast .as I send them out. Their seas are alive with devilries.' Have you beard of their . . .? H. ayo you heard of their . . . ? The worst of it Js that they never blab. Our submarines go out and never' conic back. It has got on my nerves. And my German pigs imagine that, my undersea boats rule the waves! I-daro not undeceive them. . They would kick me off my throne if they guessed tho truth. And thoso infernal Yankees want me to abandon my last bluff! 1 rc'ast give up something I haven't got! Bah!"

Every German editor, of course, is confident that tho English are "tired oi' tho war," and will give' it m> out of mero weariness: but the Kaiser does not sharo that illusion:

"I know the English," ho says. "'•' They stick, and stick,' and stick. They thrive upon disasters. They flourish on defeats. I pounded them at Mons. They grinned. ■ I pounded them at Ypros. They grinned again. They pretend to he downhearted, but. they don't bamboozle mo. Their armies*grow and grow. Their chips breed and breed. Their money chokes mo everywhere. And in England the people hardly know they are at war. • " They arc the greatest nation on earth/' cried. " They i\ru also the wiliest and craftiest. they deceived me—even me ! They duped me. They cheated me out of my war, and gave me their war. I was a fool, and they knew it."

Mr Douglas ends by inquiring whether tho German Zeppelins have not terrified'tho English to the point whero ■they are ready to mako peaco: "Don't he rude," replied the Kaiser. "They laugh at them. Nothing terrifies the English except their politicians. Let me tell yon tho secret of the English. They are never satisfied, and they are, never beaten. When CVy win the war they will try to persuade the world that they have lost it, and the German!; will try to persuade the world that they have won it." "Yen think tho English will win?" said I. " They have won," said the Kaiser, "but they don't know it. The German?; have, lost, but they don't know it,' Now to put these views on tho Kaiser's lips, nnd represent them as the real thoughts of tho Kaiser's mind, is a very happy stroke of audacity. '•Our talk.'' Mr Dt'agln? ''was conducted in dreamland; but I believe m dream:-:''