SMILE SEED.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11685, 29 April 1916, Page 3

SMILE SEED.

< ; What did de white folks put Brudd'er Sinners; in iraol for. sah? " I ngoHe done had Hvo wives,." ;; What makes you .so sure that the old Roman senators wore .."honest:" ••Simple enough—togas didn't have pockets." Little Girl: "A loaf, please." Shopkeeper: " Bread's gone up a lia P<'»".v this morning." Little (Jirl: " " oil, give me one of yesterday's." Mrs Tarr: " Sisiah Sobstoek has jest 20t a divorce from her husban'. ' Airs Wombat: "Don' .say? How much ammonia, did de court grant her:" Dignified Stranger (at news-stand): •• Which of these papers is (ho most lrighlv respectable;"" Newsman " this one, 1 guess. Xobody buys it." *<■ What aro vour davtEchtors .studying now 9 " <: Nothing." replied Mr CiimJox " "Thev'vo ' learned Ml about music, painting an' literature. All they've got to learn is not to bother people ■witlx-thenu'*-

•'' I'm ■afraid, ."Johnny." said the Sunday school teacher, rather severely. "that I will never meet you in., heaven" " "Wliy 1 J What you been ■ dom"r"' "There are. things more valuable than money." ruminated the philosopher. ''Sure." retorted, the ieonot'la.si. " That '■=■ tlie reason I" need money to buy tben^" " Is your husband, an optimist:-'" •' Well," replied ' ilue tired-looking woman. '' bo'~s an optimist, in hoping for the host, hut a good deal of a pessimist in working " J • "The Allies don't appear t n be making much headway in Macedonia." " ]. suppose not," agreed .Mrs Xurich. " But. then, those savages must bo terribly hard to convert." First Surgeon: "I'm really Urn busy to operate on hini. But 1 Mtpose I ought to." Second Surgeon: " | s it. neccssarv? '" V)ysl Surgeon: "Well, no, hut,' (!ou:t want tl> a precedent.'"' . ■; FivKi C'lianfFour: " Bill's -been a Yhr.ufiYur ten years and never nut over nobodv vet." Second Chauffeur: " Wefl. Bill'* »n absont-nrmdocl cuss. He's alwavs oi : something

'•Why do'.you write -articles on how J ehoaplv people can live if *hey try.' •• in the "hope of-potting enough money to avoid having to live that way. '•TV Bible tolls us wo should lovo our neighbours."" r.r.icl the pom! deacon. ••Yes. but the Bible was wruten bofor. 01ir neighbours lived so close.' n-pl.ed the more manWaitress: ''thmnummunuminumnnmummummerum." ••Tmnuumnummummummeinni. U.-U----rc- -'What did you say, ml-r ja- • i n ~,+ . i: M-iino US vol dni. penoneocl Guest: same a. . Jh-ing 'em along." Guest: •'■.l'm Kind there's a rope her. in case of iirc ; but what is the ulea o) mttm' n Bible in the room m such a HSnt position?" <H>at am mtend od foil use. sah, in cast the hro am far advamvd l'oh you to make yeb escape, .sah." -' Could \o" all W mo ? S''i ll(l " stone?" asked Mr Erastus Pmklcy. '•Yes; hut what yo' want ivif ft gnnd.stone? Yo' got. no ax.-. ' -'No; norJ ai'nt got no wood In chop yit, nor no chicken air eohubroa<l to cook over ue fire. Hut von got to do one thing Jit a time in (lis life, an' I joss natchelly I'us to stall t somewhere."

•''Ever feel the call of tho wild?" ' asked the brst .clerk. "Lots ot tinv«* " answered the second clerk. MVimt do po out and dodge a few automobile. The feeling soon wears off. The Patient: '"What! You refuse to allow mv claim? You told me wUen I was insured that I'd got something if 1 was: sick, didn't you?'' Agent: '•'Well, von must have gotten something, or you wouldn't he sick, would VOl!?'" •' So von're uoing to leave us, Marv?*"' •'•'Yes,"" mum. I've got to. ••And do yon want me, to^ give you a. letter of recommendation?'' i; ft sunt necessarv. iiiuin. The man I'm going to work" for is willin' to take chances. I'm leavin' to get married." Young Guide: •'Jimmy, I've .struck j the softest snap- you ever see. Dis here ■| 010 ]] )iU ) i s doaf -and blind, an' lie. hires me to take him to■ prayer meetin' cvory night, !iin' lie don't know no bettor than ' to gi,vo me a dollar to put in do poor box afore we leaves de house. Bo -what ' does I do but 'walk de old guy down ; to d'e T'eater an' buys two tickets, an' , ho sifs t'rough d'o Avholo performance, [ an' ho don't know no difference."'