THE STORYTELLER.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11609, 29 January 1916, Page 7

THE STORYTELLER.

SUSPICIOUS. The gentleman; had just related to the lady an anecdote with a double entendre ill it. And the lady, being such, did not smile. "Aha!" he said, in disappointed tones, "you prove that women have bo sense of humour. You didn't see the point, did you?" " No," she answered, with dignity. "Not if it's what I &\ispect it is." A STAR BOARDER. The curate was engaged in a theological disoussioai with his landlady, and in the course of it asked: "And what do you think of the character ot St Paul?" The landlady answered: " Ah! he was a good soul. Do you remember how he onco said wo should eat what is set before us and ask no questions for conscienco sake? T've often thought how I would have liked him for a boarder." VERY LEAN. There was onco an old Scotch crofi tor who. when giving evidence before the crofters' commission, admitted that while he was the owner of three *cows, ! " the beasties wer as thin aa Pharaoh's lean kine." The chairman, thinking to corner old Kenneth, asked him to say how lean Pharaoh's kine wore. Even a seventeenth century divine would have wanted a. day or two to think this over. But Kenneth answered at once, " They were sae lean that they o'u'd only be eeen in a dream." BROUGHT UPThe head of a big London business concern is exceptionally tall, and his height is further accentuated by his exceeding slimnesi. One day a visitor f/os tho ec-iintr.v; czilad to c.zs> vh.ja, &r.i waa duly asked to sit down. Aitsv they had concluded tlieir business the visitor rosa to go, and his host rose also, aad seemed to rise and rise. The visitor, letting his glance travel upward, as though inspecting a now species of skyscraper, and with an ex~ preswon of awed admiration, ejaculated : " Great Scott, old man, your parents must have trained you on a trellis!" OORNEKED. He had been courting the girl for a long time. It happened on Sunday night after church, and she looked with ineffable tenderness .into his noble eyes "Tom," she murmured, "didn't you toll mo onco you would be willing to do any act of heroism for my sake?" "Yes, .Mary, and I would gladly reiterate that statement now," he replied. "No Roman of old, however brave, was evor fired with a loftier ambition, a braver resolution than I." " Well, Tom, I want you to do something really heroic me." "Speak, darling, what is it?" " Ask me to be your wife." HER ORDER. An elderly lady on her first railway trip in England noticed the communication cord overhead, and was told by a mischievous boy that it was to ring when she wanted anything to eat. Shortly afterwards the old lady reached up with her umbrella and gave it a vigorous pull. The whistle sounded, the brakes were put together eharply in the driver's effort to stop. Presently the guard came rushing along the train and asked, " Who pulled that cord?" "I did," replied the old lady, meekly. "Well, what do you want?" snapped the official impatiently. " You may bring mo some ham sandwiches and a cup ot tea if you will." STRATEGY.

Two youngsters, one the possessor of a permit, were fishing on a certain estate when a gamekeeper suddenly darted from a thicket. The lad with the permit uttered a cry of fright-, dropped his rod, and ran off at top speea, The gamekeeper was led a swift chase. Then, worn out, the boy baited. The man seized him by the arm and said between pants: " Have-you a permit to fish on this estate?" "Yes, to be sure," said the boy quietly. "You have? Then show it to me." The boy drew the permit from his pocket. The man examined it and Irowned in perplexity and anger. "Why did you run when you had this permit? ;r he asked. "To let the other boy get away." was the reply. "He didn't, have none." TOO EASY. In the time of the Second Empire there had been, at Compiegne, a great and elegant hunting party, with a tremendous massacre of Lares and pheasants and other game. Standing in chosen spots the emperor and his followers had the game driven up before them, and had nothing to do but shoot it down. These highborn hunters had but to stoop to pick up the game that they shot; but they did not even do as much as that. Their valets, dressed in picturesque costumes, went about picking up their game for them. As the hunters returned after the day's sport /it was noticed that Prosper Alerimee, who was one of the party, waa the only one whose servant was not laden with game. He was left completely in the lurch, as it were, without having taken so much as a sparrow. "Well, well!" his literary fellows exclaimed; "how did they manage to get away from you?" " When gamo is so plenty as that," said Merimee, gravely, " the merit of a marksman lies in hitting nothing. So I lired between tho birds." TOUGH BIRD. It was somewhere along the battle front, and a young German lieutenant and his orderly were on patrol duty. One day they had ridden for fourteen hours with not a bite of food. At nightfall they came to a battery of heavy artillery. Here they dismounted and asked for supper. The captain in charge of the battery bid them welcome, and remarked: "You can have some nice turkey for your supper after your leng fast." The meat was produced and the lieutenant took a largo mouthful. As he began to chew no glanced up suspiciously at the captain. "I beg your pardon, captain, but did I understand you to say that this was turkey?" "Certainly, lieutenant, it is turkey." The lieutenant ate some more, and then said: " Are you really sure. Herr Captain, that tkfe ia tr.rkoyr" " Oh 4 quite sure, Herr Lieutenant. Of course it's turkey." Tho lieutenant ato some more, and then, thanking the captain for his hospitality, he turned to his orderly. "Fritz," ho said, "saddle our turkeys." NO RISKS. Brother Simmons was a brand newly snatched from tho burning. Until the momentous night when ho " sot religion " he had been a successful professional gambler among h.i.3 people of the Afro-American tribe. " After do sarmin t"'inor' night, Brudder Simmons," said old Deacon Whang, "we all is gwine to hove a rousin' hozanner mcetin' and burn up yo' pai>phnalia, bless de Lawd!" "Burn up which?" returned Brother Simmons in some astonishment. "Yo' gamblin' outfit. When a spo'tin' man gits converted and washed whiter \dan snoWj dey alius burns up his kyahds and dice and sich scan'lous stuff a 6 dat, midst loud shouts o' praise. Do Lawd is wid 'em, and de gamblin' brudder steps fo'th and flings his par'phnalia on do fiah and stands wid bowed head whilst——" "Not me! I ain't gwine to do no sich-uh thing!" "But, mull goodnes, brudder, yo' am converted, isn't yo', and-— h "Yassnhr! T's sho' converted, but dat don't make me a blame fool! T mought backslide and need dat stuff!"