SMILE SEED.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11594, 12 January 1916, Page 7

SMILE SEED.

" Well, old* chap, do you think Miss Van Billion intends to buy you?" asked the first duke. "My dealt boy, I really cami't tell, don't you know? Some days I think she does; then at other times, old top, I fear she is merely shopping," replied the second duke.

Kane: "I understand that you married the daughter of Swink, the dry cleaner."

Swavne: "No; I'm still pressing my suit.""

"Do you go in for aviation?" he asked' the beauty. "No; not for aviation. One goes in for sea bathing, but for aviation one goes up."

" I see they defeated woman suffrage in your State." " Woman suffrage," replied Mrs Votewell, "cannot be defeated. They succeeded only in postponing it." * »

# Penelope: "Did the play have a happy ending?" Percival: "How should I know?" "Penelope: "You saw it, didn't von?" Pedcival: " Yes, but the hero and the heroine married each other."

* "What a great event the discovery of America was." "Yes." replied Miss Cayenne. And ■what a comfort its rediscovery has been to a number of United: States citizens who forgot all about it and lived abroad until the war came."

" Is your husband going to be a candidate?" asked one woman. "I don't know." replied the other. "He says he is in the hands of his friends." ' " That's John all over. Always trying to wit the responsibility on somebody else!" « A little whistle may turn out The tone that sounds the loudest. The smallest man will often shout The fiercest and' the proudest. * * * ".I don't see so much in these witticisms aimed at the mother-in-law." "Think she is unduly joshed. ehP" "I do. Mino lives with us, and when my wife storms at me the old lady takes my part quite frequently." # " What I want is a home-loving little "Well." said the girl, "I love tangoing and matinees and motoring. Home loving, eh? Isn't that a, new fad?" . , **■* " That fellow is an old grump. He'd bo sour if you went to him with a gold'en opportunity." " " Well, a golden opportunity ought to bo able to stand a little acid." The fair student: "I don't see how you can read Chancer so steadily. The spelling is so queer." The Professor of English: "I've had lots of experience while examining the, candidates' papers." V "Your boy Josh seems to have the eccentricities of genius." "No doubt- of it," replied Farmer C-orntossel. "He's well supplied with the eccentricities. If lie can get a little of the genius,. I bet he'll besome- " You must never forget, my boy, that about one-third of all success is pure luck." " But how can you make sure or this luck?" "Why. by being successful."