SMILE SEED

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11508, 2 October 1915, Page 10

SMILE SEED

"Are you in favr.nr 0 f woi,««. suffracrfli''' "Decidedly not. It's bad r-Tif>ni.ch t-o have to explain politics to v uhr/dfc having thern explain it to us." * <t "I hear your daughter is making pvst prog-ms with her music." "I'm ::/raid sho's Overtrained. Bho won't piny anything now that sounds the jioasb bit out. of tunc." « "Good-bye, old man. I'm off for AmoruM to-rnorpw." "Aren't you afraid cf subm>-.rbp.; '" " Not a bit. I get so seasick on tho wider that I don't care whet happens to me." "'So you've moved to the- country—how do you liko it?"' "'Greatl Beats a stuffy old fiat ail hollow. And tha best of it in, we get fresh eggs and vegetables almost as cheap as we could gat them in" the city." "You're going to tho gymnasium pretty regularly now, aren't you. 1-1 " Yes. Bill Hawkins called me a liar throe mouths ago, and in about three months more I'll be ready to tell him ho's another." *•• " How about going to a. show tonight, Jim?" "Not for mo. I'm going to Jiggins's party." "Oh, 00-me on with me. Tho Jiggins's are dead slow. You never have any fun at tbeii house." "I know, but 1 need a new hat."

"' Your digestive apparatus is all out of order," said the doctor, after exam ining his patient. " The best advice I can give you is to discharge your cook and get a new one." "It can't be done, Doc," answered the patient sadly. " I'm married to her."

The bibliophile was showing his treasures. "Now here," he said, holding up a. battered volume, " is a first edition of Dante's 'lnferno.' "I picked it up at a second-hand bookshop for half a guinea. How's that for a bargain?" "Great!" replied bis cynical friend. '"'Why, the germs you got with it ought to be worth that much alone." '' What do you intend to do now that you're through college?" asked the young B.A.'s father. " I'm thinking of taking a post-graduate course in Economics," replied his son. "Economics, hey?" said the father. "If that's got anything to do with economy I don't see 'what makes you think vou've sot any special aptitude for the study.""" # ♦ "So the lady doctor jilted Bob?" "Yes, he called her a dear little duck, and she thought he meant to insinuate that she was a quack." *•• " I don't see how young Bentley can side-step all his bills." "He doesn't; he side-steps the collector." * * * "Did you see where a man had a piece of his shin grafted on his spine?" " That certainly ought to help to stiffen "his backbone when he puts his foot down." " Isn't that a fine line of the poet's about women's being human nature'? daily food?" "Yes, especially whei they're peaches and chickens." Mokus: "Close-fist claims that wher charity is needed he is always the firs' to put his hand in his pocket." Pokus "\es; and he keeps it there till iht danger is over." » * "I understand he let you in on a get-rich-quick scheme." " No. Do you suppose I would be angry with hinifor tha ?" "Then," what was it?" "He made me think it was a get-rich-quick scheme, but it wasn't." oHe: " Haye your folks decided yet where you are all going to spend the summer?" She :" Not quite. Ma says it's at the White Mountains, but pa declares it'll be at the poorhouse." # # # "Do you keep any servants?" " No, of course not." " But I thought I saw one in your kitchen?" "Oh, we have servants on the premises a day or two at a time, but we don't keep them." "»* Woodles: "Did you ever know anybody with 6s much savoir faire- as Mrs Jones?" "Faith, I never did. And they say her husband made it all in pickles, too." *•• The farmer is a happy elf In spite of all our jokes. And what he doesn't eat himself He sells to city folks. » Mother: " Your papa, dear, is a tea sampler. Ho samples the different kinds of tea-" Bobbin: "When I grow up, mamma, I'm going to be a candy sampler."

She: "A clock is different from a man." He: "In what respectP" She: " When it strikes it keeps on working." *** '*' What are you so furious about, wife?" "Mrs Smith just called me an old cat." "Why, vou're not old." * "* » "What are your ideas of the best form of government?" "O," replied the restless, "it isn't a question what kind of government we're after. It's merely getting rid of the one at present in operation." " Well, how did your novel come out?" "Not so badly. I made pretty fair terms with a junk man to take the entire edition." Mrs Parvenu : "' John, that Mrs Kawler, who was just hero, said she had been having a bad attack of ongwee. What's that?" Parvenu: "Some-thin' catchin'. nerhaps. Why don't you look it up in the dictionary?" Mrs P.: " I did. 1 w.Mit through all the O's, but I can't find no such word-" "We've inherited a million dollars from grandfather," exclaimed the husband. "Hurrah!" chorused tho_ entire •' Now wo can take ice all summer."