SMILE SEED.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11282, 9 January 1915, Page 8

SMILE SEED.

Sjkh soldiers make the German soft diers sick. # * What do you think of the ZeppelrasH '. A-bomb-inable, aren't thev? It is the German (h)aircraft thalj accounts for some of their barber-ism. ' V With the high cost of living even thq; ' shoemaker cairt always keep body andj sole together. .*. "See how our troops are advancing magnificent and in perfect order." "Archduke, those are not ourtroopm —the.v are Servians." —" LTllustration." • » • " I see where there will be some, trouble in getting sauerkraut from; Germany." "Ah me! This is the wurst yet!" «■ * i * I " Well, apropos of the. war. old man, did you give your wife that lee-, ture on eeonomv?" " Yes, I did," Gayboy answered, "and she went riglit out and bought, me a safety razor." V Thev were talking of the war- " What an age we are living in, to he sure." said one. "Yes," the other replied; "it is the German gauce-aee." "" * # "Why did the Kaiser count his chickens—before the.v were hatched?" The answer is simple: " Because Jie heard von Kluck." " Necessity is the mother of invention," as the Kaiser said when he "authorised" the German Press to publish " great victories." "Mary," he said excitedly, "the; papers say there's a big war going on in Europe." " Well." she replied calmly, " they're having fine weather for it." —"Dallas News." * .* FATAL. "Of course, doctor, German'measlesare seldom serious?" " I never met but ono fatal case-" "Fatal!" " Yes; it was a Frenchman, aiulwhett he discovered it was German measles* that he had, mortification set in." GOING-GONE: There was a man. in our town. And he was wondrous slick, His forte was nabbing tickers In a quarter of a. tick. AVlien once his eagle eye observes The watch that you have oiij You may think the thing is goin'. but, Lor', bless your heart, it's gone! PETEOGRATX

NEW NAME FOR THE RUSSIAN CAPITAL.

PETROGRAUD (St Petersburg), Tues. By Imperial order, the city of St Petersburg will henceforth be known as Petrograu."—" Evening Standard." "It looks more like three nert names." says "Punch."

••• THEY TALKED A VARIED LANGUAGE.

At the front, the other day. a. young Scottish recruit was put on sentry outside the general's tent. In the morning the general rose, looked out of his tent, and said to the young man in a stern and loud voice: " Who are you?" The young man turned round smartly and said : "Fine. Hoo's yerssni'?" *

HER STRAIGHT TIP. " I was speaking with your father ' last night," ho said at last, somewhat inanely.

" Oh, were youP" answered the sweet young thing, lowering her eyes. " Er—what were you—er—talking about?" "About the war. Your'father said that he hoped the fighting would sooa be over."

The sweet young tiling smiled 'Yos," she remarked. " i know he's very much opposed to long ments."—"Cleveland Leader."