THE STORY-TELLER.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11282, 9 January 1915, Page 8

THE STORY-TELLER.

COMPLEMENTARY. Both John Bright and Richard CobdJ.rcdl^gu.s.andcolhU.orato^n^ha successful action against the Co Law., knew what they |^" ted - J,m JskccUor it bnt W ,th a <Uffommo. light's eloquence as his 1 ?*ft '»<_ «r«iuher Mr George Maenulay U«vU v ini. iirossively was eager a,nd > nSs; Cobden's exposition* were •■ii; passionless as a proposition oi '""Silt himself told how neatly the two slvles dovetailed when they w stumping toother. Alter Cobden had made his lucid economic argun.ent ._-- '• [ used to get *p, ; "right 6 * Kl ' "and do a little prize-fighting. OUTWITTING THE WAITER. « A friend of mine," related a connoisseur, "a gonr.net with whom 1 Inched not long ago.at a boulevard restaurant »i Pans, o do it bottle of very old «nd celobiat d Margaux. Pounnp out a little of tho wine amd' rolling it on his tongue in true gourmet fashion, he made a wrj Waiter!' he demanded, ' what. wine is this you brought mc?' t "'lt was what Monsieur ordered, was tho reply, 'Margaux, 195, grand " 'Humph!' sneered my friend, 'how lucky it is to be so old and to conceal its ago so well.' " "THOU SHALT*NOT SWEAR." A Congressman had n Southern cook, who never failed to take him to task for the'intemperance in language that was one of his failings. One day she accidentally Jot fall ;t tray full of dishes. The politician, hearing the crash of china ware, lost his temper and his command of his tongue. "What's all that you're breaking in there?" he asked, angrily, adding many additional words that shocked the aged mammy. Coming to the door, sno looked the angry man squarely in the eyes and' shot at him:— " Whatever 'tis I's breakin', it ain't de Third Commandment."

ROUNDING* HIM OFF,

An affable book agent approached a prominent Texan. "Colonel," said he, "those are mighty fine boys of yours." *"' The finest ever, stranger," acquiesced the colonel. "The finest in Texas."

" I reckon you buy them anything they want?" "Why, sure, stranger; I buy them anything they need, whether they wa.nt it or not." " Then, colonel, let m© sell you a cyclopaedia-for them. There's nothing else that will benefit them so much." The colonel looked at tho agent iu. astonishment. "Why, stranger," said he, "them boys of mine don't need no cyclopaedias. Tliey ride mules." •» ♦ A LOST CHARACTER. The captain of a steamer, while loading at Burntisland, took on two hands —one, a Kirkcaldy man who was witFout a written " character," and another, a Dundee man who had abundance of documentary evidence as to his honesty and uprightness. They had not been long at sea, when they encountered rough weather, and the Dundee man, while crossing the deck with a bucket in his hand, was swept overboard. The Kirkcaldy man saw what had happened, and sought the captain.

'' Dae yo mind yon man f rae Dundee " he asked, "that ve engaged wi' tho fine character?"

" Yes," replied the captain. " What of it "

" Weel, he's rin awa' wi' yer bucket!"

V A GERMAN DELICACY

An amusing scene was recently witnessed in a Cincinnati machine shop on the occasion of the retirement, after a service of thirty years, of a valued and faithful employee. In consideration of his long service, the company had arranged to give him a purse of money, and it fell to the lot of the superintendent, who was a German, to make the presentation speech. This is how he, managed it:— ■ " Gustavo, you haf vorked for dis company over thirty years, yes?" A bow from the expeotant recipient of the purse. '" t/nd now you are going to quit, yes?" Another and lower bow.

"Veil, Gustave, der company is so glad of it dot I had been asked to hand you dese hundred dollars." HERO MAKING.

A seasoned old " salt" was a devoted admirer of a young middy who served on the same warship. An accident occurred—a man overboard and a gallant rescue by one of the lieutenants, which brought a handsome letter of commendation from the Admiralty. " It's a nice thing to get a letter like that ; " said the old tar to his youno; friend. "You ought to have one.' " Well, I'll hare to wait my chance," said the middy. "See here," said the other, "I'll drop from the rigging, and you jump in and rescuo me."

"But I can't swim," was the reply. " Never you mind," said the veteran. "I'll hold yoi up till the boat comes." A MEAN ADVANTAGE.

When foreign war vessels first went into Chinese waters, it was found that the Chinese had built forts facing the direction in which the attack was expected to come, and had left tneir rear exposed. When the British first appeared before the island of Hong Kong, they found a formidable fortress frowning from tho rooks and garrisoned by several thousand Chinese soldiers. The British commander began to look round for tho best place of attack. While the Chinese were sleeping, the British circled the island, and at dawn suddenly came upon the Chinese from the rear. The Orientals were thrown into wild consternation, and one officer, who could speak some English, run out,' waving his arms. "No b'long ploperl" ho shouted. "No can come this side; must come other side. Must go back; come ploper side." « • VICTOR HUGO'S MODESTY. The following story is told about Victor Hugo, who one day received a letter hearing an address of a single line, "To our supreme poet." Hugo carried the letter to Lamartine. "Here, my dear friend," he .said, " is a letter which certainly is intended for you." After a long and extremely courteous discussion, which resolved itself into a. combat of flattery, it occurred to them to break the seal, which they did, and read, "My Dear Alfred." The letter was for Alfred de Musset, and came from Alexandre Dumas, senior, who in a mischievous mood had conceived the joke and put it into execution. We aro told that Lamartine smiled, but that Hugo, who did not relish the turn of affairs, made no comment. Some time later, Clovis Hugues asked the author of " Hern an i," "Sir, who in your opinion is the premier poet of our time?" and received the following reply:—"The second is Mons. de Lamartine, and the third is Mons. de Musset." THEY CALL IT ENGLISH. The author of " Alone in West Africa" says that the most curious thing about the people of West Africa is tficir language. If you ask them, they will tell you it is English; and English it is, as to the words; but such an extraordinary jargon is as hard to understand as any unknown, tongue. Listening very carefully, writes Mrs Gauutj it took a great deal of per-

suasion to make me believe the words were. English. When I bought bananas from a woman sitting under the shade of upreading r*>tton tree, and the ni-'in behind her came forward and held out his band, saying, 'Make you gi'o me been, voman eoppa all." f grasped the tact thai lie intended to have i.hc money long before J. undersiood that he had said, in the only English, and probably the only speech he knew, '• Give me her money." Some of the words, of course, become* commonplace of every-day life, and T am sure''the next time I call on a friend who is rich enough to have a manservant, association of ideas will take me back, and f shall ask quite naturally, " MnsfKi, lib?" instead of the tomary, "Is Mrs Jones at home?" ••* SCHOOLING REECHER, Henry Ward Beccher used to tell the story of the way in which his teacher of mathematics taught, him the virtue of self-reliance :~~ I wa.s sent to tho blackboard, ana went, uncertain, and whimpering. "That lesson must be learned," said mv teacher, in a very quiet tone, but with terrible intensity. All excuses and explanations lie trod under foot with utter seornf illness. "I want that problem. I don't want any reason why you haven't it," he said. "1 did study two hours." " That's nothing to me. t want that lesson. You need not study it at all, or you mav study it ten hours. Suit yourself, but T want that lesson." . It was tough for a green boy, but it seasoned me. In less than. a. month I had the most intense sense of intellectual i ndepei idence. One day, however, his cold, calm voice fell upon me in the midst of a demonstration—" No !"

I hesitated, and then went back to the beginning, and on reaching the same point again. "No !"—uttered in a tone of conviction--barred my progress. Then, "Next" was called, and 1 sat down in red confusion.

He. too. wns stopped with " No!" hut went right on, finished, and as he sat down was rewarded with " Very good!" "Wiry," T cried, "I recited just as he did, and you said No!-" Why didn't you say ' Yes,' and stick to itP It is not enough -to know your lesson. You must know that you know it. You have learned nothing until you are sure. If all the world says ' No,' your business is to say ' Yes,' and prove it."