Page 5 Advertisements Column 3

Star (Christchurch), Issue 11119, 2 July 1914, Page 5

SCANTY. ' p„. At. a certain Scottish nfr torious for scanty fare, a gentleinaas was inquiring of the gardener about a dog which some time .before heiihadi given to the laird. The gardener, showed'him a Innk greyhound, , upon, which the gentleman said: * -V "No, 110! The dog I gave.yours; master was a mastiff, not a ?grey*f hound." _ * •• V $ The gardener quietly answered: " Indeed, ony dog might sune become a greyhound by stopping Here." —" Pennv Magazine. 1 ' - . , " • • V '„ '* SAFE. Burglar Bill (in . hotel bedr6om) "Go quiet. Jim. There's a womaln asleep in that room." > - Jim : " It' don't matter if' she wakes up." . . "It don't? One scream would bring half the folks in .the house to this room." " She won't scream. . Tf she wakes ■ up she'll throw the sheet over .her head and keen still." "Why will she?" "Her hair is done up in curl papers."—""Weekly Telegraph.*" . . . NOT HIS FAULT. Little Bobby heard his father say one evening: "Pshaw, 1 wish, young - Sparks would go. It's nearly midnight, and I'd like to lock up the.' house and get to bed. What ori : earth caii Sparks and Mabel find to talk about all these hours?" Bobby tiptoed to the parlour door, peeped through the keyhole, then, tiptoeing back to his father. e£id: "It ain't Mr Sparks's fault, can't go. Mabel's sitting on him."— "London Opinipn." * * . A DIFFERENT VIEW. In a Great Western railway carriage, on the way up to-London, a youth had disturbed and annoyed the other passengers by loud and foolish remarks during a great part of the journey. As the train passed ffanwell Lunatic Asylum he remarked .• . "I often think how nice the asylum looks from the railway." " Some day," growled an old . gently •nan. "you will probably have si on to ivmnrlc .how nice the