SMILE SEED.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 10924, 13 November 1913, Page 4

SMILE SEED.

INSUFFERABLE., ■ "So you broke your engagement with him?" . " Yes.?'. - " Wiiat for?" . " He's a conceited thing. I simply couldn't stand bim." " I never heard him brag* What makes, you think him conceited?" "Ail the time we were engaged he never once told me that he was un- _ worthy of my love." . . »»• ■ TACT. The president of a small college was visiting the little town that hau bfeen his former" home, and had been asked to address an audience of his former neighbours. In order to assure them that his career had not caused him to put on airs, he began his address thus; "My dear friends—l won't call you ladies and gentlemen—l know you too svell to say that." " •*4* . ■ ■ - • THE HEIGHT OF THE RIDICULOUS. The new. clergyman (who" has not yet had time to fathom the sporting instincts of his parishioners): " And don't you .think that if, instead of keeping that useless dog, you. bought a pig, for instance, it would be. more prphtable to you and your family?" \ / The Parishioner; " *" proper silly kite I'd look gom.*^rattiur wi'; a pig, shouldn'jt • 'fT\ 'f BEST HE COULD Old Peter by is rich. ana stingy.!' In the event: of his death his- nephereTSyill '< inherit his property. A friend o& tk' * ■ family said to the old gentleman: v.?ii hear your nephew is going to marryOn that occasion you ought'to do£o / m&< thing to.make him happy." '•'*s*&•- " I will," said Peterby ; ** I*ll pretend that I am dangerously ill." ! : THE POOR* ORPHAN. . An old country woman, stepped into a suburban drug store and laia on the counter a prescription for a mixture containing " two decigrammes of morphia. The druggist exercised the utmost care in weighing the dangerous, drug. " What a, shamS !". she cried. " Don't be so stingy; it's for an orphan girl." NOT A LABOURING MAN. Tramp: " Good morning, lady. I thought perhaps ± might be able to get a bite here." Mrs Snapp: '' Certainly not I . Tramp: "Ohl then I am labouring under a mistake." Mrs Snapp: "It strikes me you never labour under any circumstances..'' , V • pride.: "I understand that there are two rival social sets in this town. >J _ _ "Yes. One is oomposed of people who have undergone operations for appendicitis and the others have had the children's adenoids removed." .V'. ' TILLIE'S NIGHTMARE. TilKa Clinger says she dreamed last night that she -died and went to heaven in a Balkan blouse, and when she woke j up 6he found she had been sleeping ■ with her left hip on her hair brush. I V •. J APPROPRIATE. The Son (proudly): "I am going to have toy college diploma framed. Where . would you advise me to liangit?'^ The Father (grimly): "Put it up alongside that beautifully embossed mining certificate of niuMw'