THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 10418, 23 March 1912, Page 6

THE WEEK.

They say a Scot never " gangs t back". Our Scott is a long time coming back from the South Pole. _ , 1 Overheard in the street.—"Dry? Dry as a tin god. But if I can only :get to Blenheim for the next elec- | <_ . V When all the people who are at present getting ready to visit tho Old i Country really go, the population of Christehurch will slump badly. ! » . { If one's income would only increase fct the same rate as the number of .people who "knew all the time" that Mr Mackenzie would succeed Sir Joseph /has increased this day, it would be a jgay world. | . ♦ ' When the Hon J. A. Millar was asked what he thought about the leadership question a week ago he said, " I don't think about it at all." One wonders whether he is thinking about anything else now. Archbishop Kelly declares that it is not necessary for Irishmen to lay down fcheir lives for their country; all they need do is to put down their glasses. It is easy enough, when you think of it, to put down a glass—empty. ♦— The hardest luck on record was experienced by a fat man who, to be comfortable, bought two consecutive Beats, numbered 29 and 30, in the front row. When he got there he found 29 on one side of the aisle and 30 on the other. *.

, The record case of solf-restraint is reported from Waiau, where Mr James Allen delivered a speech u day or two ago without once mentioning the political situation. He did not even hint that "the Government wa.s hanging on to office in spite- of tho clear verdict of iJjo constituencies." ( A member of the New South Wales 'Assembly complained the other day that the methods of the members were

those* of a "push," not of a Parliament. Ho forthwith prove:l his caso by slugging tho messengers who tried to remove him and by submitting quietly when real police came along.

The worst case of tactlessness oi which "The AVeck " has hoard for some time occurred on St Patrick's Day, when a well-known ciLizen, intending to make himself popular, passed round a bag of oranges at nn essentially Irish function. " I'm quite an Orangemen," ho said gaily, and then he wondered why nobody even smiled.

A lady who is prominent in the political organisation of women locally says that candidates for Parliament should be chosen by examination. It has always seemed to " The Week" that the average candidate has to undergo a pretty stiff oral examination at question time. But perhaps it w;us an examination by two doctors and a Magistrate that the lady meant.

Four members of the Liberal and Labour party arc said to be out of the running for portfolios. They are Sir Joseph Ward, who is to take a holiday. Sir Arthur Guinness, who is Speaker, the Hon J. A. Millar, who is billed to play Achilles in the transportive drama " The Tented Hero," and Mr James Crnigic, who is Mayor of Timaru. Everyone else is busy offering his sorvices to the new leader of the party.

A Scotch minister got off an unexpectedly smart thing the other day. Disregarding a notice to the effect that "Trespassers will be prosecuted." he took a short cut through a paddock. The irate owner stopped him and demanded to know whether the minister had not seen the notice. " What of it?" asked the Scot pleasantly. " What of it?" returned the owner; "you're a trespasser and you'll be prosecuted." "I'm not a trespasser," replied the minister. "Then what are you?" demanded the owner. " A Presbyterian," was tho sufficient response.

"The Week" knows of a married man who wants to visit Great Britain for a holiday, but thinks that his good wife should rest content with looking after tho house and taking an occasional run down to New Brighton. In order to prove to her that she was a bad sailor, he kept his eye on the Government meteorologist's report, and when a nasty gale was reported as " approaching rapidly," he sent her off in a rather small boat to Auckland, via the East Coast. He fully expected her to get off the boat at Napier and return by train to Wellington, but she arrived in Auckland without having oven felt a slight headache. His friends are awaiting the next move with great interest.

A correspondent who has been impressed by the frequent advertisements announcing that capable girls are wanted in certain industries, sat down the other day to consider what classes of girls really are "wanted" nowadays. He expresses his conclusions thus:— The girls that are wanted are good girlg— Good from the heart to the lips; Pure as the lily is white and pure, From its heart to its sweet leaf tips. The girls that are wanted are home girls— Girla that are mother's right hand, That fathers and brothers can trust, too, And the little ones understand.

Girls that are fair on the hearthstons, • And pleasant when nobody see 3; Kind and sweet to their own folks, Ready and anxious to please. Tho girls that are wanted aro wise girls, That know what to do and to say; That drive with a smile and a soft word Tho wrath of tho household away.

The girls that are wanted are girls of sense; "Whom fashion can never deceive; "Who can follow whatever is pretty, And dare what is silly to leave. The girls that are wanted are careful girls, Who count what a thing will cost, Who use with a prudent, generous hand, But Bee that nothing is lost.

The girls that are wanted aro girls with hearts; They are wanted for mothers and wives; Wanted to cradle in loving arms The strongest and frailest lives. The clever, the witty, fne brilliant girl, There are few who can understand; B m t ,' oh , ! for the wise > lov ing, homo girlg Ihero's a. constant, steady demand.

According to a local art critic, the artist is a man who soes things in a new and vivid light. Hence the following conversation, which may bo presumed to have occurred at the Art Society's exhibition:— Philistine: "Now that's a good 'un " (looks m his catalogue). '' Oh, only £5. Somethin' snyd about that. What do you think P"

Artist: "Oh, a fair picture. Light well handled, drawing good. Lacks expression I think."

P.: "That's the very word. Lacks impression."

A.: Here's a rather good thing." P.: ' Yes, £2O, hum. Very good thing that. My wife would like that. Shes fond of storms. Eh! Oh. Sunset. Yes, so it is. Sunset, to be sure. Funny thing this art." A.: "Yes." P.: " What is art ?" A.: "Art is nature seen through a temperament."

P.: "Eh, what!!!" A.: " It's perfectly clear." P.: "Eh. Yes. Clear as blue mud." A.: "But really. Now look at that. What a light. Noble, isn't it? The picture glows with the light which never was on sea or land."' P.: "Then how did ho see it to paint it P" A.: "Through the temperament." P. : "Yes. Rut if it never was ?" A.: "Ah. You don't understand. You are not an artist. No not even a critic. Art (and he pinched a hole in the atmosphere). Art is nothing against a background of tho superlative."