"BULLS AND BLUNDERS."

Star (Christchurch), Issue 8832, 19 January 1907, Page 4

"BULLS AND BLUNDERS."

MARSHALL BROWN'S COLLECTION. In an amusing volume published by Gay and Bird, London, Mr Marshall Brown has collected an imitable series of absurd stories. Ireland, of course, is responsible for a good deal of the unconscious humour, as, for instance: — " Lost,-*near Tipperary, on or about Tuesday morning last, a large pig. Had no marks on his ears except a short tail, and a slight limp in one leg." ! Or again : — _ i "*" 'Tuition !' exclaimed a sergeant to his platoon : ' front face, and 'tind to roll-call. As many as is present will say "Here!" and as many _as is not present will say "Absent!"'" Or yet again, this pathetic plea of an Irish attorney, defending a* prisoner:— " Gentlemen of the jury, think of his poor mother — his only mother I But Ireland is not the only jig-maker j jin Mr Brown's company. This seems to j I hail from America : — I "Judge: One year and 50 dollars "Prisoner's Lawyer: I would like to make a motion to have that sentence reversed. „.„ "Judge: All right. Fifty years and one dollar fine." And the following, from the Far ! West ; where a negro preacher begins his discourse: — . "I take my tex' dis morning from dat potion ob de Scriptures whar. de Postol Paul pints his pistol to de Fesions." As also this: — " And now let us pray for the people on the uninhabited portions of the earth." But the following is an example to all English compositors of the importance of punctuation : — A compositor in ■getting up the toast "Woman; without her, mau would be a savage," put the comma in the wrong place, making the sentence read, " Woman, without her man, would be a savage." While the omission of another comma after the word apoplexy played havo© with the following report: — " Deceased came to hie death by ex- | ceseive. drinking, produoing apoplexy in i the* minds of the jury." Finally, this scintillation of editorial humour may well have helped the editor through a tiring day:— • "Dear Sir, — Please -inform a constant reader how to cure bunions in to-day's issue." "There are no bunions in to-day's issue, nor in yesterday's, nor in tomorrow's, nor in any that is to come, and were you a careful as well as a constant reader you would have grasped this fact without being told."