THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 8832, 19 January 1907, Page 4

THE WEEK.

- In recognition of its magnificent policy of encouraging diplomatic cycle racing, the local body which controls the sport is henceforth to be known as -j "The League With Wheelmen." ( +~r — . ■ Owing to the number' of undesirables i that are visiting the city, board and ■ lodging has been cheaper than ever in 1 certain cases recently, and some of the boarding-house keepers are beginning | to realise more fully the truth of the i | axiom that down the fire escape and i over the fence is out. + ' |< The Minister of Land is evidently a- i i disciple of John Oliver Hobbes, and j J subscribes to the doctrine that " Marri- ; age is like a good pie spoilt in the ; baking. Everything is admirable ex- ! cept the result. It is very heavy ... ; very, very heavy." But just why it ] should be made a public reproach that < Ihe has elected to live singly is not ap- ' ' parent — any more than he is. Mr Synies 1 ! has threatened that when Mr M'Nab < ! goes to Taranaki he will not be allowed j to come away single. But what' has ( Taranaki done that its member should prejudice its interests in this manner i and scare the Minister from its midst P i Or is the member for Patea the original < fox who, lost his tail? , *— — - * It was at the Axemen's Carnival. ] The champion stood alone, leaning upon , the handle of his axe in solitary gran- , deur, whilst those who had long ban- * dioaps to help them chopped vigorous- < |ly to keep out of his way- Most of them < were half-way through their logs be- ( | fore the champion started. And then , the chips began to scatter, thick ac the ■ flying leaves that strew the brooks in < Valombrosa. He caught the handicap ; men one by one, passed them all, and ; finished his cut with a second or two to spare. "My," said one of his ad-miJ-ej-s, "ain't he a peach; how he did lick 'em." " I should think he would," ' crumbled a disappointed friend of the beaten competitors. "It's not fair. Why, ho never started till the others were all tired." : *- Great is advertisement! 'Tis almost fate; , But, little mushroom men, of putt-ball fame, . , , , Ah' do you dream to be mistaken great And to be really gr«at are just the same? It was a mistake of this sort that made thte Wonderland floral fete fall to the ground with a dull, sickening thud. The preliminary advertisements had represented the entertainment, with an almost American wealth of picturesque language, ao something between the Nice Carnival and the Olympian Rose Show, only a little better than either. The accessories wet© to be superior to the Alhambra in vaudeville and to the Adelphi in melodrama. In the r«jult the advertisements were quite the best part of it, and another fond illusion went the way of other illusions. ' * Mr George Laurenson is going the right way to get a political upper cut from -somebody viry soon. His latest caper has been to publicly barrack the. Minister of Lands, to gently bait his colleague, Mr Byrnes, and to furiously aibe at the editorial: » we." This last he took out on the mat with him and absolutely worried. The Week is not concerned particularly as to the cannibalistic process of Scot eating Soot, ahd probably Patea oan retaliate by throwing flounders at the member for Lyttelton, but when he invades the sanfctity of the editorial " we," he has to be severely smacked. WE do not intend upon this occasion to order him to take his pudding and go into the other room, but just to remind him that even if he did fight for England in the early sixties, and perform other prodigies of valour, that there .comes a time when there is no bird in any last year's nest. ' « The member fox Patea was the only member of the Cheviot party who journeyed to. tbe settlement having on a wedding garment. ; His spotlessness was the cause of ranch ribaldry at the mouths of his companions, and his anxiety lest he should be taken- for the Minister grew deeper as the coach approached Cheviot. At the first opportunity he frankly declared himself to the settlers ac a mere, whited sepulchre. He was positively painfully anxious to let them know that he /was really a most- ferocious wolf disguised in an innocent Kaiapoi sheepskin. He drew 1 a picture of himself walking through millions of miles of mud in the backblocks of Taranaki. dressed in boots that c&rtie up to his neck, and failed even then to protect his grey_ hairs. ; i f rom the weather. But the .doubts of ' ; the audience were reflected in his > polished bootsi and his glossy tile, ,and lie had to come 'empty away. Hence- ' i forth he intends to forswear clean liv- * ing and take to sac coats. ; —^~~~ ,- Four of the "Beeses" were lubricating quietly^in preparation of their long > day's toil, when the inevitable Jomaka- [ ; riri quietly asked if they had "seen >\ that cable." "Wot cable, lad?" was t j the response. And then the jester seris j ouely explained that doubts having >' ; been cast upon the constitution of the * ; band he had sent a private cable Home • j upon ;the subject, and that an answer i [ had been received that the Besses o' -• j th' Barn Band was playing in ManM Chester last. Saturday. An assurance " j that there were quite enough big and I , little Besses left behind to make this " j possible set liim elaborating, and he " j offered to produce a man who would " j put up his money and declare upon » | oath that the band in Christchurch 1 j was composed of fourteen members of ' j the Black Dyke Band, seven from 1 j Wyke Temperance, four Chicago meat ' ! packers who had been picked up on , ! the American tour, five Welshmen, r i three Sydneyites who had "been brought b ' over by Mr John Dixon, a chap from I ! Auckland, and a man who had once ' | ridden through Lancashire on a bicycle. . i And then the four, realising that its 1 ' collective leg was being pulled, ordert ed more beer.