FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 8832, 19 January 1907, Page 3

FUN AND FANCY.

Truth will out, even in a misprint I "The motor-car has come to slay?' " They say every man has his price!" " Well, I suppose every woman has her figure I" Gerald : " I feel like a fool in this hat." Geraldine: "Do you always look the way you feel "How d'you like yer new job?" " Nothin' the matter with it, on'y the pay, and the hours, and 1 the work !" A batchelor says that "ladies are like watches— pretty enough to look ttt: sweet faces and delicate hands; but I somehow difficult to 'regulate' after j they 'are set a-going." " Nature designed me as a poet," remarked the visitor, handing over • manuscript. "Ah! May I ask what seemed to interfere with Nature* plan?" replied the editor, returning th« paper. She: "And do you believe that .» ' woman always turns to the last pagr first when she picks up a book?" Hei. " Well, I have no reason to doubt" it. I know it is the nature of the fair'sei* to wait the last word." " Mrs Stebbins is a very mean wo» man." " What has she done?" "Sh« gave her little bdy a' slice of bread ana butter and told him to go out and sit where he oould -smell the blackberry jam Mra Perkins was "making." ._ " Bring me a Welsh rarebit, a broiled lobster, a bottle of 'imported ale, and * piece of mince-pie." "Will you pleas* write out the order ond sign it, sirP" "What for?" "As a sort of alibi for - the house to show the coroner, sir." ' Susie had tried the -teacher's patienca sorely, and when the latter looked u| and saw the little girl chewing gum, with her feet sprawling into the aisle, she said : " Susie Jones, take that gum out of your mouth andl pint your feet in!". Lady (to chemist) : " Have you anyreliable corn solvent — something you catt recommend as ' a rapid cure?*' ' Chemist: "Certainly, madam; here'f an article. One customer of mine has been using nothing else for fourteen years." " Here, cabby," directed Brown, " drive me to the Royal Courts of Justice." "To where, sir?" " The Courts of Justice." "Where might they be, sir?" " Why don'tyou know the Law Courts, stupid?" "Lor, sir, I didn't know as they were Courts of Justice 1 Jump in, sir!" _. . _ . A disappointed artist, indulging in a vein of abuse against a successful rival, exclaimed > "He is, without exception, the most, superficial, self-sufficient, ignorant, shallow creature that ever mad*) any pretensions to art." -" Gently, mj dear sir," interrupted a gentleman.-) "you quite forget yourself." A man named Kenny who was entertaining seme friends at dinner accidentally swallowed' a bit of cork with hits wine, which brought on a coughing fit. ! " Take oare, my friend," said-his _fext t neighbour, with a brilliant attempt at a witticism— "That's not the way for Cork." "No," was the reply, "but it's the way to Kilkenny. "| A gentleman who was in the habit 1 of dining regularly, at a certain restaurant, said to the darky waiter :— " Eraih tvs, instead of tipping you every day, I'm going to give you your tip in a lump sum at the end of the month." "Dats all Tight, swh," replied th« darky, "but I wondah if you would mind payin' me in advance?" " Well, it's rather a strange request," remarked the patron. " However, there's a sdol bill for you. I suppose you are in want of money, or is it that you distrust me?" " Oh, no, sah." smiled 'Rastus slipping the bill in his pocket, "only I'se leaving hyar to-day, sah." "I saw a ourious thing the other day," said the favourite story-teller at an evening party. " Well, what is it? Is it a true story?" asked one of the listeners. " Yes, perfectly true. I saw a duck swimming across a pond, and a cat sitting on its tail." "Indeed, exclaimed another listener. What sort of a duck was it? Any particular kind?" "Yes, it was a diving duck". Strange to say the duck dived." For some moments there was silence. : Then the host asked: "And. what became of the poor cat? Was it drowned or did it only lose one of its nine lives?" " No, it wasn't drowned," said the storyteller, "You see the duck dived in th* middle of the pond, but the cat waf sitting on its own tail on a wall close by." , '