THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 8309, 6 May 1905, Page 4

THE WEEK.

"Let us . . . Expatiate free o'er all, this maze of man, _ A mighty maze, but not without a plan." —Pope. To write correct up-to-date journalese you should never use a simple English verb if you can beg in one got by a piece of Yankee affectation out of a misapplied substantive. However, these misbegotten compounds may jar at first they will soon catch on. Therefore, always talk of one admiral " junctioning " with another. It is so much better style than a common every-day word like "joining." * Someone has called Labby's attention •to the Meikle case. In a late number of "Truth" he compares it with the Beck and Edalji cases, and indulges in a customary snarl regarding English and colonial justice. But let Labby or anyone else compare the number of proved cases of miscarriage of justice in England or her colonies with those of the most judicial of the other nations — even America. He will find that he is considerably safer under the law he abuses than if' he were to let himself go in Paris or Berlin. i • A new Society has been formed in London by those who hold the theory 'that the earth is flat. Amongst its offi- ; cers is Mr Joseph Chamberlain. 'Mid men of penetrating mind, Who deem themselves the best and sanest, Why should we be,^ surprised to find Joe Chamberlain TiimEelf turned "Pianist"? For 10l his fiscal air-balloon, 'V, So spherical when crammed with gases, Instead of soaring to the moon , Falls flat as pancakes on " the mass*-." So things that Massey now -thinks round After next poll-day may appear • |To change, until as flat they're found As best uncorked Ashburton beer. j f ~" ♦ I I New Zealanders have done splendily in Guy's Hospital Rugby team for some seasons past. But none have shaped quite so well as the two three-quartere ! who played against St Thomas in the Hospital Challenge Cup, early in March. They were P,. F. M'Evedy and L. B. Stringer. They were responsible for twenty-four points of the N winners' total of to nothing. These men certainly ought to play for New Zealand next season in j the English tour. ;.. *_. — ; Why on earth does the Lyttelton Harbour Board employ an engineer? Why, there; are men on that august body who could give points to De Lesseps at stirring up mud, or shifting deposits, or any " dredgef ul hopperation" of that sort. Besides, there is a precedent for members (on occasions whep it suits them) doing the work of the Board's officials. Once on a time a certain tug was taken charge of by a member of a certain Harbour Board, when going alongside the vessel which had brought a certain swell. He (the member) knew enough to " port hiß helium," but forgot to "stop her," sq there was a No. 8 collision. _ _* The only authenticated occurrence at the Lake this week at all out of the common waß anything but a humomus one. A couple of Christchurch shooters, using their own punt, were the victims of a sneaking piece of malice. Nearly an hour after first entering the boat, they found her suddenly filling. Baling proved useless, and, as she swamped with them, a half-mile wade became necessary. They not only lost their sport, but also several valuable odds and ends, their provisions and four ducks. Besides this, they, of course, were soaked to the waist. Examination showed that two large holes had been bored on each side just above the punt's water-line when empty. These/ holes, which were awash when the boat was in use, had been filled with a gummy mixture of the... consistency of tallow, which kept the water out for a while. The idea evidently was, to give the occupants a swim. One of the sufferers had a very fair idea of the origin of the attempt.

+ Our secondary schools are having holidays just at present. But should one of their fifth or sixth form pupils wish on his return to make a classical master commit harikari, the following "quantities" are suggested:— Away wi&- Greek! Who but disdains, Abjure 6, condemns, detests, derides The jokes of old Aristophanes, The musty plays of Euripides'? No wise men heed the chap who cackles About the labours of Heracles — Who, so 'tis said in Roman circles, Was generally known as Hercules. All Grecian history too tame is, Save for some yarn all coloured highly, About the battle of Sal-mis, Or the big fight at Thermopylae; Or, what past schoolboys pinned their faith on, The gory struggle of Marathon, Whilst lacking in artistic grace is Poor old Xenophon's Anabasis. -♦ *.

Botha doesn't like the Constitution-and-water which Lyttelton is ladling out to the good little boys of Krugerland. "Proper tea," remarked a pupil of Mr Wackford Squeers, " isn't stalks !" So he calls the proposed Parliament a debating society, and urges the English Government to "place a manly trust in the Transvaalers." Just so. Unfortunately, however, even the healing hand of four years or so has not yet wiped out those' incidents of which Julian Ralph (with the concurrence of all capable of forming an opinion) wrote as follows: — "The Boer is a brave nia^i and an able fighter — but he glories in' the exercise of a sort of utterly unscrupulous cunning (exemplified by the white flag affairs). If you believe or trust him in any way he only thinks you a fool." Possibly, however, he may not have to wait long for a Government fool enough to give him another chance of using his big majbr&y. v 'They may even accommodate him wits arms as well.