THE WEEK.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 8100, 27 August 1904, Page 4

THE WEEK.

Of «E---"Let us . . . Expatiate free o'er all this maze of man, A mighty maze, but not -without a plan." —Pope. The newest thing in future Russian autocrats was christened this week. Ifc took "* seven Archbishops and two tons of incense _ to start him properly. His eighteen names * ended with Alexander Alexandrovitch s Pstero-Paulovs-ky Micbaeloff Sergius Holy- v smoke-whisky O'Rafferty ! He is expected « to cut his eyo teeth about the time pa gets J back from the front with some Japanese t jujubes. His Godmothers were Countess x Hatzoff and Countess- Orloff. £ , $— t 'The British footballers say that the * Maori forwards were a high old lot. So high in fact that in the scrums the visitors had to use shin-guards as nose protectors, j When exercise evoked the full aboriginal j flavour— when the dried shark began to l take notice, and the mutton-bird did itself 1 proud— then the sorely tried English s ''tummies" rose in revolt. They had j stood scrums, . bumps and squashes — smoke j concerts, railway rushes and _ steamer , squirmings for about six weeks, and at last j they fairly struck. But John Bull stuck { to his colours. Eis nose was Refi, the . rest of his face White, and his whole mind , and soul decidedly Blue. Sang lie :-— " Good-bye my old jersey of Bed, "White and Blue, _ ' "Which has lovingly cuddled the gay Kangaroo, ] Which Ze>*la.ndia's forwards have lol.ed mi -ho ] And htivo torn up the Iback and have spotted ■with, blood. , \ In spite of it'-a-H thou wsrt dear to my heart, 1 But since llotoru-, alftsk -wo im_3fc part. | I may lather and scrub, I may soak, soap and < swill, „ „. ... But the «cent of Ihe mil cling round thea " .till!" < * * He came all the way down from Scrub- 1 villa on the Waimak to show his loyalty. < He fourrH to his delight that practically anyone of good character, who could scare j up* a clean-boiled rag, a decent coat, and ( two cards, could shake hands with the re- . presenfcatire of Edward VII. So he sailed . in ; but when our genial Governor held out. his vice regal fist, our hero unfortunately misunderstood the motion. Thinking he was being stuck up for a, THIRD card ; he spluttered out : " Bub— bub— -bub— but, : I gave my kuk— kuk— kuk — cards to tho OTHER man !" Whereupon William Lee, ; Baron Plunket, etc., etc., smole a kindly ' and unofficial smile, whilst the gilded staff i shook like jellies. ' 4» THOSE CABLES. They lie beneath lie main, They lie ■below the deep; They lio cv- ocean's plain, Tihcy lie where mermaids sleep. They lie in even' sea Wilier. Britain's flag's unfurled (Aticl when war specials work them. They lie o'er ail tho world), — ■ ♦- _ • Lady Plunket, when visiting the Hospital last week, escaped the ordeal inflicted on another she-Excellency on a> different occasion at a North Island hospital. There a tactless chairman insisted, despite her obvious reluctance, in taking the lady in question (almost by main force) into a. gruesome operating rcom, where her boots, akirts, etc., were ruined by white patches of powder and plaster fron* an unfinished floor. How soothing to humbler mortals is the reflection tha.t even such magnates as chairmen of Hospital Boards occasionally are cursed' with a want of tact. *- It looks, after all, as though Chinese pak-a-pu/dens are not to be squashed under the amended Gaming and' Lotteries Act. But ifc will probably be, ipso facto, an offence for I_uropeaiw to frequent them. There is. no earthly reason why the ., Chinese shouldn't gamble,- but, if all Wellington yarns bo true, about half the gilded male youth of the Empire City ab.<o- "know ai bank." This wfrn't do. I, Just think of the lacerated feelings of a pafcernal Legislature if even one of its lambs should go astray from any other causa, than the" tote,. the whole tots and nothing but t'ho tote. «. . The Chri-t-hurch Beautifying Society is up in arms about the frightful outrages of advertisers. But worse yet may be in store if (as is quite possible) tho awful sky-signs of London are introduced here. One iEden George in days of old Offered the (Chapter Jots of oof To lei him blaze <the wares he eoid Across the whole Cathedral ioof. If now for sky signs leavo be given, We _aay espect with shuddering thrills, To see it 3 spire point not to Heaven, But to Macsplddger's Liver Pills. — : — '~m When the Governor was in Dunedin, they trotted out for his edification the old chestnut about the gaol of the early days where prisoners were warned they would be locked out if they didnfc come home by three p.m. It's a great yarn thafc, but its origin was really the old wooden lock-up at Lyttelton, and its true sequel concerned that Very identical building. Six men belonging to a ship in Port were locked up for twenty-four hours by Dr. Donald, then Resident Magistrate. In the night they. | carried the whole caboodle up the hill and left it at his fsont door. No apology is needed for resurrecting this ancient (but not fish-like) fragment of early history— because Lord Plunket always reads the ".Week" per special wire. We don't want nim to think that Canterbury can't give Otago points at even gaol stories. ' pw|tWBMMW g M paMOT-«"*--B-'*****'*******^^