THE COYOTE COUNTY HANDICAP.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7923, 30 January 1904, Page 2

THE COYOTE COUNTY HANDICAP.

(By HARRY IRVING GREENE.)

" Met a dood out in Arizony onct, and that crittar I'll remember jif ter I've been dead two thousand year," continued Hank as he drew the tent flaps tighter to shut out the rain. "First thing I noticed I seen him lookin' afc me -wistful, so I asks him what bis game was. "'Huntin' for a mastodin,' he says, firm' up a cigarette and spoutin' the smoke from out his nostrils. 'They was a kind of elerfant what used to loaf around these diggins a considerable time ago you know.' "'You're on the wrong trail, pardner,' says I, shalcin' my head. ' I've been in this country near forty year and there ain't no kind of game in it from grizzly bears to stud poker that I ain't been up against. But I ain't seen no elerfant tracks yet.' '"Mebby they was here before your time,' be answers, kind of laffin. " ' How long before?' I asks, innersent as a bottil of pap. . ""Bout fifty thousand year,' he comes back, careless like. ' _ . . " ' Oh, that's it,' says I, thinkin' he was tryin' to make a fool out of me and turnin' away. 'I was only a kid livin' down in Indiany in them days.' But come to find out he was one of them idjits what's allers rootin' around after the remainders of fossyles, and by-and-by we made a dicker. Well, we outfitted with more kinds of grub than you'd find at a school picnic, and we hiked off. Along about evenin' we struck a good campin' spot, and while the dood peeled off bis garmints and hopped into the water up to his ears like a muskrat I went aboiit my work* cussin' him softer v*ice. And I was right in the middle of bendin' over and unstrappin' the pack when all of a sudden I heard an awful heller, and peekin' around right curious I seen a longhom steer a-comin' doAvn the gulch, snortin' and blowin' like a hipperpotamus with the hay fever. I knowed at fust gaze that he was locoed — plumb crazy — so I begun to move away right industrious. 'My weepin was strapped on the hurrycaine deck of my cayuse, and the cayuse was already growin' dim in the distance, so I let out a hair raisin' whoop of warnin' and skedaddled off most treimenjus, headin' for a boulder about the size of a 'dobie hut .that lay a couple of hundred yards away! " I arrove in about four jumps and went up it like a fly surmountin' a bald dome of thought. Then I looked around- for the parade, and ib was the most gor-jus spectikle. ever took place since the 'ruption of v Vesoovius. In the van was the dood, sportin' about as many clothes as an ile paintin' of Virtoo, and about two jumps behind him the steer, head down, tail a-rizin' and with the dood's galluses streamin' from bis horns like the tail of a comit. I reckon it waa. the most interestin' leglinovin' contest ever pulled off, but eventually the dood reached the rock first, and then they commenced 1 to play ring round the rosey witb wild enthooseism. Round and round they went, and every time that feller sailed past where I was hangin' my legs oyer the edge and oheerin' he made some pussonel remark, amd he was comin' by so often ifc sounded like a contiuyus conversation. But after about ten minutes tbe steer flew off on a tangint and the dood dumb up beside me, gaspin' like a fish. ""Twas outer sight, pardner, bufc you beat him fair and square. When we get' back to town the boys will back you against amy steer in Coyote county,' said I, figgerin' to cheer him up. But, seem' he'd lost his temper 'bout somethin' and ' didn't make no answer, I slid down and took the back trail, figgerin' on gatberin' up some articles of wearin* apparel. Bufc now comes the mosfc sorrerful part of the whole sorrerful tale, for the critter had butted the whole trooso into the fire, savin' and .xceptin' , what be had bore away on his horns for ai soovenir. Wasn't a dang thing left but the shoes and a coller. " Well, bime-bye I gets sorrer under control and ketches my bronc. There wasn't a house nearer'n half a day eSceptin' the widder Willoughby's ranch, so I told the dood I'<J saunter over.- to the ranch and borry_a 'few simple but needful garmint^. ■:■ So {off I went, and •in about half: 'an hour arrove and was showed into the house immediate. Her daughter wae in the settin' rooni sorbin' out some wimmin's things for the Washout, but when she seen me sß> grabbed up part of the articles and rolled them up in a paper quick. like and histed the residoo into a closet witb her foot. ' Set right down, Mr Hawkins,' says she, smilin' as sweet as a jug of rock-and-rye. 'We are mighty glad to observe you.' "Well, I balanced myself Cautious on the edge of a chair and looked at her. was about eighteen and sweeter than a bobay of imornin' glories. 'You're quite a curiosity,' she goes on, layin' her bundil on the sofy. 'Sorilethin' desprit must have happened to bring you to our uninvitin' house.' " ' There did,' said I. And then lup and told them the , whole heart-burstin' epeysode. First they kind of snickered a. bit, but before I got through Miss Sallie was lookin' as sober as a prohibitionist candydate the day after election. . / .\ " ' And you left him perched on that- rock like fi. turtjl, and without-— without — — ■' she says kind of stammeriri' and lookin' at the floor. ■■'-.•*■ " ' As nood as a fresh laid egg.' says I delecate. -"'■'■ "'What a shame!' says Miss Sallie throwin' up her bands like I had got the. drop on her. 'Mother, you go and roust out some men's clothes immediate whilst I stay here and entertain Mr Hawkins.' So she set there smilin' and sayin' things until my face was as red as a diamond flush and th^presperation was makin' my back feel like a railroad map until thp old lady cornea back with a bundil and drops it on the sofy. I. grabbed the package, ■ stuttered somethin' about bein' thankful, and larrup-

ed the hide half off my cayuse a-puttin' the horizon between me and them. "The dood was still bumped up where I bad left him. So I picked up hit shoes and coller and tossed them up to hint along with the bundil and went about mjt business, until all at once I heard him cussin' most miraculous. At that I took a squint afc him, and there he was in his shoes < and coller, and jest in the act of tryin' to climb in feet firsfc through the bole in the top of a yeller skirt, meanwhile commentin* vociferous. Course I seen immediate how it had all come about. I had been so tangled up by them slimes that I bad grabbed the- wrong bundil and, like a derned idjut, hadn't discovered the difference. The more i apolergized the more that pecooler critter riled up, until at last he began makin' funny little grabs at where his hip pocket oughter been. Finally he bopped ' down to the ground. "'And now, you ding-dong old tailtwister, I' goin' to put you amongst the diecards,' said be bristlin' up to me. jest, like a porkypine goin' to morfcil combat. *"' Because why V I asked astonished at his conduck. " ''Because of them remarks you loosened! when you set on that rock ' a-cheerin',' be yelled. 'I would have done it previouSj; j only I've had too much on my mind.' "'That's more than you could say about) your carkiss,' I replies salavatin' on my hands. And with that he puts up bis paws - and begins prancin' around- me like a hostyle tarantula. "It was certainly an inspirin' . exhibition- He had on bis shoes, a yeller skirt, a woman's • waist, 'bind side before and .up side down, and a coller. And he was a frownin' orful and stradlin' around like a. granddaddy-longlegs on an ant-heap. __c wasn't quite as husky as me, but be was at most astonishin' spry inseck, and things was gettin' powerful interestin', when all at one© the dood quit cold and went gallopin' off behind a rock, and peekin' over my shoulder I seen Miss Sallie comin' down the trail about a hundred yards away. " '''lis scandalus,' said she, ridin' up closer amd scowlin'. . '"It be,' says I blushingly. 'I apolergise for his'mortifyin' appearance.' "Orter seen her black eyes sparkle aft :.' that. * 'Tis you I was alludin' to,' »_© snaps back. 'You orter be ashamed of yourself a-hoppin' on tbat pore yootb, and you twicfc bis age. 'Tis brutiL You take • the pore -thing these duds immediate, Hank Hawkins.' So she tossed me a bundil and I packed them around to the dood, and pretty soon he comes out of his lair togged 1 up like a cowpuncher and goes up to ber. Then I seen her cheeks fire up, and somehow I instincted ifc wouldn't bur. my popilarity none to pull my freight, which I did while they pow-dowed for nigh unto * an hour. "Wel_„ the next day the dood and me shook band, and- bit the trail, but not the f ragminfc of a mastodin did! we find except a section . V>f bind leg the size of. a tellygraf pole. Then he went east, but a year later I collided with him in Tombstone. " ' After more mastodins? I asked. ' 'Nope,' says he, grinnin' silly. T__ down here to marry Miss Sallie.' . "'Tb© Hellespont you be,' I answers,, omiftin' the superfluous part of the* word, "'Yesr*., he says, chucklin*. 'We .beenl wrifin' letters ever since I went away.' "'Pardner,' says I feelingly, 'Iknowed when I seen you prancin' around in tha* outfit that if any woman noticed you she'd be a goner.'" \ Hank listened to. the sounds without "Dern the rain anyhow t " said hhze z rolling up in his blanket. ——————————————————