"STAR" TALES.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7765, 24 July 1903, Page 4

"STAR" TALES.

HUCKLEBACK, THE HOUSEMOVER.

(By WILLIAM H. OSBORNE.)

The three-legged chair was tilted up on two legs. The one-legged man was seated thereupon. His one leg and his one wooden peg were' thrust across the window •ill.

He sat in silent contemplation of his boot. The boot was very large and very dirty. The man was not large, but in other respects he resembled the boot. Of the two, the boot was the pleasanter object to behold.

Having examined his boot from every practical point of xiew, the man glanced sullenly at an '.old sign that hung across the alloy. It bore tbe following inscription* in much faded lettering: —

P. HUCKLEBACK,

Rigger and Housemover.

It was with an evil eye t-hat P. Huckleback regarded tliis unoffending sign.

" Hang it," muttered he, " there ain't no zrioney in this business — not no • more. Folks moves into a house and <%ut of a •house, but they won't move the house itself."

His uncongenial * reverie was disturbed by something that fluttered through the window and struck him in the face. He caught a passing glimpse of one of Uncle Sam's public servants, and he maligned him in a manner entirely satisfactory to himself.

The postman merely laughed and retorted in kind. Mr Huckleback finally stooped over and picked the letter up. It bore an English stamp.

" Some double-derned demand from some

o' my old creditors, I s'pose," he muttered. "Thank the Lord I'm over here, instead o' there."

Then he opened the enclosure, and stopped short, for there was that in it that took liis breath away. What may have been the nature of its contents is best surmised by a perusal of the issue of any Bellport paper of Juno 3, 1902. An extract from rhe " Bugle " will be sufficient :

ONE-LEG GETS LEGACY.

Huckleback, the house-hustler, is the lucky man. He gets a cold 100,000dol from rich English relative by will.

There's the whole story. Make it 10,000dol instead of 100,000dol and it will be in strict accordance with the fact.

Strike out the will, also, for no living man or woman— or dead one either — would think of leaving 10,000dol, or even lOdol; to Mr Huckleback. Substitute for the will the fact that the decedent had inadvertently forgotten to make a wili«and cut off Mr Huckleback, who had swindled bim out of a few hundred pounds some years before — and there you are. The letter was one from a firm of Lon-i don solicitors, who begged to advise P. Huckleback that one Chaddeus Huckleback a distant relative, of Clapham, London, S.W., fad departed this life, without other relatives than Mr P. Huckleback, and that they would be charmed, if agreeable to him, to act as his attorneys, for the trifling sum of £200 to be retained by them out of the small fortune due him.

Mr Huckleback, little knowing that all tho solicitors did to earn their money consisted of the very arduous labour in writing to him, readily assented, and waited patiently for his money. It came afterward some months, and amounted in all to the sum of 9,253. 66d0i.

Now, 9000dol is not a, fortune, but it has within it the meaning of a fortune. Mr Huckleback, though an Englishman by birth, was a Yankee at heart. So day after day, up to the time that the crisp English draift lay within his palm, he sat on the three-legged chair contemplating his future and his sign. . ' "By George," he would exclaim hopefully, " there's money to , be made in this business, there is, and legitimate, too. Folks needn't come to me to move houses if they don't want to. I'll buy a house of my own an' move it, see if I don't." In great cities- the beggar lives next dobr to the baron — the palace looks upon the hovel. This was true to some extent of Bellport, a city which often admitted to itself that it pushed New York close for

second place. But there was no residence district in Bellport- that was immaculate. There is no hand&onier or more fashionable district in tlie world than Chestnut Square in Bellport. There was nothing poor or mean within half a mile. Even the vacant lots Avere neatly turfed and exhibited no unsightly signs "For Sale."

Mr Huckleback, the house mover, when he had changed his- English into American money, and had safely banked it, went down to look at vacant lots in Chestnu*Square. There was a small iot fifty feet wide that -took his -eye. It lay between the handsome residence of P. D. Haggerty, the silk main, and Mrs Cradlebaugh, the relict of the railroad man — both of them millionaires.

Mr Huckleback found that it could be bought for some lO.OOOdoI. He figured thafc he could get it for about 9000dol, br even less. He employed one agent, who employed another agent, who employed a very high-toned agent, who finally secured the property at about that price.

But Mr Huckleback did not lose sight oi the fact that he was s-till a liouse mover. As nobody employed him to move a house, ho proceeded to move on,e of his own.

And it was after one particularly dark, damp, foggy night that Millionaire Haggerty rose- from his couch and rubbed his eyes and gazed out upon the vacant lot next door. And it was upon the same morning that Mrs Cradlebaugh did much the very same thing. The vacant lot was there all right — it was all there, and something more besides. That something was the house that Mr Huckleback had moved upon the lot that he had purchased.

It was not a- large house. It was, perhaps, ono storey high, no more. There was no attempt at style. It was just a plain, simple, ordinary everyday affair. And upon the front of it, just above the door, there hung a simple, unassuming sign .

WING SHEE, Laundry-man.

This sign, perhaps, would have attracted little notice in any place but Chestnut Square. But in Chestnut Square the sign looked bigger than the liouse. The manufacturer of a new cereal with a new name, but made of the same old stuff, would have been in ecstasies could his . expensive advertisements have occasioned the excitement thalfc did this modest inscription.

, And the sign was not mercairy persiflage, by any means. Wing Shee was a real Chinese. He could bo seen at -vyork. He could be heard humming his weird Oriental melodies.

And it seemed that the houre was a hit too small for Wing Shee! Therefore, he placed his tubs and he did his washing outside. A pleasant sight it was to see him do it.

And after the washing comes the hanging out. Sp Wing Shee rigged him up two poles and hung out his wash. And the garments— and they were of all kindsmade merry in the breeze.

The news of Wing Shee's removal to more roomy quarters soon spread and drew a crowd composed largely of those from his own neighbourhood. They lent to the picturesque character of the seene — so did their-: language.

"Yeh," Wing Shee would reply in his soft accents, to anxious inquiries. "Yeh. Plent loom here. Wun Leg JPlete my landlady. Play no lent here."

A generous landlady, indeed — one-legged Peter Huckleberry. With his rent free, it is no wonder that Wing Shee was pleased. And he smiled upon the crowd that came and went all day long. He did not confine his salutations to^the

lowly. He smiled also upon the rich residents of Chestnut Square as they strode past pur.ple with indignation. "Yeh," Wing would call to then* in a neighbourly sort of way, by which he intended to convey to them that they would ahvays find him pleasant and companionable on all occasions. For some reason or other his rich neighbours did not at once patronise him. A week went by-^-then ten days — then two weeks, and not a- sign of collar pr of cuff from the occupants of his contiguous •mansions. Wing was unprepared for this. Down where he had come from men neven wore a collar more than a week at a time, andcuffs seldom went beyond ten days. And yet, these rich men kept on wearing them-r---perhaps a* month at least. It must not be supposed that all this time P. Huckleberry was idle. Not that lie ivas actively hustling around himself, but ho sat on his three-legged chair and watched red-faced millionaires make futile efforts to disturb his calm and move his feelings. They did. neither. He suggested mildly to the gentleman: that the lot 'belonged to him and. a- man had a complete night to do with his own as he pleased. This argument was completely insurmountable. They consulted counsel at some expense, but without result. The counsel were compelled to agree with Mr Huckleback. When -the cash offers of the millionaires reached twenty thousand, Mr Hucklefeack's eyes glistened. But he still remained unmoved. Wing Shee continued to wash and iron and hang out. On Sundays his Chinese friends visited him in hordes and held toa parties on Wing Shee's lawn. They did this for but two Sundays, and then Wing Shee's , neighbour, Haggerty, could stand it no longer.. He went down to Huckleback and offered him thirty thousand for his land, provided he would take his old .laundry off the place. Huckleback closed at once. He " signed a deed, took his pay iri bills and trigged up his moving apparatus in front of Wing Shee's place. " It's a dern good thing," muttered Huckleback unto himself, "that I've got some place to move to." He considered that it was so domed good that he couldn't keep it to himself. Therefore, ho hung out a little sign below that of Wing Shee : — REMOVAL— This Laundry on and after' this date will be removed to No. '55, Chestnut Squar-e, half way down the block. Have your house or laundries moved by P. Huckleback, 3, Dubb's Aliey, Bellport. It was too true. For Mr Huckleback, with a deep-laid purpose, at the same time I that he had purchased the firet lot, had!

J a j so purohased another lot further down, i and paid, not money, but a mortgage coyI erincr the iornier. Now, to avoid comph- | cations, he at onoe paid this mortgage off, i and thereupon became the owner in feo of I the <econi lot, without any incumbrance ! of any kind against it. ' the only difference between the vacant lot, 55 Chestnut Square, and the lot he- had first purchased wus that whereas the first lot was surrounded by millionaires, the second lot- was surrounded by multi-million-aires, that's allIf millionaires will pay thirty thousand, what will not multi-millionaires put up? So reasoned Mr Huckleback. But he reasoned to some extent without his host. Chestnut Square boasted of some considerable influence with the city government, and in fact* one of th© greatest of the city officials lived in the immediate vicinity of Wing Shee's new abode. The next day a man in a blue coat tapped oh Wing Shee's do.or. "Y-eh," said Wing Shee, "what nlow? Clollah or cluff ? Lent flee. Yeh." " You come with me," exclaimed* the ofj ficial. Wing Shee went. At headquarters he was informed with much, ceremony that he had violated the I Building laws because- his laundry was not 1 connected with, the sewer; and the Fire laws because ?iis building was a frame one within prohibited limits. In other words, I it was up to Wing Shoe He was cast into 'a cell. Huckleback arrived and went his bail. Wing Shee wa-s free for the time being. Th-e next day Mr Huckleback, with a smilo upon his face, paid -Wing Shee's fines, and starteti' the erection of a brick laundry with sewer connections. The laundry was to lie a two-storey affair, and yet it was small enough to bo built in a few. weeks. During the course of its erection, Huckleback marched up a negro family of goodly proportions, to see how they liked the second floor. Bellport had never had a case of smallpox. But one day two or three ambulances drove up to the liouse of Wing Shoe and of Washington Johnson, the negro, and the health -officials discovered that which they had suspected, that the whole crowd had developed small-pox. It was true that Wing Shee and the negroes never showed it. But the 'negroes were black and' the Chinaman was yellow, and the symptom-? under such circumstances are not so readily apparent. The city officials, though usually timid about contagions diseases, handled the afflicted crowd apparently without fear, and bundled them off to the hospital. There they were kept for an indefinite time, for officially they had small-pox. Mr Huckleback, hearing of the seizure, immediately di-ove up to his new brick building, and entered it. Having entered it, they had him — for the time being. The officials fumigated the place with the nastiest fumigator known to science, and they fumigated him quite as much as they did the place. Then they locked him up and- kept a guard outside. But Huckleback won out, after all. Sc they had to buy him. out- again. He would not agree not to set up in tho same vicinity, but as all the property-owners, had withdrawn their vacant lots for sale, it was a sure thing that he was done for this time, though at an enormous expense. Now, Mr Huckleback had a large amount of cash and a brick building on his hands, but he sighed for other worlds tb conquer. The pocket-books of the denizens of Chestnut Square had been severely taVed. The great official who had concocted schemes 'considered that it was up to him to get- <even. . Mr Huckleback was no lawyer. He knew nothing of title searches and investigations and records aud all that. In a dingy tenement in Bellport, there was a man named Updegraft". Updegraff wao not his real name, and lie did not belong to Bellport. He was a New York man. There were a few men in Bellport who knew that Updegraff was there, and also that he lukl. no buainess th£rc. Tlie great official was one of these few men. He called upon Mr Updegraff with an armed f orde oi police. -Mr Updegraff, shocked and surprised, made overtures. The great official countered with a proposition of hia own. Mr Updograff joyously assented to the great official's proposition. " What I want," said the great official, "what I want, Mr Halloran " The other mnn' held up his hand. " Updegraff," he insisted, in some alarm. "Updegraff," corrected the official, "what* I want is to get my money back. The rest can go hang. Understand" Mr Updegraff smiled once more. He understood. But it must not be assumed that P. Huckleback, Esq., had permitted his busy brain to remain idle. His original great idea had become a 'passion* with him. „ There was a big vacant corner . tract of land on Chestnut Square that he long had envied. He knew that if he could get that and make' it the abode for most of the Italians and Chinamen and negroes in. town his fortune would be made. But he gave it up because nobody on Chestnut Square was selling lots. What was his surprise, therefore^ one day to run across this advertisement in the daily paper: FQR SALE— Ten vacant lots <m Chestnut Square, -corner of Walnut Terrace. , Terms cash. X.Y.Z., ilhis Office. He answered it at once, and was invited to call upon the owner in one of the prominent office buildings of tho town. He did so. The owner occupied a luxurious room. He was a pleasant sort of gentleman. He did not seem to know Mr Huckleback, and Mr Huckleback did not know him. He explained to tho one-legged man that he lived in another part of the town. Huckleback chuckled. He did not haggle over the large figure demanded by the man, but went and drew all his available cash out of the bank, gave a small mortgage for the smaU balance due from him, took his deed and went on his way rejoicing. The next day he ushered a small army of the defendants of Ham, Shem and. Japhet up to the lots. They Went on the land and squatted there. They squatted for just about five minutes. For a large army of policemen and other well-armed citizens stepped out from behind the mansion of Heinecker, the railroad president, on the opposite corner. And the-y drove them off unceremoniously.- x : Heinecker appeared. •' How dare you," he cried in rage. " How dare ypu bring this rabble upon my property- Get out with you." Huckleback '"drew himself up. " This is my property," he replied. "What," roared Heinecker, "what do you say, you thk>f? It's my property." And without more ado he knocked him down. They took Mv Huckleback down to head- >— . - __