Untitled

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7607, 17 January 1903, Page 4

Long, of Denver, U.S.A., a celebrated, female lion and tiger tamer, says : — " The great secret is this : I . only fondle wild beasts "when I know they are in the mood for it." We present this information to the married' ladles of Christchurch, corpled with the well known advice, " Fc-ed the beast." 4 American pugilistic journalism : — " After a spell of fiddling, the Kid vnhooked a, brace of chops, planting one, but getting a dug- on the slats in return froni Mugsey's dc-iter mauley. The Kid learned things and grew cag->y, his ramrod' left putting n.-ar.y a flock of wings- to flight. . Suddenly he tmlashed a wallop tKat gave Mugsey's optical observer an. astronomical tinge," and so on. * Three or four cycle collisions Shave occurred this week. There is a growing tendency,- especially amongst those who " fancy " themselves on a machine, to save trouble by using their wrong side. It sometimes h?,ppens, however, that the other party is not cool enough to stand the necessary " shaving." Hinc illaa lacrimse ! It is really about time that ordinary individuals should mot have to take their lives in their hands when cycling in Chrisitchurch. Bloodthirsty cabbies and stupid old women (of both sexes) are bad 1 enough, but tbs men and boys who scorch about on the assumption that they are a cross between Plugger Bill Martin and the Flying Negro ought to be let in for heavy damages when their prize idiocy causes a 'fall. " Oih, ma!" she crkd, and tor© her Jhair, " Break the engagement — do not -wait; I saw 'him in Cathedral Square In a most truly shocking state!" "Intoxicated?" — "Oh, much worse! Worse than, assaulting the police!! His bags were smooth — both i rorafc said back — You couldn't see -an inch of crease!l!"- - r. " The Coneydoile or Sherlacombs," says "Punch," "is a very clever' little animal. Directly it sees a footprint it can tell what religion it is, and. whether its hair is red 'or brown." Be that as it may, the Sherlock Holmes we have been admiring this wesk is quite smart enough for — say a seat on the Tramway Board. In a word, Mr Guyler Hastings ought not to be allowed to go away from Christchurch. /He ought to be detained by violence, if necessary, given plenty of^,obacco, and set to work on some of the little problems we have been finding a bit tough for our best local brains; By-the-bye, we hope Messrs Chrystal and Co. have picked up several new lines in criminal detection this week. • . * The Boer Generals remind us of Dickens's Harold Skimpole. He was a particularly good cadger, but when pressed on such un-' pleasant topics as "little accounts "' lie usually remarked, "Bless you, I'm a perfect child— l know nothing of business." Chamberlain is really getting very bad form. In the middle of their most dignified and fervid appeals for " more," a la Oliver Twist, he will persist in asking stupid questions about business. But, bless you, they are perfect children — they know nothing whatever about that boodle that Kruger walked off with. And the tyrannical J.C. doesn't propose to let even that holy man walk back until he has iumished accounts. And that, too, when, m the matter of mere worldly dross, Kruger is a mere ! child— a child of God. — P* To-day, when we are considering electrictrams and grumbling at one-rail tunnels, let us listen to the "Lyttelton TimVs " of Jan. 25, 1851: — "It is as well to state that the Bridle Road is now perfectly passable for horses along its whole length, and we call attention to a handbill issued, to the effect that a packhorse is now despatched daily from Lyttelton to Christchurch and back. This is a private speculation which deserves every encouragement." And from what we know of our forefathers we are prepared to state confidently, that they grumbled- at the packhorse aforesaid and criticised with, cursory remarks his breeding, makcj shape and paces, and suggested bringing him under the Act, or managing him with a Board cr something.