LADIES' COLUMN.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7293, 4 January 1902, Page 3

LADIES' COLUMN.

* MRS LAWTON'S LITTLE DINNER. (By CAROLYN WELLS.) " I do think," said Mrs Lawton to her husband, as the door closed after their last guest, "I do think that the conversation of New York people is too trivial for anything in" this world." " But, Kitty, what do you want of other than trivial conversation? You can't expect a group of gay society people to discuss the immortality of the soul or the descent of man when they spend an evening socially with their friends." . " I don't see why not ; or at any rate they might talk on some of the stirring questions of the day, and not confine their remarks to the weather and the theatres. " Oh,, my dear, I'm sure they talked on, other subjects than those. Why, Bob Raymond was very entertaining and made everybody laugh." _ - " Yes, at those absurd jokes of his, ana what utter nonsense they were ! Why, if they had had the slightest point to them ib would have been excusable. But everybody laughed at their sheer nonsense. • When I used to live in Boston, it was very different." vn/ "It was, indeed," said Mr Lawton, with a deep sigh of satisfaction. I m glad I rescued you from the Bostonian atmosphere and brought you to live in New York, where people may talk trivialities but don't wear out their brains trying to find out who wrote Shakspere's works or who was the Mai in the Iron Mask. "They certainly do not," returned nis wife good-humouredly ; "but to-morrow night the Gillinghams are coming to dinner, and they're typical Bostonians, though, they live in. New York now ; and really, Tom, for my sake, I wish you'd make a special endeavour to keep the tone of the conversation on a little higher plane. " Oh, Kitty, dear, I'd do- anything in my power to please you, and you know.it, but I can't— l positively can't take part m one of those transcendental conversations. My spirit is willing^ but my brain is so awfully weak." " ' , . . \, , "Nonsense, Tom; your brain isnt weak at all, but you never want to exext it enough to show what a fine one you have. "Thank you, Mrs Lawton, for a very pretty compliment/ but I fear you overrate my mentality, which is of the ordinary New York brand, add 3 would cut but a sorry figure against Bostonian grey matter. Now, see here, Kit, why catftl be detained down town, to-morrow night and let you entertain your brainy friends alone ?£ "Oh, Tom, how can you suggest such, a thing? Why, don't you suppose I want to show Mary Brooks Gillingham my handsome husband? She's never seen you, and for all she knows I might have married an unpresentable fright." ''"■Well, I'm glad you think me ornamental," said Tom Lawton, meekly, "and I wish I could -be more useful. Couldn't you coaofo me a little beforehand ?" "I could, only you'd make such a mess of my instructions. You always do, even if it's only, to. serve the guests, from the right-hand end of the platter. But," with a sudden inspiration, "I'll tell you what I'll do— Til give 'you a list of subjects to introduce, and then I'll take them up. and carry on the conversation. 11l write it on a slip of paper and pin it on the taiblecloth where it hangs down in front of youThen you can merely glance downward to read it. I won't give you anything really difficult to say. Such topics as 'The Morphology of the Central Cylinder in. the Angiosperms ' I'll introduce myself." " Whew ! I rather think you will ! And what sort of subjects will fall to my share?" . "Oh, I'll give you 'The Altruistic Outlook foom a Twentieth-Century Viewpoint,' or something like that. I won't tell you beforehand, because it would cnly^muddle you up ; but if you read the topic on the list" 1 you can. announce it with that dignified legal air of yours, and the Gillinghams are sure to be impressed." "And thm you'll take it right up, and not leave, me to flounder helplessly in the. wake of my own, ship?" "Of coure I will, and except for an intelligent agsent.now and. then; you needn't speak again untiLthere is another pause." "All right. lam game, and I hope, for your sake, I'll succeed." ', Next evening Mrs Lawton' sat in her drawing-room 1 awaiting her ' intellectual guests. Her handsome husband soon joined her, and die looked at him with, decided satisfaction. "Oh," she exclaimed, "you are the dearest and the most beautiful thing in all the world. And I'd rather have you than a university professor, but, just for tonight, you must appear to be the embodiment of erudition." . : " Oh, I will, you 1 may trust me. But did you put my list in its place?" " Yes, I've just beea- out in the diningroom and pinned it to the cloth. They're all in plain, simple words. But if you do venture a remark now, andi then,, try to bring in such words as * viewpoint,' ' atmosphere' and 'ethics.' Then, if you could use 'arrestive' and 'convincing' it would help." " I've memorised those ; they're dead easy. Any more?" "What an apt scholar you. are! Well, you might refer to the inner circle and talk about an obsession." " What is an obsession?" " Oh, something that gets hold of you and won't let you go." " Ah, like a crab or a lobster, I sup- ■ pose." ' ".No, Tom ; how absurd you are 1 Well, : don't try an/ obsession, then, but say that you find in this or that a message or an interpretation." "Yes, I can do that," replied Mr Lawton, and then there was time for no further instruction, as the expected guests were shown- into the room. Mrs Gillingham, who had been Mrs Lawton's girl-friend in ' Boston, was duly impressed with the fine physique and courteous .bearing of her host, and! as he said little, she 'had no reason to consider him as other than a savant. Dinner waa announced, and amid gay and desultory chatter the four seated themselves. But once she was fairly launched on the first course; Mrs Lawton's frivolity left her, superseded by a gracious gravity which betokened thoughtfulness on serious subjects. : " What is you opinion," she gaid, turning her beautiful ;eyes toward Mr Gillingham, " of ' The Spatial Threshold of Colour, and Its Dependence on Contrast Phenomena ' ?" "I beg your pardon?" said the gemtle'man addressed, and Mrs Lawton repeated her question. "I— l don't think I have any opinion about it," he replied, and there was a brief silence. "It is a book," said Mrs Lawton, "one of the Psychological Series, but though it is yet. new I supposed' you had read it." No reply was made to this by either guest, although it had been addressd impartially to both, and Mr Lawton. assumed that it was now his turn to assist in th© intellectual conversation. "Isn't It astonishing," he said, smiling "blandly at Mrs Gillingnam, "how the inner circle' regard moth-balls?" j ; "It is, iadeed," returned his guest, with ! an animated nod of her head, "and how \ they can endure them is more than I under- | stand. Why, I would rather the mothswould eat all the fur I possess than to have ! that abominable odour about." ' I " Yes," assented her husband,, " and it is , such a persistent odour. " You may shake, you may scatter Your olott-hes as you will, j But the soent of 'the moth-ball Will ib&ng round lihem still."' I "Ha, ha! tuat Is truer* laughed Tom ; Lawton j " and it even hangs round furniture and rooms as well as clothing. Why, I have an antique desk that I bought at aai auction, but it's spoiled by th& fact that somebody once put a moth-ball in one of the drawers ; and though I had a Yale lock \ put on that drawer, and then locked it and i lost the key, in certain kinds of weather

that moth-ball speaks louder than -words." "Perhaps the desk was formerly owned by a degenerate who enjoyed the .odour," said Mrs Lawton, by way of adroitly changing the subject, "By the. way, Mary, did you like Doctor Brownson's paper on ' The Rubaiyat as a Degenerating Influence'?' " I_ w hat was it in ?" said Mrs Gillingham, uncertainly. "In the current number of 'Earnest Inquiry,' " replied her hostess. " You must have seen it." . ' . t "Yes," replied her friend, "I saw the magazine, but— but lam not sure I read that article. Did you, John?" " No," said her husband, and again there was a pause. Mr Lawton decided she musfc make another plunge. "What dQ you think of our hail wallpaper?" 'he inquired. "It seems to me particularly amative." "It is indeed," said Mrs Gillingham. "I noticed it the moment I entered. ! I admire ib very much." "So do I," said John Gillingham. "Its a magnificent pattern. I toB Mary only this morning, said I, 'Mary, stripes are all very well for rooms, but for a hall — no.' Did' you do it, or the landlord?" " Well," said Mr Lawton, "we did it ourselves. You see, the landlord had papered the whole apartment just before we came in, and we couldn't very well ask fhim " " I see, I see," broke in Mr Gillingham. "It's always so ; you can gefc just about so much out of a landlord 1 , but no more." "But there are landlords and landlords," said 'his wife. "Now, when We lived in Eighty-fourth Street " "Oh, yes, my dear, but that was west. You see, we're on the east side now, and it makes all the ■difference in the world." "Is thaSt so?" . said! Mr Lawton, with, much interest. "In what way, now? You see, we, being on Central Park South, know nothing of the other points of the compass." "Well," said Mrs Gillinghaim, with a , judicial air, "one can't (have everything in an apartment. Often you have to make a choice between light and space, or between locality . and! service." . "Yes," said! Mr Lawton j "and isn't it funny, when people talk about their apartment, they always dilate on its advantages, but when they mention other people's flats it's always t/heir unpleasant features?" "True ■"'"indeed," said Mr Gillmgham. "It's 'human nature, I suppose." "Speaking of human nature," said' Mrs Lawton, " did! you attend- Mrs Winch's morning lecture yesterday, Mary?" " No," said Mrs Gilling'ham, in an apologetic tone. ." I meant to go; but I ha/d an appointment at my tailor's. What was the subject?" "She talked on 'Human Nature versus Natural Humanity,' and it was perfectly absorbing. She has such a convincing manner, and she handles a subject with such an assured touch. It had a message for me." Mrs Gillingham looked rather blank, but she curled a leaf of salad round her fork with 1 an assured touch as she said': ' "The lecture was given at the Fly -Leaves, Claib, wasn't it?" . "Oh, no," said! her hostess; "it was at the Bluestocking Morning. Do come next week. It is so satisfying." "I will try to," said' Mrs Gillingham, amiably, and again conversation flagged. Tom Lawton glanced downward. Then, with the air of one who plays his ace of trumps, he said blandly : "From a utilitarian viewpoint, what do you think of th© garbage man?" Mrs Lawton turned pale, but Mr and Mrs Gillingham both spoke at once, one saying: "He's the curse of our lives," and iSke other, " Oh, isn't the .perfectly dfeadful !" Then fcb.© lady went on: "I suppose he's a necessary evil, but he does make us so much trouble. Why, after I'm so careful to make the maids keep the paper and rags separalte from the bottles and cans, and the table-scraps are most carefully, looked after, yet that man — ■ — " "And one ma© pays tlhe city ninety-five thousand dollars a year for idle privilege of collecting and sorting the refuse," Mr GiUinghami was Saying,, and! then the discussion grew so animated! thiat Mrs Lawton determined to change the subject at the risk of interrupting her guests. She did so, but 'her query as to how far Carlyle's estimate of Cromwell was influenced by partisanship failed! to elicit more •Khan a few monosyllables in (reply, and a silence fell. This Mr Lawton cheerfully broke by inquiring the ethical value of waitresses' aprons. Mrs Gdllingham was discursive on thie subject, and opined' that they should be "■furnished! by the mistress, andi tihat shoul-dter-lappets were desirable and 1 impressed the maid with the dignity of -her position. Mr Gillingham .held the lappets in disfavour, explaining that they always appeared to him like wings, and ihe feared his waitress would be wafted) away just when he wanted! some hot toast. And bo the conversation, though elevating at one time a-nd 1 absorbing at another, was never both, at once. Mis Lawton struggled bravely, and Mr Lawton assisted cheerfully, but it was a decided relief to botfli of them when their guests 'bade iihem goodnight. "And now will you tell me, Tom Lawton;" said his wife, almost tearfully, " what you meant by introducing such, fearful subjects as the garbage man and moth-balls, after I begged you to mention only the themes I noted* on the list I gave you?" "Why, dearest," said Lawton, wife a perplexed look, "that's just what I did." "What was what you did?" "Why, introduce the subjects you wrote down. I got them off one after another, just in the order in- which they were written, and I carefully interspersed my conversation with those words you told! me to use. Viewpoint I think I used twice." "Oh, Tom, What are you talking about? I didn't write those awful things down for you to talk about. I wrote " " Come out in the dining-room and look at the list. That iwiill settle the <mattei»> if Ellen didn't destroy the paper when she cleared the table. I'm afraidi she did," continued Mr Lawton, as they reached the dining-room and found) it in order for the night. "No, here it is on the mantel. There, light of my eyes, what have you to say for yourself now?" Kitty Lawton took the paper, glanced at it, and! witifo a cry between a laugh and a sob, threw herself into her husband's arms. " Tom," she said, chokingly, < " I made a mistake, and gave you the wrong paper. That's the memorandum of things I have to 'attend to to-morrow morning!"