FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7232, 19 October 1901, Page 3

FUN AND FANCY.

A' man should keep his friendship in con* stanfc repair. Careful observation shows that wealth brings happiness — ait least, as often as poverty does. " Who wrote the most — Dickens, Warren, OT Bulwer?" "Warren wrote 'Now and Then,' Bulwer 'Night and Morning,' and Dickens ' All the Year Round.' " Shopman: "That's the best cigar we have in the house." The Customer : "Don't apologise, young feller; tbatfs all right. 1 used to work in a fertiliser factory." Mrs Old Boy : " Oh, you needn't talk, ; John. You were bound to have me. You can't say that I ever ran after you." Old' Boy: "Very true, Maria. And the trap never runs after the mouse, but it gathers! him in all the same." ' .. ~ Papa: "Well, Johnny, you went to churca this morning?" 'Johnny: "Yes, papa." Papa: "How did you like the sermon?" Johnny: "The beginning was good andi the end was good, but tihere was too much middle to it, papa." Two little London girls who had! been, sent by the kindness of the vicar's wife to hay» " a 'lhappy day in. the oountry," narrating their experiences on. their return, gaid:| " Oh, yes, mum; we did -ay© a 'appy day. ; . . We saw two pigs ikilledi and a gentleman buried." . . A man made a wager wiflx a lady thaife" 1 he. could thread a needle quicker than, she v A could sharpen a lead pencil. The mam> won— time, 14min 40sec. It is thoilglifly . that the result would (have been different if the woman had not run out of lead pencils inside of five minutes. "That was rather a— well, a tame ser-t man of yours, Mr Mildman," said! the rector* just returned from a holiday. " Was ■ it, sir?" responded the curate. "It wasß'k mine. I've been too busy this week ta^ write one, and I took it from a bundle in your handwriting out of the library."- , The quarrel between the newly-wed^ couple was working up into a regular row, when he said : " When you begin to talk nonsense I (hold my tongue!" Bu* it was too bad for her to say: "If I were guided by the same rule— witlht regaird) to you, — I , should never .speak; at all I* : Then ther battle began again. A well-known Perth doctor, as witty aar 1 • he is clever, came across a master butcher 1 . .;. the other day admixing et block of houses which he had recently pub up.» "Well, doctor, what think ye o' thaii block?" asked the butcher. "Think o't?" replied the doctor. " I juisb think there* .-."i mair profit in killing than curing 1" A POLITE REBUKE. , . A lady entered a draper's shop in •> thriving northern town recently and casually inquired the price of some blankets which were neatly folded on the opposite. / shelves. The shopman took down one after another, until the counter was strewn over with a pile of unfolded blankets of various colours and prices. After tossing them a number of times the shopman said : — " Well, ma'am, I hope some of them will meet your requirements?" ■.„. . "Well, you see," said The lady, hesitat* ingly, "that is, not to-day. The fact is, I'm just waiting for a friend." . * ' 4 "Well, ma'am," said the shopman, wearily, as he viewed the chaos, "if you still have the idea that your friend is amongst these blankets I'll toss them all over again.'*