MR BOWSER'S TRIBULATIONS.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 6895, 8 September 1900, Page 3

MR BOWSER'S TRIBULATIONS.

Sd Puts la Two Hows 7 Worts With, A Neighbour's Boy. (Boston Globe.) * 16 had 'been arranged that Mrs Bowser «nd the lady next door should attend to Bomo ohurch matters, in the evening, and that the lady's four-year-old son should be the guest of Mr Bowser and the cat for a . couple of hours. The little fellow .looked around in a dubious way as he was ibrought over, but fell asleep before the ladies got away and /was tudked up on the lounge. _ "Don't you worry in the slightest," said 'Mr Bowser to the another. "If he jhappens to wake up, Til do everything to amuse bini. I always loved children, and they naive always taiken to me.' Bless. his little heart, but I wish he hadn't tfalleh asleep. '> Five minutes later the front door closed on his mqtfher, and the boy awoke. He didn't awaike with the languid gentleness of a' rabbit, but all of a sudden he sat up with a howl of affright. The howls ran' from No. 1 to No. 17 before Mr Bowser could realise the. situation, and the family cat, who had been prowling around; the room, made a dive for the hall, and ; appeared totally panicstricken. During the next tew minutes Mr Bowser tried hard to be ajnother. to that boy.. He drummed on the piano, knocked oh the window, and cavorted about the roomC .; He handed over his watch 1 , his wallet, his keys, and his knife. i He ran to the kitchen for sugar, tea, coffee, starch, and baking-powder. Anything and everything was at the disposal of that boy until ho ceased to ihowl ana sdb. ' "Me wa.nt story," he said, as he dug the tears out of his eyes with his fists. <. Thereupon Mr Bowser told him the following story: — "Once upon a time there was a bobtailed' dog. He was spotted. He was three years old. He loved bones aoid meat and fried oysters and ice-cream. He had no mother or father, but was not a dog to do wicked things. i • "He didn't swear or chew or drink, and ihe was . no liar. There were dogs who wanted to fight with him, b\it he would not 1 fight. When they came around and said they could knock his eyebrows off and roll him in the mud, he jumped over the fence a.nd ran. away. Well, things went on this way for a long time, and then— and then— •" • ' i And then the boy began, howling because there was no more bobtailed dog. Mr Bow6er got the cat in , but the howls continued ; then he got down on hands and knees, and cai-C he was a horse, but that wouldn't WOTk. ' ,' He get oufc a. book with pictures, sang '" Roek-'a-Bye Baby" and whistled "Yankee Doodle," and after ten minutes' work thrown away, he was greeted with that same tearful remark : — ; "Me want story." ( Thereupon Mr Bowser, who had wilted •liis collar, and busted the straps on his vest with his exertions, sat down andbegan i-& : i " There was once a bear. He went around locking for boys who cried. (Howls of fear 1 ; ;from the boy.) No, I mean, he went around J looking for girls on roller skates. This : bear lived in the woods, and he was not afraid of either man. or guns. Whenever he caught a boy -. (Howls.) ( "I mean, whenever he caught a girl he ! carry her off to his den and eat her ' tip at two mouthfuls. In one year that bear eat up 10,000 girls. One day when there were no girls about, and he was very \ [hungry, be thought he would eat a boy. ■ '(Awful howls.) Hold on, now, I'm going to tell you how tho boy killed the bear. You j But the boy refused to see. He'd heard ! > bear stories before, and he knew there (was a screw loose somewhere. He sat up and hcwled, and he lay down and howled, and the cat fled in terror, and Mr Bowser felt chillis go up his back. There was more lively drumming on the piano, more wild gallops around the room, more singing and whistling. Exercise in a gymnasium couldn't compare to it, but there weretfraly two waya to stop that howling. The boy must be either choked to death, or hear another story. ; Mr Bowser wasn't quite ready yet to do murder, and so he gaspingly began: — "Well, you know, there was once a; boy named Willie Scott. (The howls ceased.) He had a goat. It was a black gcat. "You've sefen a goat, of course. He has horns., and climbs over fences. This goat loved the boy because he was so kind to it. Some boys would hit a goat with a. crowbar if they got mad, but Willie never even • etruck his goat with a stick. If ever you geb a goat and want him to love you, don't abuse him. , "A goat has feelings' as well as a' boy. Well, one day Willie and his goat were cut on the sidewalk, and along came a lion. The lion was hungry, and wanted to eat the' boy up. The boy begam to cry, but. the goat said to him— Let's see. What did the goat say? I don't remember just what ibe said, « but— but— —" ' There was no finis, and there were howls and sobs and lamentations from the kid on the lounge. He wanted to know whether the boat ato up^h-e lion, or the lion ate up the boy, and Mr Bowser had left it all a mystery, Ho was picked. up and danced around the room, but he added kicks to his howls. He was carried upstairs and downBtairs, but he would not be quiet. There came half-formed ideas -of throwing him out of a back window,' or chucking 'him into the coal-bin, but he was at length returned to the loungb. . Then Mr Bowser swere about forty swear words to liimself, and began : — "You know that a boy should always mind what his father and mother tell him. (Howls cease.) If he doesn't, then ho is a bad boy, and something will happen to him. "I once knew a boy whose name was Sammy. He. waa abcut as old as you are, and about as mean. Ono day he wanted to tihrow the clock out of the window, but his ' mother said, 'Sammy, don't do that. If you do a wolf will come and eat you up.' What did that boy do? He waited until his mother went down to the store, and then he threw the clock out. "He didn't believe that a wolf would come, but that same afternoon, when he was playing in the back-yard, a great' big' N wolf , with eyes as big as teacups, and a tail, ten feet long, jumped over the back fence, and growled and growled, and the boy yelled," lor his mother, and the wolf showed his teeth, and — and — well, that's all." ; But it wasn't. That wolf either ate that, boy up or he didn't, and the youngster on' the lounge Avanted to know. He began howling with redoubled vigour, and Mr Bowser determined on hia death. ' ' "Ho wouldn't kill him in the house, but he would take him to the river and oust 1 him in. Ho had just picked the howler up and got I" 111 under his arm, and the cat was looking on with great satisfaction, when the ladies returned, and the murder was prevented. "Woman," said Mr Bowser, after the pother of the child had departed with hirm

&" her arms) " tihia law will probably allow you alimony l" - '■'•■ :■. ■ ■ " "But -what for?" she asked. , "Divorce!" he hoaasely replied. ./'The limit has been reached. My lawyer will serve the papers on your lawyer to-morrow, and you can go home to yiiur mother by tho ten o'clock train.'*; • ■