FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 6132, 19 March 1898, Page 4

FUN AND FANCY.

In a country newspaper appearedtthe following announcement: "A number of deaths unavoidably postponed." Diner: "Isn't that a rather email steak?"' Waiter: "Yes, Bir 5 but; you'll find it will take you a good while to eat Raw recruit (on duty): "Who goes there?" Answer: "A friend." R. R. s "Advance, friend, an' gie's a pipe b* baccy." "Don't go by fust impression," said Uncle Eben. " Whah'd folk be now ef de man dat diskivered de oystuh hadn't stopped ter pry open de shell ? " Miss Brimmer (between gasps) : " Yott'll p-pardon— me— Mr Hacker, if— l remind you that— this is simply a waltz— and nob a scrimmage in a football — match." Barrow: "That's a dandy wheel you have there, old man. I'll take a little spin on it some day. By the way, what kind of a wheel do you think I ought to ride P" Marrow : " One of your own." Chemist: "Bad to take? Not at all. ft has a very agreeable taste. The children, sir, will cry for it." Customer (father of nine), tastily: "Then give me " some other preparation, please." Polite hatter: "What style of hat do you wish, sir?" Adolphus: "Ah, I'm not particular about the style ; something to suit my head, don't you know." P.H. t " Step this way and look at our soft hats. 0 Little Boy: "Isn't fafchors queer P/' Auntie: "In what way P" Little Boy: " When a little boy does anything for his papa, he doesn't get anything; but if another man's boy does it he gets tuppence." " Yez know Casey, the contractor P " said MrDolan. " Oi do," replied Raff erty. "Is he what ye'dcall reliable P" "He is the most reliable man Oi iyer knew. Whiniver he tells yez anythin', ye kin depind an it's not bein' so." Officer: "How is this, Murphy; the sergeant complains that you called him names?" Private Murphy: "Plaße, Burr, I never called him any names at all. All I said was, ' Sergeant,' says I, ' some of US ought to be in a menagerie.' " Glux: "Great guns! I believe you're getting deaf, old man." Gilks: "I'm not Could never hear better in my life." Glut (producing a watch) : "Can you hear that watch tick ?" Gilks (triumphantly* : . "Distinctly." Glux: "That's queer. The watch isn't going." Young Lady: "Givemewrae yard of — — Why, haven't I seen you before ?" Ribb&n Assistant : " Oh, Maud, have<you forgotten me ? I saved your life at the seaside last month." Young Lady (warmly) : "Why, of course you did. You may give me two yards of this ribbon, please." Tired and hungry husband : " Why is . dinner late again, Julia ? It is half-past seven, and there are no signs of it." Wife : "Well, dear, the fish did not come till seven — and the cook has the neuralgia— and the Browns never dine till eight— and I'm sure we're as good as they, any way t"