FUN AND FANCY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5567, 16 May 1896, Page 3

FUN AND FANCY.

Reggy (quoting " Hamlet ") : "' If thoa wilt needs marry, many a. fool.' " Maude : " Oh, Beggy, this is.Bo sudden !" "United for Life's Battles" is the significant manner in which an American contemporary heads a list of marriage notices. . . "What's the difference between notoriety and fame?" "Well, if a man is notorious he's still alive; if he's famous he's dead." ....•■ Herr Stohwasser : " Bot I haf you yourgorrect fare given!" Cabby :" Correct fire ! 'Aye yer ? W'y, I b'lieve as thk 'ere . blooniin' shillin' was. mide in Germany!" • '.'• "•■•-'■' Carleton Gates :, "Are you reaUy so hard up,?",.-' Tramp: "Hard ;up?. Why^sir, if . suits of clothes was sellin' at a penny a piece, I wouldn't have enough to buy the arm-hole, of a vest;" An artist being asked: "Is sculpture difficult?" answered: "Why, bless yon, no ! You have only to take a block of marble and a chisel, and knock off all the ' mavble you don't want." M'Ginnis ;" That's a moighty foine whiskey. How owld is it, Pat ? " Pat (pouring the last drops into his friend's giass) -. " Faith, Oi don't know ; but it's as owld es iver it will be ! " » Fat lady (at the seaside). : "I am going to ride on one of the donkeys, and 111 pay for one for you if you like to accompany me." Small Boy : " Thankee, mum, but I'd rather sit here an' laugh.'.' To come home and fly into a passion because supper isn't ready, then take up the evening paper, read an interesting article, and let the supper grow cold— only a husband can manage that. . . " Your daughter has a remarkably pretty foot, Mrs Snaggs/' said Mrs Bloomfield to. her friend: * Indeed she has," replied this, grateful mother, " and I have : decided to let some sculptor make a bust of it.".. • There was a young lady of Cre\^e ■- Who wanted to catch the 2.2; ,-.-■ . Said a porter, " Don't liuii-y, Or flurry or scurry, . '.'■' It's a minute or 2 2 3.2," ; ' " What ! only twelve shillings and sixpence for this watch ? It must have cost that to make ! " " Yes, sir, it did." "Then where's your profit ?" "Well, aiii I 'ope the gent as buys it will let us repair it, sir." Miss Wanterno : " I have brought this book back Mamma says it is not fit for me to read." Librarian: "I think your mother must be mistaken." Miss Wanterno : " Oh, no, she isn't. I've read it all through." A little pamphlet called "Humour in ye Sixteenth Century," showed that ye joker of that period borrowed a great deal of his wit from ye humourist of ye nineteenth century, without giving a particle of credit. Patient: "The examination seems to have delighted you, doctor. I judge from your happy countenance that you can save my life." Dr Sawbone : " I cannot promise you that ; but we must perform a number of niost interesting operations on you." Jimson : "The saddest part.of city life is the fact that you frequently see faces that you long to know, yet never see again." Billson: "That's true, and the saddest; thing about country life iB the fact that : you' easily make the acquaintance of the owners of such faces, and then are bored half to death."