Fun and Fancy.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5427, 30 November 1895, Page 3

Fun and Fancy.

It is hard to believe that a man ia telling the truth when yoa know you wonld lie were you in his place. Gentlemen (to peddler) : " Now he off. or I'll whistle for my dog." Peddler t " Let me sell yon a first-rate dog whistle." Bixby : " What idiots girls are when they imitate men!" Marie (flattered) t "Do you think so P That proves how excellent the imitation if."

" Tell me," said a lady to tm old soldlsr, "when you were in the army wen yon cool in time of danger P" "OoolP" answered the truthful veteran. "I fairly shivered."

" Jamie," sharply called ont hie mother, "you've been loafing all day. Satan always finds some work for idle hands to do. Take this basket and bring in soma kindlings." The eye of little Elsie was attraoted by the sparkle of dew at early morning. "Mamma," she exclaimed, "ifa hotter*n I thought it was. Look here ; the gran ii all covered with perspiration." Angry pedeßtrian (picking himself. np) t "The next infernal scoundrel— o, l see ! It was a man on horseback. Never mind, sir. It didn't hurt me. I thought it wm one of thoße darned bicyclers." Hortense* "I suppose there is alwaye something in life to spoils a man's happiness.*'' Van Jay : " Yes ; if a man it poor he can't be happy, and if he is rioh the chances are he will get married." " No," said the very advanced woman,' "I shall not wear bloomers any more.'* "Why not P" "The pockets are so easy to find that my husband has gotten into the habit of going through them whan I am asleep." "What do yon think of this preview existence theory P " " 1 know it is to ba supported by facts. . For instance, I know a woman only twenty-seven yean old who often thoughtlessly tells about thing! that happened about thirty-five yaan ago."

Old Mercator (to little Billy Duoks, just left school, who applies for situation aa oflice boy, and produces testimonial .from clergyman) : "We don't want you on Sundays, my good little hoy. Have yon a reference from anyone who knows yon on week days ? "

" Siß'll be down pretty soon," eaid Johnny to young Mr Hankinson. "It always takes her a long time to pnt oa her good clotheß." There was a brief silence. It waa broken by Johnny. " Some people think candy ain't good for little boys. It don't never hurt me. It sticks right to my lungs and makes ma grow."

An intensely reserved man, Ibsen is not at all fond ot talking ot himself or of hia works. At a dinner come time ago the wife of a well-known artdat, being seated beside him, insisted on conducting the conversation to that end and finally main* tamed at length that his " Hedda Gabler w was an impossible woman. "Bnt« madam," he answered, "I drew he* from the life." "Yes, HerrDoktor, bnt I am a woman. I should know. I say again tbat it is impossible that such a woman should exist." That wae too muoh for Herr Doktor ; like a flash he turned on her. " Idiot 1" be ejaculated, whioh was naturally the end ol that conversation.