Fun and Fancy.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5357, 7 September 1895, Page 3

Fun and Fancy.

Doing a driving business— Burning a livery stable. Does a "rattling-* 1 business — "Bonoa" in the minstrel show. ■ There aeems to be competition in everything. Even the dandelion doesn't have the entire field to itself. A man we have heard of has ench a cracked voice that he rarely says anything without breaking hie word. The Coming Woman: "My darling give me just one little kiss." The Coming Man : " No, indeed. Why, yon haven't been shaved to-day." Mrs Quiggs : " Your husband reminds me of somebody." Mrs Neighbors : "He reminds me of bis mother every time the cooking doesn't suit him." Mistress : " Did yoa manage to find the basket of eggs that was on the pantry floor, Kate P " Servant : " Oh, yes, mum— aisily. I shtepped in it." "Come, dear, kisi my oheek, and make it up," she said, forgivingly. "I'll kiss it," he answered, "bat I don'b think it wants any more making up ! " In judgment now I daily err, As cycles past me whirl ; I gaily call " Good morning, sir !" Then find it was a girl. " Was Borne founded by Borneo P " in* ' quired a pupil of the teacher. " No, my son," replied the wise man, "it was Juliet ' who was found dead by Borneo." . The New Woman's Club has passed a resolution that as the new ironolad ii spoken of as " she " it ought to be known as a woman-of-war, not a man-of-war. Johnnie (visiting) : " Can I have another biscuit P" Johnnies ma : " Why, Johnnie, what an appetite you have." Johnnie t ' H'm. You're two ahead of me, ma." Mrs Bray : " I thought you said it was the little boy next door who was making all the noise P" Little Johnnie: "80 it was, ma. I was beating him with a etiok." Tommy: "Ob, Mr Tomkiua, may I touoh you P l .' Mr Tomkinst " Certainly, Tommy; but why do you wish to?" Tommy: " Well, I heard sis say you were so soft, and I want to see for myself." " My task in life," said the pastor of one of our churohei, complacently, "consists in saving young men." Whereupon one of our fair maidens, with a soulful long* ing, replied, " Save a good one for me," The happy youth and maiden fair Bodo out the summer through. For (manning runs the country o'er, On a bicycle built for two. They married when the autumn came, And now they try to run A little house out Linwood way On an income built for one. The lady had given the small boy an apple, and he had said nothing in recognition. " What does a little boy say when he gets anything P" asked the lady, insinuatingly. He hesitated a moment. " Some little boys," he said, "says 'thank you ;' some says ' much obliged :' and some just keepß thinking how muoh better an orange is than an apple." The other day a teaoher at a girls' sohool, while putting a company of juveniles of the gentler bsz throngh theii spelling, came to the word " lad," of whioh, in aooordance with the modern method, she asked the use and signification. One little puss, on the question being pat, with a sidelong look, nnblushingly answered: "They're useful for courtin 1 witb." "It is really ridiculous," said Mr Figg, "to see the style the Henderbys put on, when everyone knows that they are as poor aa— as poor as-—" " Plaster," Buggeated the youthful son and heir. " Poor as whatP" "Poor as plaster— porouß plaster— don't you knowP" "Now, look here, Mrs P., if you don't send that impudent kid to bed in five minutes I'll thrash him till he can't stand. I'm not going to have any new humourists in thia house."