THE IDLER.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 5256, 11 May 1895, Page 6

THE IDLER.

Excitement is not good for tho nervrs of some people, aud oven a journalist, it Beams, may become a victim to mental sickness. When the Perthshire arrived at Lyttelton, en route from Brisbane to London with a shipment of cattle, tho first edition of the Star announced the rumour that there wag a suspicion of tha dreaded pleuro-pneumonia aaiong tho big Queensland bullocks, and that the vessel had been isolated. Then thero was commotion in Cashel Street, and a scrambling.for information. How beautifully the scribe told off for that special duty must have been stuffed. He gravely roeorded that a Government official had been interviewed respecting theso bullocks, and that tho official in question had revealed a secret. " Somo of the animals, he said, were calving, and under tha cironmstaneea one had to bo very careful." That marvellous announcement was altered,, vory carefully indeed, for tho morning publication, and it isn't safe to whisper the word calf within hearing of that reporter.

* Sho has mce eyes, very nico eyes, and knows how to usa them, and they lent much expression to her face aa the conversation turned upon bookn and authors. "Thero ia one book," aaid oho, sweotly and demurely, "that waß not written b'/ human hands." Bather a startler, wasn't it P "It's a riddle," ebe added. I thought no too, and after much coeitation elected tp give it up. The "ripe, red, ruddy twolipß" parted a-jain, and then camo tha explanation : "It's « Uncle Tom'a Cabin,' »ndifc.was written, not by human hands, but by Mra Beecher S— towe. Don't you •eo?" I gasped.

doesn't make men tho shape you order 'em."

Here is a delieiouslnfe of tongue-banging I have dug out from the reports of proceedings at tho YVhiteclmpsl County Court. Many of my readers will be aware that Whitechapel is not ono of the most aristocratic districts, by any meanß. The plaintiff was a "lidy" »amcd Hannah Solomon, and " Vitechapel vos tbe village she vos born in." She claimed 53 6d, the value of a cake and a baking dish which laaab Wedel, a baker, had ruined for her. This is how tbe case want :—

Plaintiff said that ahe mado a light cake, which ehe took to defendant's shop to bo baked. "When it was returned toher it was burnt to a cinder. She anted him what he was going to do, and ho offeied her 41b of flour. Ao she had need 81b, besides other iugreaients and baking powder, she waa not satisfied.

Judge Bacon : Only one packet of baking powder ? It was cob a very light cake. Plaintiff : Oh, yes, it waa. But its liko a brick now. It would do to scrub a. hearthstone. Bufc when I m&de it I put in yeast as well, doz of it.

Judge Bacon : Baking powder and yeast loth ? That would spoil any cake. Witness : Nos at all. I always use

both.

Judge Bacon: Nonsense!

Plaintiff : It ain't nom-enee. I've made cakea for the last fourteen yeaxo, and think I ought to know. (Laughter.) What on earth do mon know about these things. (Eoors of laughter.)

Defendant eaid that when the cake wan brought to him ho told plaintiff that be was going out and had no man in Mb bakehouse, and if he took it ohe would have to look after it.

Plaintiff: That's not true. I went to tha Cambridge that night with my daughter's young man. (Laughter.)

Defendant: Next morning when Bhe came for it, and found it' burned, ehe mado & groat row. She spat in my face, and Baid ehe wonld ruin ray business. (Laughter.)

Judge Bacon found for plaintiff, and added that the cake must ba returned to defendant. It was his property now.

Plaintiff : He's welcome, to it, I'm sure. Ho had better stick it in hia shop window. It will let people sou what a fine baker he is. It would make a good foundationctono for a synagogue.

S. LIKPER DEASB.