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Star (Christchurch), Issue 5092, 27 October 1894, Page 3

I Everyone is anxious to help tbr.. nun who doesn't need it. I Now is the time to buy thermometers— they will soon be poing up. " Money is close," Bays a financial writer, > "but not quite close enough to reach." i "Don't forget, then, Ann, that your master ia a colonel." " Oh, I adore ßoltuera, ■ ma'am." ( Nothing makes a man more cautious thnn > the conviction that hiß advice is goioi/ to '' • be followed. . Begy : " Anything unneual happen while i I was out, JanoBB?" James: "Yes, bir§ • your tailor didn't call." It is oot the greatness of a man's mean* i that makes him independent so' much as ' the amallness of his wants. As long as a woman (curls her hair she i cannot truly be said to have resigned J either soul or body to despair. Books are so cheap now that the poorest < people can buy and own them, and the ■ richest can borrow and keep them. i She: "They cay that porions of opp> site qualities make the hanpiesb mari riages." He: "That's why I f m looking ' for a girl with money." • Husband: " Didn't I tell you that that was a secret, and that you were not to tell > it to anyone P " Wife: "You told me it ' was a secret, but yon did not say I was \ not to tell it to anyone." Father: "You're not exactly the kind ) of man I would like for a son-in-law.* • Suitor: "Well, you are not my ideal of ft ' father-in-law either, but we needn't be chummy, unless you like." I Coleridge was a bad rider. One day he . was accosted by a would-be wit. "I say. i do yon know what happened to Balaam P** Coleridge answered, "Tho same as hapi pened to me—an ass spake to him.'' Young bride (pouting) ; " Her* tro lwr* 1 only been married two days, Clarenoe, and you're scolding me already." Husband i "I know, my dear; but just think how long I have been waiting for the ohanoe." He Won His Bet.— Lady: "Bit, how came you to send in Herr Yon Falkenstein's card?" Visitor: "He bet me yesterday a dozen of champagne that if I [ called upon you, you would not be at ' home." Voltaire, when he began the study of ! English, and found that " ague " was pro- ' nounced two syllables and "plague" as one, said that he wished that Halt the , English had the one disoase and the other half the other. -.■'.... 1 Applicant: "No ma'am. I conldnt 1 work where there was children." Mrs ' Keephouse: " But we advertised for a girl who understood children." Applicant : " I do understand 'em ma'am. That's is why t I wouldn't work where they are." Admiring Mamma : "I don't think yon have quite caught the expression of Evangeline'B nose." Artist: "Madam. Raphael couldn't do better than that. Admiring Mamma : " Why not P" Artißfc t 1 " Because, madam, Baphael is dead." When you see a girl pasting, a scrap--1 book full of cooking receipts out of the ' ' weekly papers, you know pretty well that ' some young man is in a position to be congratulated; and yet, when you think of the xecipeß, you feel rather sorry for him, 1 too.