Fun and Fancy.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 4739, 2 September 1893, Page 3

Fun and Fancy.

'I You cay Smith leade a dual life ?" 'Yes; he'aa bull ou the Btock exchange, and a bear at home." Drunkenness may bn a disease, bub itß victims aeeni more willing to pay for the eymptoaiß than for a doctor. " What is pillage, papa ?" ," ft .is | charging ha] f-a-crown for sixpence worth ;or pills, my eon. It is a very lucrative business." 0 fairest of damsels, the graduate girl, Around you what mjsteries hang ; | In your essays you give us five pylUWe word* ' And when you're at home you talk clang. Reynaid: "He called uae a coward, a bully and a liar ; would you advise me to fight him ?" Asletree : ■"I don't see, what . eke you cau do; you would probably lose ' a 6uit for slander." ... ... |" "Why doa'fc you sit down, Sonny?" . 'fThia morning I asked you how many : made a million, and you eaid darned few. I iold teacher that in arithmetic olasß to- ' day,- an' that's why I can't sit down." . i Papa : " Mercy ! what an interrogation poinfa you are ! I'm aure 1 didn't ask flinch : strings of questions when I was alioy." \ Little Son : "Don't you think if you bad you'd be able to answer more of mine ?" ; "Is it, considered an honour to ba : sent out &s a missionary ?" " Yes. I Why?" " I was oDly wondering," said ; MrsVeaiy.; "my husband's congregation | are unanimously desirous that he shall go." j It is said that when Benjamin Franklin ; proposed to otart a newspypsr hia mother j tried to dissuade him from it because she I said there were already two papers in ! America, and there was no room for '. another. . "Dats jess de wAy!" aaid Eastus. " Here I's stole and stole chickens for yeata an' never got caught; bnt der ruinnit I goes and' buya a hen for supper Ie 'rested :on s'picion. Honesty's de wust policy I ebber seed." • ' ■' " A countryman had lo9t his wife and a favourita coty on the same day. His friend* j consoled him for the loss of his wife; and ' being highly respectable, several hints and offer j were made towarde getting another i for him. "Ou ay," he . at length replied, j "you're a' keen aneuch to vie me anither j wife but no yin. o' ye off> ra to gle me another coo." . / .. V -V A celebrated actor wha had been driven to his theatre in a hansom paid only, th« legal fare. Cabby, looking gloomily at the money, said, " Are you the gentleman wot plays Shylock the Jew. at that, .'era thasyter?" " Yes, I am," was the 'reply. " Ah, I thought so," retorted the cabby, "and you does it first-iatej it'a quite natural to you." A lady ai Blackbeath, advertising" for two servants, appends the following hint :— " Such as fea.r God would be j greatly valued. Ecoles:aites XII, 13." The j test referred to is that which says, " Eear : God and keep hia commandments, for this jis the whole dnty of man." Even in the most religious households, hqwever, a good deal more than this is included in the whole duty of servants. . .■_