LITERATURE.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 7066, 19 January 1891, Page 1

LITERATURE.

A MECHANICAL MINISTER.

There waa trouble in the Byesville . orthodox church. Old Parson Thome, -who for the last forty years has been a faithful shepherd to his flock, no longer occupied the pulpit. Byesville was a struggling little hamlet when the good man first came there, and he had seen ie grow to a thriving, bustling town. With this material change there had gradually -come a corresponding spiritual alteration in the minds of church-goers, and they began to find the parson's simple expositions of the Divine truths a trifle too quiet and slow for the progressive spirit whioh animated them. As to the parson's personal worth and Christian humility there was no question, but his theology was not abreast of the times. At first the murmurs of discontent were heard from only a few, bub the feeling seemed to be contagious, and as time wore on it grew stronger and stronger, until there could be only one possible climax — the supplanting of the present pastor by a .younger and more advanced clergyman. The first of these steps had been already taken; good old Parson Thorne had -preached hia farewell Bermon, and the pulpit was vacant. The second move, however, waß found to be far lobs easy of accomplishment. There had been an almost unanimous desire for the resignation of Parson Thorne, but when it came to choosing his -ucoeßsor considerable dissension arose. The difficulty wbb not so much a question 1 of dootrinal belief as of mental and physical equipment. The ladies of the parish were unanimous in their desire for a handsome bachelor. The men, while willing to concede this muoh to bhe infirmities of the weaker sex, were equally determined that the newcomer should be a maa of phenomenal brilliancy. In short, nothing less than a Beeoher with the form of an Adonis would Buit all parties.

The Committee of Selection was placed .in a very unenviable position. These worthy gentlemen, Deacons Simpson, Stimpson, and Grubb, faithfully strove to bring about the desired result; they carried on an extensive correspondence with numerous desirable parties, and they made, on Beveral occasions, visits to neighbouring cities, bat all to no practical purpose. The desirable clergymen, while willing enough to listen to their proposals, speedily declined them when they ascertained the insufficiency of the salary offered. On the other hand , tho3e who could be secured were found to be altogether too far below the standard desired. At laßt, failing to secure the wished-for prize through the ordinary channels. Deacons Simpson, Stimpson, and Grubb resolved npon a bold move. They inserted an ingeniously worded advertisement in a prominent New York religious journal and awaited the result. Their patience waa not put to a severe teat. On the tenth day following the first appearance of the advertisement, a stranger stepped from the New York morning express train into the Byesville Station, and a few moments later was conveyed in the village omnibus to the Wallingford Hotel. Hiß baggage, a metallic-bound trunk of unusual size, soon 'followed him. Ab he stepped to the clerk's desk to register, he appeared to beaman of about forty years ol age. He registered a3 "John Sogers," and after a short conversation with the clerk, which resulted in the sending of a boy on a mysterious erraud, waa shown to -room -16, whither his trunk preceded him. A subdued noise of hammering wan beard from the stranger's apartment for a brief period, and then uli was still. Half an hour later a gentle knock on the door of No. 10 announced the presence of Deacons Simpson, Stimpson, and Grubb. The stranger ushered them in with quiet courtesy and begged them to be seated. " Gentlemen*' he said," you are doubtless aware of the business which has brought me here?" "I presume," replied (Deacon Simpson, who was the self-elected Chair i_ an of the Commitee, "you come -in answer to our advertisment." "In the 'Trumpet of Faith,'" added Deacon Stimpson. "Jes' so," chimed in Deacon Grubb, sententioualy. "You are quite right," responded the stranger, with a pleasant smile which displayed his fine teeth to. advantage ; " your advertisement has indeed brought me here." I The committee eyedhim critically I ** You won't mind our asking you a few questions?" queried Deaoon Simpson. "We haTe"*em written out," explained Deacon Stimpson. " Here they be;" said Deacon Grubb, producing a bulky note-book. J "One moment, . gentleman," cried the] stranger. "I fear you are labouring under a slight misapprehension. I am not a candidate for ministerial honours." The committee looked in astonishment j at each other, and then stared blankly i about the room. For the first time they noticed that half the apartment was partitioned off by a heavy curtain." " We supposed, of course, that you were ' the applicant," said Deaoon Simpson, looking annoyed. " Naturally enough as yon arrived •alone," put in Deacon Stimpson. "Jes* so," added Deacon Grubb. " Another mistake, 1 " said the stranger. " I did not arrive alone. My friend, the candidate, is of a retiring disposition, and desired me to Bee you .first and give him time to prepare for the interview." "Where ia he ?" in chorus cried Deacons Siinpeon, Stimpson, and Grubb, looking with a common impulse towards the curtain. The stranger followed their glances. "You are quite right," be calmly answered. "My friend ia there. Excuse me, gentlemen." He dashed behind tbe curtain. A low clicking noise was heard for a moment, and then the drapery waa suddenly drawn aside. An exclamation cf surprise broke from the three deacons. They saw an improvised reading-desk at the end of the Apartment, behind which, in a thoughtful attitude, sat a distinguished-looking man.

" Gentlemen," briskly cried Mr Rogers, unconsciously assuming the air of a travelling showman, '"I have the dis<tingnished pleasure of introducing you to tthe Rev Mr Dnmmeigh." The deaesois rose with much gravity and •bowed very stiffly. **• We welcome yoa to Byesville," -said Deacon Simpson, with a dignified air. "And extend, sir, the right hand of fellow-ship," added Deacon Stimpgon. "Eight hand of fellowship," echoed Deacon Grubb.

To this cordial greeting the distinguiehedlooking figure at the table vouchsafed no response; hia attitado of profound meditation remained unchanged. Some—hat.ta_en aback bj this! rigid reception , th c worthy -deacons, after a moment's hesitntioo, turned an inquiring look upon Mr Jonn Sogers. "Ah," said that gentleman, in a taatwnring tone, " I ' see I roust explain. Let mado so ss briefly ac possible. Our clerical friend here is not, as you suppose, a being of flesh and blood, but & creature of my own invention." This astounding revelation had a startling effect upon the deacons. Thoy simnltaneously arose with the evidont intention of inspecting the figure at olo.e quarter?, Jmt Mr Eogers ohecked them. /'One momenb, gentlemon," lie Baid*

"after I have finished my explanation I shall be moßt happy to exhibit the figure and its workings to you. Tou may not be aware of it, but lam an inventor of considerable repute, although this is my first effort in thiß direction. The idea, however, of such a mechanical figure has possessed me. It grow upon me, and I gradually enlarged its Bcope until you see before you now the perfect fruit of my imagining."

He paused with a dramatic gesture towards ttie figure. The three deacons were listening with breathless attention. " Having thus," he continued, "briefly touched upon the clericomotor, I will nob proceed to explain its merits and its workings. In the first place you are aware that the popular church of to-day is the successful one. And the successful church can only be ereoted on a sound financial basis. Look around you," ho suddenly cried, with a grandiose sweep of his arm, "at the successful churches, where the petvs command gilt-edged premiums and the tinkling of the silver as it falls into the contributation box drowns the loudest notes of the pealing organ !"

(To be continued.)