CHILDREN'S DROLLERIES.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 4342, 24 March 1882, Page 4

CHILDREN'S DROLLERIES.

The interest shown in the droll doiDgs and amusing observations of little folks, is proved by the success of recent works on the subject. Most of us have some time or another heard

children come out with as comical things aB any, invented or otherwise, that we see chronicled. Not long since, a correspondent sent to a provincial paper an anecdote of the kind referred to, of whioh his six-year-old boy was the hero. He says: "I keep a shop, and sell fanoy goods. A gentleman came in to buy something. It was early, and my little boy and I were alone in the house at the time. The gentlemen gave me a sovereign, and I had to go upstairs to my cash-box. Before doing so, I went into the little room next to the shop and said to the boy : ' Watch the gentleman, that he don't steal anything ; ' and I put him on the counter. As soon as I returned, he sang out : ' Pa, he didn't steal anything—l watched him. 1 You may imagine what a position I was in," Children's questions are often no less embarrassing than they are amusing, as may be instanced in the story of the mercenary little boy who overheard a conversation respecting a wedding that was soon to take place. At breakfast next morning he recalled the subject by asking the following question : " Papa, what do they want to give the bride away for ? Can't they sell her ? "—A little one returning from the "Zoo" through Regent's Park with a friend of the writer's, pointed to some flowers growing there, and inquired if they were tame ones ; meaning, of course, with his thoughts on the animals he had just seen, the reverse of wild. — At a whale exhibition, a youngster is said, to have asked his mamma if the whale that swallowed Jonah had as large a mouth as the one before them, why didn't Jonah walk out at one corner.

" You must think Jonah was a fool ; he didn't want to walk out and get drowned" was the quick reply of a younger brother, before the mother could answer.

It is related, of another infant inquirer who was looking with great interest at a foaming pan of milk, that he suddenly exclaimed : " Mamma, where do cows get the milk from?" "Where do you get your tears?" was the answer. After a thoughtful silence — in which the mention of tears had evidently recalled certain associations — he again broke out : " Mamma, do the oows have to be spanked ?"— On seeing ' a house being whitewashed, a small boy of three wanted to know if the house was going to bo shaved. — "Do you know how I gee into bed so quiok, mamma ? " said a little girl. " No, darling ; how do you ? " was the reply. " Why, I put one foot on the bed, and then holler out

' Bats ! ' and scare myself right in." — A lady, when admiring the stars on a bright night in a tropical climate, waß suddenly asked in the most innocent way by her little son of five years old if thoße were the nails that held up heaven.

Apt replies of littlo pooplo when scolded or questioned find many illustrations, as, for example, when a little girl, after being sharply reproved by her mother for some misconduct, said aftor a moment's pause ; " I should fink, mamma, from the way you treat me, you was my step-mower." — A four-year-old boy lying in a bed in which his brother was also to sleep, replied, when his mother exclaimed : " Why, Tommy, you are lying right in tho middle of the bed ; what will poor Harry do ? " " Well, mother, Harry has got both sides." — Another youngster of about the earno age, seated at the tea-table, said : " Mamma, may I have some sardines ? " " Wait till I'm ready, child." " Why, Ma, it's me 'as wants 'em," was tho comment, in tones of surprise. — A boy who had always refused to eat oatmeal, in spite of his mother's urginga that it w.t> a ttrengthecing diet, suddenly surprised her one morning by eating a liberal plateful and calling for more. Upon his mother asking

for an explanation, he replied : " I am bound to eat oatmeal till I am strong enough to whip Johnny Scott."

Little Freddie when visiting a neighbour's house was offered a piece of broad-aad-butter, which he accepted, but without any show of gratitude. "What do you say, Freddie ?" hinted the lady, expecting him to Bay "Thank you." " I Bay it ain't cake," was the impolite response. — The father of a family, after reading from the morning paper that the cold the night before was intense, the thermometer registering many degrees below freezingpoiat, said : " Now, children, I suppose you are taught all about that at school. Which of you can tell me what the freezing-point is ? " " The point of my nose, papa," was the prompt reply from one of the youngsters. A gentleman somowhat advanced ia life, and who was never remarkable for his good looks, asked his grandchild what he thought of him. The boy's parants were present. The youngster made no reply. " Well, why won't you tell me what you think of vce ? " 'Cause I don't want to get licked," was the answer. — An American mother, who fondly put the query to her young son, " What would you do without a mother, Tom ? " was dumbfounded with the reply : "Do as I.ljked, Ma." —A mother once showod her child 4 beautiful doll, a St. John, of fine make and colour. " Bee," she said, "he has been very good ; and heaven always rewards tho good by making them beautiful." " Oh," said the child, lifting its shoulders, "don't believe that, mamma. This little St. John looks very meek because he's all glaed up ; but if he could only move, you'd see ! " A little eirl one morning remarked to her mamma that her " button-shoos were hurting;" and probably thought relief might con c by changing right to left. " Why, Lucy, you've put them on tho wrong feet! " Puzzled and juat ready to cry, she exclaimed : "What'll I do, mamma? Thoy're all the feet I've got ! " —An affectionate mother noticing her little daughter wipe her mouth with her dress sleeve, asked what her handkerchief was for, and received for answer : " It's to shake at the ladies in the streot ; that's what papa does with hia." A nurse asked a little boy how much he loved her. " How much is twelve and sixpence ? " was the response. This was a sum he had lately heard his father mention, and in his childish notiou, seemed the fittest standard wherewith to gauga tho capacity of anything. — " Which of you two is the nicest?" was the question put by a gentle* man about to give some Bweets to twin sisters of tender years. " She is," iastantly replied both, pointing simultaneously to one another ; an instance of polite Belf- denial that affordß a strong contrast to the usual thoughtless egotism of youngsters. Children's remarks are at times even more entertaining than their comical queries and replies. One of two children who were amusing themselves by colouring pictures, suddenly exclaimed : " Well, how stupid of me to paint that cow blue ! " " Oh, it's blue with the cold ! " quickly observed the other. — A little girl on being told something which greatly amused her, vowed that " she would remember it the whole of her life, and when she forgot it, would write it down." — A canary had begun to twitter a little after moulting, but was unable to sing its entire tune. A little four-year-old, after listening to one of the bird's vain attempts to master his tune, said very composedly : " Mamma, birdie only sang half a verse." — Canaries bring to mind their enemies the cats. A gentleman had a cat which gave birth to five kittens. On ordering three of them to be drowned, his little boy said ; " Pa, do not drown them in cold water. Warm it first ; they may catch, cold, before they are dead." — A relative of the writer's crossing the Channel when he waß a very small boy, suffered much from sea-sickness. Hearing a good deal of talk on board about the motion of tho steamer, he confidentially informed his parent* on landing, that "if he had a boat, he wouldn't have any motion to it." The following remark of a little girl shows an opinion of her elders the reverse of flattering. " Oh, dear ! " she exclaimed to her doll, "I do wish you would sit still. I never saw such an uneasy thing in all' my life. Why don't you sot like grown folks, and be still and stupid for a while?" — In contrast to this was the delicate compliment paid by an American boy to his mother. The family were discussing at the supper - table the qualities which go to make up the good wife. Nobody thought the little fellow had been listening or could understand the talk, until he leaned over the table and kissed hia mother, and said : " Mamma, when I get big enough, I'm going to marry a lady just like you."