BENEDICTINE TRIALS.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 2614, 10 August 1876, Page 3

BENEDICTINE TRIALS.

BX BBCTCDICT.

The sentiment and teachings of that song entitled n Tie nice to be » pa/* are bate illusions. I neyer fully realised the fact until •> few Sabbaths ago, when my wife laid, " Hobby, can't yon take care of baby to-day while Igo to church ? She will be good with you." Of course I said yea, and m»mm» was soon ready and gone. Then my troubles began. I had thought to enjoy a cigar I had just bought, and read the Chicago Twut a full hour in perfect peace, while baby played upon | the floor and my wife wai at church; but mm for human calculation*! No sooner had mamma gone than baby began to fret. I procured a large, empty tin box and a stick, and sat i down and showed baby how to make a noise by pounding on the box. She teemed pleased with this and I flattered myself that now I was all right) but, no, just as soon as I got fairly straightened out again the box and stick had ceased to be a norelty,and baby was arose again. Then I got the coal-hod, which happened to be empty, and she pounded that for about two minutes, then put her hand inside of it, then rubbed her hands over her face, and in less time than it takes to tell it she looked like a young contraband or an embryo negro minstrel. This would not do. If mamma ; should come home and find babj's face black there would be a time sure. Consequently I was obliged to wet a rag and wipe and rub for about fire minutes to get her face back to its natural colour. Then I tether on the floor i again, gave her my knife, keys, rule, tobacco box and pipe, and thought I was all right again. Not wo. Baby was all right «o long as I would play with her, bat she could not be persuaded to play alone. I finally gare her a newspaper which seemed to amuse, her better than anything I had yet found, and I made up my mind that at last I had found the rery thing a baby wanted, and I began to think how kind it would be of me to tell Dennis, Duff, Hurd, Brandhoefer, Mr Utley and others what a nice thing a newspaper was for a child to play with, and how thankful they would all be in after years when they happened to be placed in my circumstances, to know that an old newspaper will keeps child still for hours, when I was brought to my deplorable situation by a strange noise from baby. I started np only to find that baby had tried to read the paper with her mouth, and that she was choking. To run my finger in her mouth and draw out a great wad of wet paper was the work of a momeat, but the scare caused her to cry heartily for two or three minutes. I then gare up all hopes of reading, and took baby and went to bed. Things went rery well here for • time, until baby began an exploration with hex sharp nailed fingers of my nose, eyes, month ana ears. This I had to stop. She then went for that bald spot on top of my head, then pulled my hair, then tried to puU the studs off say shirtljbosom, then turned round and tried to stickher feet through the window pane, tbsa changed ends and tried to kick my jacket pocket clear through me, and finally fell off the bed and bumped her nose. Then I picked her up, went to the glass to show her the baby, and O what a sight for a father! When I washed her face, after playing in the coal-bed, I nerer thought of her hands, acd now my immaoulate shirt front of the morn* ing resembled the Omaha business map of Nebraska, with the different routes to the Black Hills in black upon a white back ground. Another wet doth was called into requisition, and the shirt made to look as white as possible. Jtut then my wife came back, and after looking the situation orer for a moment, says : " Well, you hare a good timeP Both bee* asleep, haren't yoaf.