VARIETIES.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 1947, 2 June 1874, Page 3

VARIETIES.

♦-" ON THE LATE ENGLISH ELECTION. (By a Licensed Wit.) Don't be surprised that beer and. gin Have brought so many Members in; They are, it should be understood, Elected for " the public's " good. Saving.— Five Year Old : " I say, pa, you need not pay a lot of money for me to learn the piano." Pater : " Why not, my boy ?" Five Year Old : " Because all you have got to do is to put ti handle to it ; then I can play all day long, like the men in the street." There happened, when Dean Swift was at Larcone, in Ireland, the sale of a farm and stock, the farmer being dead, Swift chanced to walk past during the auction, just as a pen of poultry had been put up. Roger (Swift's clerk) bid for them ; he was overbid by a fanner of the name of Hutch. " What, Roger, won't you buy the poultry ?" exclaimed Swift. " No, sir," said Roger, " I see they are just a-Roing to Hatch." A funny and very characteristic story appears in the French Fiyaro. It runs thus: — " A man enters the shop of a barber to be shaved. He sits down, when a big dog cornea in immediately afterwards, and, sitting down in front of him, regards him with a fixed a:are. "Ah! what does this animal mean?"" cries the gentlemen, who feels somewhat uncomfortable. " I'll tell you," replies the barber, meanwhile moving the razor about quickly. " From time to Mme, I chance (i7 m^arrivc) to cut off an ear of a customer — then the dog eats it !" The feelings of the customer are imagined.