Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 1478, 22 November 1872, Page 3

Varieties.

When a lady fainted at a Wisconsin party algentleman thought. ho could resuscitate her by , bit ing her ear- He is- going about with a poultice on hia eye, . '- Mr Reynolds,, tho dramatist, once met a free-and-easy actor, who told him that he had passed three festive days at the seat of tho t Marquis and\Marchioness of , without any : invitation. He had gone there on the assumption that ascmylord and lady were not; on speaking terms, each would suppose tho other had asked. him ; ; and so it turned out. Sheridan agreed with Walker fchafc fche pronunciation .of wind, should bo wynd, but insisted, contrary fco "Walker, fchafc gold should bo goolcL Mr Sheridan, tells us that Swift; used to., jeer those who pronounced wind wifch a short i, by saying, " I havo a greafc niinn'd to finn'd why you pronounce ifc winn'd." An illiberal critic re« torted. this. upon. Mr Sheridan by saying, " If t.may bo bo boold I should bo glad to bo toold.why you pronounce ifc goold ?" A private in. ono of fche Irish regiments engaged in the dreadful battle of Salamanca, cried, out, during tho hottest part of fche action," Oeh, murther, I'm kilt entirely!" ''Are y.ou. wounded ?" inquired an officer near hiui. "Wounded is ifc, yer honour ?" replied ijfche gallant Emeraldor ; "be the powers, lam jj worse than kilt out and out ! Wasn't I wait[;ipg for the lasfc quarter of an hour for a pull ;;afc Jim Murphy's pipe ? — and there, now, it's ;shofc out of his mouth!" I' 1 Somehow or other Bengalees seem to think jthafc thoy have a right to crave bakshish : (money) from every European. An English^ , officer saw a native who was nearly drowned, i while bathing in tho Ganges near Calcutta. Heedless of the crocodiles ho swam fco the man's rescue, and dragged him ashore at the . risk of his own life. When tho officer had poured the water out of him, rubbed his limbs x and chafed his hands, the half-drowned wretch revived, and the first words he uttered were " Bakshish, sahib !" It is curious to notice how toothache gradually abates as you get nearer and nearer to tho dentist's door. It seems almost as. if your tooth was an intelligent being, which, turned coward when threatened, as bullies, generally do. And, indeed, ifc would not bo far from tho mark to say that in such a case tho tooth had been mado to understand that it was menaced, and had been frightened by a process of telegraphy between tho mental and physical nerve. A party of gentlemen in. a liquor saloon, disputing whether tho American system of treating or tho European system of not treating preferable, couldn't Ysettlo fche matter by talking, and co fchey s went fco work testing ifc by practice. First each man took a drink by himself. Then Qaeli, man invited; a; single friend to drink, artd each single friend returned the compliment. And, finally, each man in the party — there were six of. them— asked all the rest to drink. When all that accomplished, not a soul in fcho room could tell where the disoussion originated, or what it was about. When Burke made ono of his famous attacks upon the Crown Civil List, he was j several times noisily interrupted by somebody iwho, occupying an official position in the ; household, seemed to think himself the special guardian and champion of royalty. This officious person kept reminding tho orator every now and then, with vehement intorjaculafcions, of his duty to the king. At last Burke paused in the flow of his speech, and declared that he perfectly understood ifc to bo his duty to honour the king, but he did not thereby feel himself oonstrained '.' fco honour fche king's man-servant, his maidservant, his ox, and (fixing his eyes upon tiie obnoxious intruder) hi 9 &ss,"