A QUEER OLD LADY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 709, 31 August 1870, Page 3

A QUEER OLD LADY.

♦ How different peoplo appear at different times, as, when we are sick or well, rejoicing , or mourning, laughing or weeping. A few | days since, I met an old lady who nodded very familiarly to me, and yet I hesitated to j call her by name, lest I should miscall it. I She looked old and yet young ; soft and smiling, and yet wore stern frowns. She was fair in face, yet her hands were iron. It seemed as if the wind would blow her away, and yet she moved with the strength of an elephant, '• Why, sir," said she, " you seem to stare at me, though you have seen me a thousand times before." " That may be, madam ; but I never saw you so loaded down with all sorts of things. lam curious to know about them. "Would it be rude if I should ask you a few questions ? " " Not at all. Ask away." " Well, what are you going to do with those small thin ladies' Bhoes ? " " Why make ladies wear them, to be sure ! " " Not in this cold wet season ? Why, I can hardly keep my feet warm in these thick double-soled boots. I must have over-shoes. How can they wear such thin cold catching Bhoes ? " " Oh, sir, I have only to bring them to them, and the dear creatures put them on, and never hesitate a moment. They know me !" " And those little half-dresses hanging on your arm ?" " They are to put on little children in cold weather, or to walk out in — naked at the knees, naked at the neck, and hardly covering half the body. You can't think how eager parents are for these dresses." " What h»ve you in this little tin box?" " Lozenges, sir, — troches, horehcund, candy— things that always go with thin shoes and thin dresses. And this bright red box, sir, contains what is called ' conscience-salve,' which I always keep on hand to rub on the conscience when anyone feels that he has done wrong in obeying me. It's in great demand, sir, and a certain cure." " What have you in that bundle, madam ?" " This ? Why, a few nick-nacks, which I sometimes distribute in Sabbath schools, in the shape of dialogues, speeches— things to make people laugh, and to prevent the school from feeling too serious, or thinking too much about religion. You must understand, sir, that I continually have to attend church, to regulate things there, and see that the bonnets are right, the rings are bright, and the dresses complete; yet religion itself I hate like poison ! And here is a box of the finest — what shall I call it ? It is a sort of wit and smartness, which I deal out to preachera, with which they spice their sermons, and become popular. I sell them by the gross, j They are growing in demand, and they are a j real saving of conscience and heart-ache. Warranted to keep in any climate— a kind of sensation powder." " Pray, madam, what are those screws for ?" " Why, to pinch the feet and make them look small, without regard to corns and bunions. They can't wear those little, dear little shoes, except you have these pinchers to go with them." " And that great heap of books in your arms ?" " Those ! They are the latest, most exciting, and the weakest and the most silly novels. But I hand them out, and shake my head with a smile, and crowds read them." " Well, madam, I'm very inquisitive, I know, but I do want to know what you have in that great bag thrown over your shoulder." " A great variety of valuables — such things as ' late suppers ' — in great demand, and which send people to the grave early, and thus make room for more. Then there are ' late hours,' and ' late rising,' and all manner of hair-dressing, and expensive dressing —

things that ladies must have, even if their husbands fail. Here are diamond pins and rings— just the things to stir up envy and create extravagance. Here are gold watches, cigars, meerchaum pipes, gold-headed canes, eye-glasses, and all manner of things to suit all manner of people. And I laugh and coax, and frown and command, till I get them to wear and use them, and do just what I please. Now, I have stopped to talk with you a fewmoments, don't you see what a crowd have gathered around me — low necks, thin shoes, muslin dresses, tight boots, some on crutches, some coughing, some breathing short, all crowding to get near me, and when I move you will see how they all ruu and rush, and crowd after me. Oh, sir, I am the great power of the world. I rule kings and queens, beggars and philosophers— don't you see." " Truly, madam, truly. And now may I ask your name ?" "Name! Fashion, sir; my name is Mrs Prevailing Fashion I I thought everybody knew me !" " Sam, what do you suppose is the reason that the sun goes towards the south in the winter ?" " Well, I don't know, massa, unless he m stand the climate of the norf , and so am 'bliged to go to the souf, where he 'speriences warmer longitude."