Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 708, 30 August 1870, Page 3

Varieties.

A gentleman burying his wife, a friend asked him why he expended bo much on her funeral. " Ah, sir," replied he," she would have done as much or more for me with pleasure." A witness being called upon to give evidence in a court in Connecticut respecting the loss of a shirt, gave the following : — " Mother said that Ruth said that Nell said that Poll told her that she see a man that see a boy that run through the street with a shirt all checked ; and our gals won't tell 6tories, for mother has whipped them a thousand times for telling stories." There's nobbut one way o' managin 1 a woman when hoo's made up her mind for mischief. Talking thunner-en-leetnin' to her, or knockiu' her deawn like a keaw, would have no moore effect than tryin' to dam a bruck up wi' a epoon, or ladin' a pit wi' a riddle. Hood go forrad, if it wur through fire. Th' only way o' gettin' her into th' gears, an' makkin' her t' draw nicely is, promisin' to buy her summat new. Thirty years' study o' woman natur* wi' plenty o' practice i' temper docterin, has towt me that.