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Star (Christchurch), Issue 700, 20 August 1870, Page 3

I An Indian paper reports that a young lady iu that state was recently licensed to marry two gentlemen, and adds that she made only one happy. It does not state which one tbat was, but it must bave been the one she did not marry. The Book, ob thb IsAdx ? — The New York Tribune says :—" Miss Allie H. Jameson has been appointed a notary public at Marshall-town, lowa. When she administers oaths and holds out the book to be kissed, we hope no mistake wUI bo made. Trade Reltobtb. — With regard to. articles of merchandise, we find tbat iron is firm, but india-rubber is a little yielding. Chloroform is still a drug in the market, and millstones are difficult to move. Oysters yesterday were j opened quietly, and ultimately went down | still lower. Lead is rather heavy, but tin is eagerly sought for. A prospectus has been ' issued of a new Aquarium Company, but the tendency is to throw cold water upon it. The Tobacco Loan still remains popular, borrowers of cigars being easily found.*JJHl

A soldier, en his return from an Indian' campaign, being asked by his friends whitl exploits he had done, said that he had cut off one of the enemy's legs ; and being told that it would have been more manly to cut off hia head, coolly replied, " Oh, that was cut off before." An Irishman's Plan jor Getting a Cheap Ride. — The conductors of railway'. 1 , trains in America hold a somewhat different position to tbat of guards in tbis country/ They collect money on the journey, and give tickets to tbe passengers. Immediately before starting from any station, the conductor runs along the platform, and calls out, " All aboard ?" and the train then starts. On one . occasion the guard going his round observed with the quick eye which practice alone can give, a passenger in a train of two or three hundred persons, who bad not paid his fare. He inquired of the defaulter, an Irishman, " Where's your ticket, sir ?" Said Paddy, " Sure, I haven't got one, yer honour." . " Where's your money ?" " Devil a red cent . have I got." "I shall turn you out at the ' next station," was the reply. As soon as the train stopped Paddy was rather roughly ejected. The conductor walked along the cars again, calling out as usual. "All aboard 1" When the train had beeen some time in motion, he walked through the carriages, and, to his surprise, . discovered the Irishman snugly seated in a corner. In a towering rage he said, " Didn't I turn you . out at the last station ?" The man replied, " To be sure you did, your honour; buti thought as I was a poor man your heart warmed towards me, and you'd altered your mind intirely; for didn't I hear ye call out 'All aboard 1' and how the blazes could we be all aboard if I was left behind ?" The conductor burst out laughing, and said, " All ' right, old fellow, you're good for a ride."-— Publie Life of W. F. Watlett. — — — _■___— — — — — — — — —