FLOATING A FINANCE COMPANY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 685, 3 August 1870, Page 3

FLOATING A FINANCE COMPANY.

(From Once a Week.} It was the 10th of April, '64. " Nobbles, I want you to do me a favour," said Smasher, as I was sitting in a grim City chop-house, disposing of some unknown animal fibre and vegetables. Smasher was a genius who lived on his wits, and didn't fatten. He had been a clerk, a soldier, a policeman, an omnibus time-keeper, a reporter, a sheriff officer assistant, a check-taker at a cheap theatre, a supernumerary at ditto, a temperance lecturer, a brewer's collector, the outside agent of a photographer in the New Cut, and a bounding Bedouin of Bessarabia at Asley's. "Well! what is it?" " Nothing particular. I want your name to a bill for fifty pounds, that's all." " Oh ! that's all. Smasher, have you been drinking, or are you mad ?" "Neither. Don't be alarmed; I'll explain all directly. Eating — eh ? Lucky fellow 1 It's well to be you. Now, if you were a Christian, you'd say, ' Sit down, eat, drink, and be happy." Acting on this hint I gave the order, and Smasher was soon deep in roast mutton and onion sauce. "I have a scheme," he Baid, "that will make my fortune. Nobbles, lam going to float a Finance Company I" " A Finance Company .?" "Ah I you may laugh, but it's any easy thing to do; the public mind is ripe for speculation, and they'll swallow anything. All I want is a little money. Iv'o prepared everything ; obtained directors, bankers, auditors, and solicitors; picked up a needy M.P. to act as chairman— terms, two guineas a time and sherry; and an honourable — who was kicked out of an Irishregiment for swindling — at half the price. He's outside now, and wants a dinner as badly as I do." I wouldn't take the hint, thinking if I did I should probably have to pay for a meal for all the directors. " It's only a trifle I want, to advertise the affair; but we are all of us such an awfully hard-up, needy set, that although we've scraped and scraped, begged, borrowed, and disposed of everything to a relative who advances money on deposits, our paid-up capital only amounts to two pounds ten shillings; and what i» the use of fifty shillings ? However, .as managing director, I've hired the top attic of a house in Yernon street, May fair, and paid a fortnight's rent in advance — I looked so seedy they wouldn't trust me without; and the other men whose names figure here (barring the M.P.), and who originally hailed from Gray's Inn lane, Lisson grove, Badger's buildings, Newington-butts, and other unaristocratic slums, have followed my example (here he opened a roll of paper) so that I flatterjmyself the affair looks genuine. See here, I have styled it ' The Great Cosmopolitan Financial Corporation (Limited). Capital— Five Millions, in 50,000 shares of £100 each It is not contemplated to call up more than £3 10s per share.' That's the way to bait the hook, and make purchasers rise." " Excuse me, Smasher, but that seems a large capital." "Of course; so much the better. It's a mere question of figures, and two or three additional noughts— nothing in themselves — look vastly imposing on a prospectus." « Very true, Smasher; they do look imposing." "Good," he said, laughing as he resumed: — , " directors. James Silvertongue Hardup, Esq., M.P., Foodies Club, S.W. (chairman). The Hon John Bouncer (late H.M. Horse Marines, Bog Hall, Fen County, Ireland (Vice-chairman). . I. Brisk Cutaway, Esq. (Director of the Madagascar Tallow Mines, Limited), the Eookery, Westminster. A. S. Windle, Esq. (Chairman of the Aerial Steam Navigation Company, Limited), 460, Bolter's court, Old Jewry. Willoughby Vere de Flashman, Esq., Victoria street. M. le Compte de Rougetnoir, Leicester square and Baden-Baden. Bubbleton Smasher, Esq., 71, Vernon street Mayfair (Managing Director). t " We have fifteen directors, with power to add &c; but that's merely a sample. ' Bankers: The Bank of Both Hemispheres, Messrs Sloper, Golightly and Co. Solicitors: Messrs Pluckem, Fleece, and Bully. Temporary offices : Three Gulls court, Throgmorton Btreet.' The prospectus goes on ; to state— ' That the company is formed to carry on the ordinary and extraordinary business of a finance and credit association — viz., discounting without inquiry, making advances to English and foreign railways and contractors; providing funds to float anything that may turn up; paying interest for deposits at call, and lending them out at fixed periods of, say, three, five, or seven years.' " "la that a safe course to pursue ?" I asked. "Well, that's rather difficult to answer; it's perfectly safe unless . any thing happens; but many associations of 'thin kind do it." " Oh 1 " " Fact 1" you see without risk they couldn't pay the dividends they do. The plan is this —easy as A B C— they lock up every farthing they possess, charging nominally a high rate

of lutetestT^whetherfit'epaidsor not ia immaterial;' but it's calculated regularly aa if 'it was paid, and the dividends come oufcof capital, the general rule being to make. a ' Call of, say, five pounds per share, to pay a dividend of, say, five shillings." ■ j-. " Yes ; but that cannot last." ; " True ! nobody behind the, scenes expects it to. last; but that's one of the many secrets of English finance. Now, Nobbles, fifty pounds will advertise us for one day,;and then the applications and deposits will . roll in ; add your name to this— the M.P. has done so already — and I'll make you a present of fifty paid-up shares; old Mo* Levy will cash it." He went to the door and whistled; whereupon a snuffy-looking Jew shuffled in. "Mo'," said Smasher, "this gentleman will oblige us." "Ah! thatsh right, ma tear; vot'sh the shentlemansh name ?" " Nobbles." " Nobblesh ish a goot name." " Excuse me, Smasher — I Baid nothing of the sort." " But you intend to ; it's all the same. Come, come, you're too sharp a man of business to throw away a golden chance." Dazzled by his words I signed the bill. " There you are, Mo'; and now do your part." "Ah ! Mishter Smasher; yer see, monish is very tight jusht now, sho I must have schent per schent for it; I vouldn't ask yer no interesht votever, but I vill take my j Solomon oath I shall . have to borrow de monish of a friend; and sho, if the company should prove a succesh, I shall expect a pull out of it. Mind, thatsh a bargain." " All right, Mo'; ceme along." And taking his arm, Smasher departed. Three days later, the Cosmopolitan Financial Corporation (Limited) was brought out, and applications for shares poured in. In a week they were allotted. I sold my fifty for double their par value, and retired from the concern. And the molehill became a mountain; and Bubbleton Smasher the grub developed into Bubbleton Smasher the butterfly, with a splendid villa at Twickenham; and in six months was M.P. for Great Bribingtqn. He was toadied to in the city, and on 'Change was worshipped as an oracle by smaller men; and he, moreover, wrote a popular monetary work, called "Smasher on Finance; or, How to Make a Fortune with Fourpence." ' Ho also took up with theatricals, and was lessee, under the rose, of the Blank street Theatre, which he rendered famous for its ballet. [To be continued."]

r .Mm Ghitterby says she knows all about the spots on the son, for her little Charley has just been vacoinated, and is doing beautifully. Southland Roads. — Waggoners, says an Invercargill paper, complain loudly of the state of the roads, and, to put the matter beyond doubt, occasionally point significantly to their bemired teams. Indeed, so completely are the poor brutes plastered by the time they make the return- journey, that, until after a vigorous application of brush-and-water, it is frequently impossible to tell where horse leaves off and harness begins, or to guess the colour of the different animals. As a general rule, the whole turn out— from the leaders' noses to the tailboard, including the driver — is of one uniform slimy drab. Attcki<anx> and the Southern Provinces. —The following is from the Otago Daily Times:— The Auckland Herald, in a recent issue, after referring to the arrival of a cargo of produce from Canterbury, says: — " Who of our Southern. friends, after these and preceding imports, can raise opinions calculated. to bring into contempt a province that can and does pay cash for Southern produce ?" But can no other province pay cash for its requirements? Of course not; how can Otago or Canterbury venture to compare itself with Auckland ? Nevertheless, it would seem as though there were " something rotten in the state of Denmark," for we find the same article contains statements whioh would lead to the belief that tbe credit of Auckland had been doubted. For instance, it says : — " When goods are actually required there is no Sparing of cash to pay for them. Thus, in most grain and flour transactions, the terms have been and continue to be cash, especially as relating to maize, and sonde large transactions have come under our notice which ought really to extinguish doubt about the oredit of Auckland; but this is only one line of business; nevertheless we can enumerate others equally as stable and quite as faithful as to the engagements in other respects." But if "there is no sparing of cash to pay for" goods when actually required, why does the Herald go on to say that " BUrely some credit can be awarded to our consumers" ? Altogether it would seem as though the Aucklanders — flu;h of cash as they are said to be— had given some cause for mistrust. Cheap Railways. — A Mr John Campbell •writes as follows to the Queenslander newspaper:' — As just now the question of cheap roads seems to be the order of the day, it appears to me that a little practical experience may be useful. I beg to lay before your readers a description of a tramway I laid down at Kedbank and Goodna, for the conveyance of coals, over which one horse used to draw forty tons of coal per day, besides the truck and trolleys (making, altogether, about 29 cwt.), a distance of from a quarter to one-third of a mile,— altogether, in and out of the mine, of from twenty to thirty miles per day. The construction of this tramway is most simple; it consists of two lines of rails of hardwood, five inches square, laid upon transverse sleepers of half round logs of about ten or twelve inches through, laid with the flat side down, so as to afford a firm foundation. On the upper or round aide of . the sleeper a notch is cut, to correspond v witb the size of the rail, the ineide of the notches being all uniform and of any gauge that the railway is intended to be wide; the outside of the notch is cut at an angle so as to receive a wedge as well as the rail. This wedge is the only one fastening required — no nails or bolts being needed. Wherever the end of the rails meet, a sleeper is laid under the joinings and a .wedge inserted and driven home, and so in pyery sleeper laid, this wedge being on tbe outside does not interfere with the running of the flange of the wheel on the inside of the rails. The rails may be of any length, but about twenty feet long will ba found as convenient as any. The cross sleepers may also be placed at any distance apart that may be found convenient, but. generally about ten feet apart is sufficient. It appears to me that such a tramway, laid upon a gauge corresponding with the present; railways would answer a good purpose in any flat country such as I believe the Maranoa to be, and I see no reason why a small locomotive might not be run upon.it by adapting the wheels to the rails. At all events the size of the rails may be increased if found necessary. Upon the rails a truck is run, having cast iron wheels, with a tire corresponding, to the flat surface Of the rails, and a flange on the inside of the wheel cast at such a slight angle as will prevent the wheel griping the rail and allow it to run freely. Wherever a curre is required the outer rail is raised a few inches higher than the inner one, so as to throw the weight oo the inside, and thus allow the turning to be easily effected. When one side of a rail becomes too much worn to be useful, the wedge has only to be knocked out, the rail turned over, the wedge re-driven, and so on, until the four corners are worn out. If made Of good ironbark, blackbutt, blue "gum, or other durable timber, the rails will last a great many years. I annex a statement ofjjwhat I consider the cost of the timber to be per mile for such a road. Of coune the whole cost would depend' upon the nature of the country upon which it is to be laid down, and what amount- of bridges were required. — Estimated cost of timber for such a tramway. :— Say 10,560 feet of timber, running measure, at 20s per 100 feet, £105 12s ; 528 sleepers at 18 6d, £44 12a ; total, £150 4s. Lawyebb amd Law Charges.— A bill has been, introduced in the House of Commons providing that the remuneration of attorneys and solicitors may be fixed by agreement with their clients. The agreement is to exclude all further claims by the attorney in respect to the conduct of the business in reference to which it is made. If this bill becomes law, some of the abuses referred to in the article in the February part would be remedied; That article has been subjected to professional criticism the justice of which, on

some points, the editor freely acknowledges. In stating some practices which are on all bands condemned, the writer guarded against application being made to tbe profession generally. Bat the tone of the article having given umbrage to legal readers, the editor regrets that the censures were not more specifi cally limited to certain abuse?. We hare received some specimens of solicitors' charges, the bare publication of which would explain our meaning. Speaking broadly of solicitors and attorneys as a class, they form an honourable profession, numbering in its ranks thousands who are as upright and conscientious as any class of the community. As to the expenses of conveyancing, and the forms of drawing up bills, the law itself is answerable, with the usages of the profession. To effect reform in these usages is the object of the bill before Parliament at the time when we are writing Mr Bathbone (M.P. for Liverpool), in moving the second reading of the bill, said it was unnecessary to detain the House at any length, as " the present mode of remunerating attorneys and solicitors was universally condemned. It was marvellous that there should have existed so long a method of remunerating men by the length of their documents and the number of items they could put into their bills. Such a system of charge was offensive to every high-minded practitioner, while it gave an opportunity to the greedy and unscrupulous to fleece their clients." HaviDg shown how the present system hindered measures of law amendment, especially in regard to mortgage and conveyance of property, Mr Bathbone explained that the bill would permit attorneys and clients to come to agreement for a fixed remuneration, safeguards being introduced to prevent attorneys from taking advantage of the ignorance or inexperience of clients. Taxing masters ought to consider not merely the current usages, as to charges, but to estimate the skill, labour, and responsibility in each case. They should have power to remedy wrongs, even after payment of a solicitor's account. Trustees ought also to be allowed remuneration for legal services to clients. A trustee at present is not entitled to make professional charges in that capacity. Bbv. Wahd Beechbr's Model Fabm. —Our American cousins have a crooked way of viewing and of thinking over things sometimes, but there is often a deal of profound philosophy in the conclusions at which they arrive by these means. The following sketch of a modern agricultural teacher and amateur farmer might be applied to more than one schemer in agricultural matters in this country, and particularly to the irrepressible adventurer of Tiptree Hall. Mark Twain wrote some time since to the Buffalo Express as follows; — "Mr Beech er's farm consists of thirty-six acres, and is carried on on strict scientific principles. He never puts in any part of a crop without conaulting his I book. He ploughs, and reaps, and digs, and sows according to the best authorities— and the authorities cost more than the other farming implements do. As soon as the library is complete, the farm will begin to be a profitable investment. But book farming has its drawbacks. Upon one occasion when it seemed morally certain that the bay ought to be cut, the hay book could not be found, and before it was found it was too late, and the bay was all spoiled. Mr Beecher raises some of the finest crops of wheat in the country, but the unfavourable difference between the cost of producing it and its market value after it is produced has interfered considerably with its success as a commercial enterprise. His special weakness is hogs, however. He considers hogs the best game a farm produces. He buys the original pig for a dollar and a half and feeds him with forty dollars' worth of corn, and then sells him for about nine dollars. This is the only crop he ever makes any money on. He loses on tbe corn, but he makes seven dollars and a-half on the hog. He does not mind this, because he never expects to make anything on corn, any way. And any way it turns out, he has the excitement of raising the hog any how, whether he gets the worth of him or not. His strawberries would be a comfortable success if the robins would eat turnips, but they won't, and hence the difficulty. One of Mr Beecher'e most harrassing difficulties in his farming operations comes of the close resemblance of different sorts of seeds and plants to each other. Two years ago his far-sightedness warned him that there was going to be a great' scarcity of water melons, and therefore he put in a crop of twenty -seven acres of that fruit ; but when they cams- up they turned out to be pumpkins, and a dead loss was the consequence. Sometimes a portion of his crop goes into the ground the most promising sweet potatoes, and comes up the infernalest carrots — though I never have heard him express it just that way. When he bought his farm he found one egg In every hen's neat on the place. He said that here was just the reason why so many farmers failed — they scattered their forces too much. Concentration was the idea, so he gathered these egge -together and put them all under one experienced old hen. That hen roosted over that contract night and day for eleven weeks, under the anxious personal supervision of Mr Beecher himself, but she could not ' phase ' those eggs. Why ? Because they were those infamous porcelain things used by ingenious and fraudulent farmers as "nest eggs." But perhaps Mr Beccher's most disastrous experience was the time he tried to raise an immense crop of dried apples. He planted 1500 dollars worth, but never a one of them sprouted. Ho has never been able to understand to this day what was the matter with these apples. Mr Beecher's farm is not a triumph. It would be easier on him if he worked it on shares with some one ; but he cannot find anyone who is willing to stand half the expense, and not many that are able. Still, persistence in any cause Ib bound to succeed. He was a very inferior farmer when he first began, but a prolonged and unflinching assault upon his agricultural difficulties has had its effect at la3t, and he is now fast rising from affluence to poverty." '