Varietles.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 573, 22 March 1870, Page 3

Varietles.

When a Dutch maid-servant wishes to go to a dance, and has no swain of her own, Bhe hires a cavalier for the occasion. A beau with an umbrella receives double pay. " A great lie," Bays the poet" Crabbe, "is like a great fish on dry land; it may fret and fling, and make a frightful bother, but it cannot hurt yon. You have only to keep still, and it will die of itself." " Man," says the anatomist, " changes entirely every seven years." " Therefore," says Jones, "my tailor should not ask me for the bill I contracted in 1862. I am not the same person; hence I owe him nothing." At a dinner of the Cincinnati flremtnj recently, the following sentiment was proposed: " The ladies I their eyes kindle the only flame which we cannot extinguish, and against whioh there is no insurance 1 " A deaf and dumb person being asked to give his idea of forgiveness, took a pencil and wrote — " It is the sweetness which flowers yield when trampled upon." Men are frequently like tea — the real strength and goodness is not properly drawn out of them till they have been for a short time in hot water. A clergyman told an Indian he should love his enemies. "Me do love 'em," replied the latter. " What enemies do you love most ? " " Rum and brandy." A lady who refused to give anything after hearing a charity sermon, bad her pocket picked at she was leaving the chnrch. On making the discovery, she said, "The priest could not find the way to my pocket but the I devil did." , " Lawyers," says Sara Slick, " have grown co genteel, they have altered their very name and very natur'. Once upon a time, tbey used to be called attorneys, now, forsooth, they are s'liciters ; formerly they were styled lawyers, but now nothing but bannUters will do ; and nice bannisters they are for a feller ro lean upon that's going down stairs to the deuce I " When George the Third was once returning with his queen from Fgham races, a remarkably fine child attracted his notice. M Whose son are you, boy, eh ? " enquired his majesty. " My father is one of the king's beef-eaters," replied the little fellow. " Indeed 1 (exclaimed the monarch,) then down bn your knees, sir, and you shall kiss the queen's hand." " No, but I won't, though : because it would dirty my new breeks I