Varieties.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 572, 21 March 1870, Page 3

Varieties.

When may a smith be said to commit felony? When he forges. A little boy, returning from the Sundayschool, said to his mother, " This cat-e-chism is too hard. Isn't there any Mtten-chism for little boys?" An Irish friend of ours the other day thundered out a noble answer to a pestiferous \ dun. "You may call, sor, for the dirthy bill this day month, and if I see your ugly face before that day, be gorrum I'll hare to take the receipt from your executors." Merchants think nothing of paying £5 for one sign, with nothing but their name on it. Well !' what do you think of having 5000 signs a week in a newspaper ? In it you can show your whole establishment to the public every week. If you are wise, just rub I your eyes, and go to work and advertise. To a toast of "The babies! God bless them," a railway conductor responded : " May their route through life be pleasant and profitable, their ties well laid, their track straightforward, and not backward. May their fathers be safe conductors, their mothers faithful tenders, and their switch never misplaced." I was amused with the remark of a boastful American friend of mine whom I met the other day. " Well," he said, *' you beat us jin one thing to fits." " What's that ? " I j asked. " Fogs,'* ho replied. " I cut out a block of last nights one," he added, " and am just going to send it over toßarnum to put in the museum." "One fool makes many." — "If you will quote any of my jokes," said Lamb, " quote i this, which is really a good one. Hume and I bis wife and several of their children were with me. Hume repeated his old saying, 1 One fool makes many.' * Ay, Mr Hume, said I, pointing to the company, ' you have a fine family."' I A gentle Quaker had two horses— a very good one and a very poor one. When seen riding the latter, it turned out that his better half had taken the good one. "What !" I said a sneering bachelor, *• how comes it that you let your wife ride the better horse ?" The only reply was, " Friend, when thee be married thee'll know."