THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XL, Issue 25, 21 February 1920, Page 7

THEY SAY

—Wonder what Mr. Massey's cure for the coal impasse is? Coal-ition?

—New Zealand eggs are to be 6s. a dozen next winter—so weF's have to bear the foreign yolk.

—There is slight trouble in the leather trade—but cargoes of cardboard are already on the way.

—The Government sent machine guns to Fiji, but bores of much larger calibre have been despatched to Samoa.

—The Northumberland loaded all the butter after all. What about giving New Zealand kids dripping, mam ?

—Remarkable statement by reputable paper, "Ships are getting bigger." Bolsheviks with bicycle pumps are suspected.

—A gentleman of 80 has lately married a sweet young bride of 73. Among the wedding presents was a perambulator.

—The scarcity of bacon is alleged to be due to the scarcity of hogs— but there are still thousands riding in motor cars.

—Up to now General Manager McVilly has not left for Samoa toreport on the advisability of a Main Trunk Line there.

—There's a new German ambassador in London. He hopes to entertain a large number of relatives at the Embassy almost immediately.

—Now York robbers stole £25,000 from a bank vault and have gone to gaol. New Zealand profiteers who stole £250,000 have gone to church.

—"What's up, Jim?" said a man to his gloomy mate. "The rent!" grizzled Jim. "Well, don't look so down about it?" chuckled his friend.

—The names of the gentlemen who have written the "Prince of Wales' " speeches for politicians and Mayors have not yet been published.

—Motorists consider the new spokeless wheels with the metal plates much more satisfactory. They strike the pedestrian a far harder blow.

—Part of finding in a case of suicide: "The mind of deceased was temporarily unhinged on account of incessant unsuccessful house-hunt-ing."

—Australia is also suffering from a sugar shortage. A Melbourne paper publishes a photo showing 10,----000 tons in bags in a Footscray Store.

—"Hee! Hee!" chuckled the tailor as he galloped with the tape round the profiteer's "turn "—THIS is what they call "commercial expansion, is it?"

—The hard protuberances noticed in the back pockets of the police are hysterically believed to be revolvers. In reality it's the new issue of pocket books.

—A commercial traveller: "Our job isn't to try to sell goods nowadays, but to ask customers for heaven's sake not to give us.orders, as we haven't got the goods."

—Extract from a New Zealand Parish Magazine, "Will the worshipper who deposited SIXPENCE in the offertory, Sunday, February Ist, kindly call at vestry and receive his CHANGE?"

—Fish has "gone up," and it was often very "high" before.

—Japan may make light of her troubles—but not of her matches.

—Apropos, of licensing matters, a genius calls closing time "Shicks o'clock."

—Mr. Massey is filling the Cabinet. He will supply the French polish himself.

—Market report: "Beans — very little enquiry." This is a most misleading statement.

—The Government is at present worrying about Income Tax. The citizen says it's all Outcome.

—"Wot's all this 'ere about 1914 Stars?" asked a citizen. "I sold a big bundle to a butcher at a penny a pound."

—There is a dreadful shortage of crockery and glass in New Zealand —but if you have plenty of "tin" it doesn't matter.

—A lady gazing at a very celebrated soap-box orator paddling in the briny, "Hasn't he got lovely thin white legs?"

™—In the recent international football match Ireland v Wales— played in Ireland—the fatalities were not above normal.

—Farmers are encouraging the immigration of "land girls"—young farmers who don't want the girls to plough a lonely furrow.

The Prince of Wales has no objection to spending three nights in an Australian train. He can have a spell from the speeches.

—Explanatory headline, "German counter-charges." If they're as solid as New Zealand counter-char-ges they're pretty deadly.

—"Auto" writes from Sydney:— "The price of everything here is awful, but everybody can afford to carry a revolver apparently."

—A gentleman has discovered that Aye Colonials have distinct racial characteristics. Mr. Ward is right —anything with a race in it will do

—New Zealand has declared war on profiteers. By spending £20,000, the State intends to permit the mere citizen to get his ten shillings back.

—There is a little Waiheke story of the Labour M.P.'s, an ex-Labour M.P., the dinghy, and the surf—and one of 'em is just as plucky as he was' in Waihi.

—"I see," said the bookmaker to the dear old lady, "They're prohibiting sweeps at Home." "Then," said the dear old lady, "Plenty of chimneys will catch fire."

—The rumour that "the farmers will not take up batons" again is denied. They will cut good knotty ones for the profiteer next time, according to one of them.

—-Large numbahs of—ah—automobilists in the South have seceded from the Association on the"—ah— ground that some fellahs with cheap cars have been admitted doncherknow!

—The King lately rode in a " 'bu's " for the first time. His heir is promised a luxurious sensation by riding .in a silent, smooth-running, cushion, spring, rubber-tyred Devonport 'bus.

—A learned judge listening to a hotel employees' Arbitration Court case, pathetically remarked, "Bottled beer has gone up." We respectfully submit your Honour is wrong. It goes down every day.

—Extract from newspaper: Bolshevism is fast gaining ground among all classes, though hated and mistrusted by everybody." A bull was recently sold for £3,000, but this "bull" appears to be even more priceless.