MERRY LEAVES FROM THE FUN TREE.

Observer, Volume XL, Issue 9, 1 November 1919, Page 28

MERRY LEAVES FROM THE FUN TREE.

AT TAKAPUNA BEACH.

"Why don't you come in, Winnie?" , ~ , * , "No, dear, not whilst those fellows are on the beach," "They won't take any notice ot "No, dear; that's why." ® ® ®

OUR BEDROOM DRAMA.

Lady Customer: "I want to buy a bed." A Salesman: "I am very sorry, madam but theatrical managers have contracted years ahead for all we can ge t."_" Judge," New York. ® ® ® Wilhelm's picture is being painted by a noted German artist. Don t stop him. We can hang that, too. —Nashville "Journal and Tribune. © ®> ® The latest from dry America: Owing to lack of liqnid refreshment the Yankees are bottling up their indignation. © ® © "No noose is good news " as Wilhelm said when he heard that the death-penalty was barred for nun. ® ® ® A new hair tonic has just become very popular at Porto Rico as a beverage As a hair tonic should, it gives one a furred tongue. ® ®> ® Openwork stockings are said to provoke the attention of insects. But they will not go out of use while Fashion demands gnatty ankles. ® ® ® Now ladies' combs are being made From worn-out films, well hear again— , , The truth, this time, 'twill be—that girls ~ ~ Are getting "pictures" on the brain. 0 « ®

CHEERIO!

When the news of "more beer" Falls at last on the ear, And the rain bubbles down from the sky, We're assured once for all That, whatever befall, Old England will never be "dry" ! Sg> Q> 8>

ANOTHER COLOUR RIOT

A negro private had spent long, tiresome months in a camp and wanted to go off on leave. He had a pass, but not the password, and when he came to the sentry, the sentry refused to let him go. The negro pulled out his little pass and offered

"That isn't enough," said the sentry. "You must have the word. "You mean that piece o' paper won't let me out?" demanded the "Have to have the word." The negro reflected, then he pulled out a razor and began stropping it on his sleeve. "Man," he said impressively, "I gotta father m hell, a mother in heavin, an' a girl m town, an' I'se gwine to see one of em tonight."

The Germans may as well drop all this defiant talk about the sword. Swords aren't '|n their line now. What they need to do is to familiarise themselves with the working of the fountain pen. Charleston "News and Courier."

GAS

"Oh, yes," said Ginger. "Gas is a terrible thing: it's like getting married, or drinking French beer; you only want one dose of it in a life-time. Then again, like getting married, it take? years to cure even a mild dose, but I was lucky: I got over mine in two days." "Two days!" I exclaimed. "Why, man, it's impossible, no doctor alive could work a cure in so short a time." "Oh, indeed!" and Ginger looked hurt. Seeing his face I speedily ordered two more glasses of H£o 98 per cent. HOPS 2 per cent, (formula gratis), and asked him to tell me all about it. After saying the drink did not look very sunburnt, he went on. "'Twas like this: Our battalion was at Hooge when I got it. For three days I had been suffering badly with neuralgia, but on this particular morning, apart from having the wind up, I was feeling fairly fit. You have heard of the thing that poetry chaps calls 'death's prophetic ear'? Well, I'd got two of them that morning : something told me I was going to be gassed. "W 7 hen I took the first breath I rather liked it, it was nice and sweet so I took another one. This time, however, my heart began to do a jazz, and my chest swelled until I felt like an observation balloon, and all the time I seemed to be sinking lower and lower. I knew then it was gas, and I thought of all the Church Parades I'd not attended, and all the money I'd lent the S.M., and then I lost consciousness (whether it was the thought of losing the money or whether it was the gas, I don't know). Wnen I came round there was a chap in a white coat bending over me saying, ' I got both those back teeth out all right, but the third one gave some trouble.' "He was the dentist," said Ginger, finishing his beer. "You see, I'd reported sick the day before."

PEACE, PERFECT PEACE

Oh, Peace, you are simply delightful! You have brought us all blessings galore— And outside the fact that coal's gone up six bob, That demobilised officers can't get a job. That you cannot find houses, and landlords won't let 'em, That suits cost twelve guineas and then you can't get 'em, That fares are the same as they were in the war, That whisky is dearer than ever before, That the cost of the war on the Germans is shown From the fact we've been booming a Victory Loan, That everything's doubling its price up in town And nothing for years has a chance to come down, That our boots and our shoes are tip fifty per cent. And we'll none of us make in our lives what we've spent— Yes, outside of that it is easy to see, Why on Peace Day we all went as mad as <xmld be ; Why we're all so excited at warfare s release, And why we're so. tickled to death we've got Peace. —Valentine.