THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXVIII, Issue 5, 6 October 1917, Page 7

THEY SAY

—That firms as well as films need some censoring. .

—That none-of our museums have a species of the land shark, yet.

—That few trousers are worn out at the knee by prayer.

—That business men are those who let the managers and menials do their business.

—That all arms including the local feminine brigade are partaking, in the latest encircling movement.

—That Waihi has had a record "wet" year. Some of those local banquets ?

—That China wants to send troops to fight and to be a, real good "AH li!" and catohem flolen devil.

, —That foreign bankrupts who admit they have had mo money for years and yet lend it, don't go to gaol—but they ought to.

—That the John Court who led the six o'dockers to Wellington is not our old John, the bowler, who is a "Sport."

—That if the reservists who "disappear" could be gathered together, they ought to make three full battalions of really good sanitary troops.

—That the moral atmosphere of Wellington is clearing and there are plenty of anti-shouting cases. Bernard Mcllveney is there, bedad!

—That Belgium is to be a pawn in the international game. "In pawn" would be the better expression.

—That the allotment Queens contributed largely to the six o'clock closing campaign. Oh! those bargain sales.

—Tliat the new deficiency board consists of self-sufficiencies and wont-works and' professors" of circumlocution.

( —That thus Mrs Pankhurst Everywhere Russian women are . stepping into the breach." Mrs - Pankhurst, of course, was too ladylike to say "breeches," but it is true.

—-That the Government threatens legislation to stop usury sharks. May one meekly suggest absolute suspension—per rope. Pity to waste Mark VII. on 'em.

—That although Mr Parr orders the immediate disuse of the Latin language, we have decided to 'imperishiably embalm the ancient phrase "Parr—i passu."

—That Auckland wharves are now absolutely safe. The authorities have stuck a sheet of corrugated iron up (at £100 a ton!) to protect eight wharves.

—That Auckland ladies will be glad to know that all their favourite young , policemen have been sucoessftilly appealed for and will NOT go to the nasty war.

—That the fact that two newspaper owners have enlisted makes it necessary to say that both Mr H. Brett and Mr H. Horton are still in Auckland.

—That it is suddenly discovered by the office arithmetician that school teachers, what with holidays, Saturdays and Sundays, work less than five months per annum. Good old efficiency I

—That the six o'clock closers don't intend going to bed any earlier, not while they have ia fat cigar, an easy ohair, and a decanter with /'beaded bubbles winking at the brim."

—That in reply to "Verdigris" ; of course it is impossible for an officer who has been found 1 guilty of embezzlement to again, enter the service in a money-handling capacity. (Loud silence.) •>

—That Auckland has enormous stocks of tea. The tea-total .vide six o'clockers is improving. -~'

=—That a writer wants to know "What's wrong with the Oabihet?" Oh, just the same old skeleton in it.

'" —That Lord Milner declares that all ■Germans will be ostracised. People are not always kind to their relatives.' ~ "'■',

—T'liat N.Z:. bootmakers; are 't|o meet to "conserve the efficiency" of the trade. For efficiency read "prices."

—That men of 43 and over will not be allowed to go to the front and one supposes their wives will have to put up with it.

—That the trout fishing season has opened. Ananias and Sapphira are already preparing their gear—■ and their yarns.

—That Mr Witty wants to know if there is enough bread at the front. Well, the flower of the Army is there, George!-

,—That the Thames Masonic weekend trippers left Auckland wharf with the refrain of "Ara be a-isy" in full fourth degree.

—That Willie Ralph's promised lecture on "My Old Thames Days" is looked forward to with keen interest by the 0.T.8.A.

—That the Parliamentary Enquiry hias carefully probed the food exploitation changes, but it hasn't probed the exploiters.

—That the canny fruitgrower now digs out the "specs" in apples with a knife and sells them chelap—only 4d per pound. Efficiency.

—That Mr Massey's sharp retort that Mr Veitch doesn't count, is untrue. Watch him (and Mr Massey) count his "honorarium."

—That a Remuera resident dug up a cannon ball in his garden. That's nothing. The police dug a "gun" out of a barber's shop.

—That citizens will be delighted to hear that news, not jet received will show that Germany is doing something in the revolution line.

—That the Thames gumdiggers' siesta under the sign of the "moa," while awaiting, the installation hour, nearly led to a serious operation.

—That Haig remarks that there have been no recent counter-attacks in France. But he ought-to see 'em at the drapery sales in Auckland.

—That the prices of liquor have been raised in Christchurch and a vessel known as the "Cathedral Square-face" is much sought after.

—That during the last twentyfour hours there has been no rise in Wellington rents. The land-lords are content with a modest 75 per cent. —That Tom Wilford, M.P., was lateiy reported killed in a motor oar accident. Tom has been explaining ever since that only the good die young! —That of 27 Napier watersiders called up in the Ballot only 2 passed fit. It gives you some sort of an indication of the type who rule the country.

—That the Wellington correspondent who declares ''the Government k'ttows what it wants" is absolutely accurate. It wants its salary and "perks" until it dies.

—That it is untrue that the Narrow Neck authorities supply eau de Cologne to Maori soldiers on their retiirn from a day out in town among the crayfish.

—That a new medical authority, speaking of types of human, hands says, under - 'an illustration, "Thieves, shoplifters, burglars, pickpockets and sometimes members of Parliament possess this type of hand.' .

—That a celebrated Second Drvisionist declares that he has,."important news from'a great general" that as far N.Z. is concerned there won't be'even, "Half ta league, half a league, half a league onward !" All tihe 2nd Divs, however,are "in the valley of breath."