THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXVII, Issue 44, 7 July 1917, Page 7

THEY SAY

—That wheat prices for next ear have not yet been gazetted.

— That tho Gorman mark in still falling. Even the German Crown i.s unstable.

—That as the daily press so t'rulv remarks, "Fighting Men's Fay.'' Who? The D.D.

—That America is raising an army of cullnd coons. The chickens of France are doomed for sunh!

—That Spain is very reticent about getting into the scrap. There must be a Spanish Hun-ion in Spain.

—That in reply to the well-known salutation, 'Ello, how yer doin' ? an Auckland bookie just said, "Fine!"'

—That in future,, ferry passengers: will bo made to show their tickets. "For twenty years—heavens, must 1 pay at last?"

—That when the six o'elockers went to the Premier, they expected' to find a jellyfish. Heavens! They found a human being!

—That peanut growing is becoming a New Zealand .industry. As yet, picture show proiuoters -have not lynched a single grovver.

—That people, seem to be worrying about a place for a soldiers' hostel. "Kilbryde" is empty .arid on the finest site mi Auckland.

—That an eminent prohibitionist says anti-troating is ,% screaming farce. For "screaming" .substitute "shouting" and you've got it.

—That the clever news headline, "Fighting Families," is not intended to suggest the attitude of the D.D. towards the relatives of the slain.

—That although clergymen complain of the decrease in the number of marriages, no judge in divorce complains that he has plenty of snare time.

— That six -o'clock closing and prohibitionists generally will be pained to hear that the Victoria Street Recruiting Station wias ffifted on bottle jacks.

—That the State is to have a huge dining room and a State bakery at Marton. The Upper Crust has not yet decided to patronise government loans.

—That President Wilson will not stop the manufacture of beer and wine. New Zealand six o'clockers have broken off all diplomatic relations with the U.S.A.

—That a gentleman of uncertain nationality lately told a Southern Service Board, "Me, I am not German, nor English—no! I am a neuter." These religious objectors!

—That there are three and a quarter million carcases in N.Z. cold store. It is feared that if the shipping shortage continues, New Zealanders; will add meat to their diet.

—Tliat it is magisterially ordered that a licensee may not serve a man "unless he is normal." Every licensee is. therefore expected to keep & Beattie and a Truby King on the premises.

—That tlhe attention of six o'clock closers and others is directed to the letter of a good soldier, who says, ""We Avant a jolly sight more rum." Can't somebody send a protest to the War office?

—That it is . untrue that the Government have authorised any Second Division man to capture any of the large number of deserters of the First, who have been called up but haven't paraded.

—That they spell it "Messopotaxnia" in literary circles.

—That the students of the situation "Keep your eye on Brussiloff and Ludendorff."

—That the tote is not popular in Sydney. , Now, if only the sporty could get the parsons to condemn it!

—That the reverend gentleman who declared anti-shouting to be "a screaming farce" has, of course, no "inside information."

—That only one war correspondent has been shot durinig the war. The Field-Marshals don't see how the output can be improved.

—That electric wharf cargo trucks have been introduced inito Wellington. Another injustice to the Emperor of the Doghook.

—That a doctor advises a "gargle parade" for everybody. We Know men who have been following his advice for years and years.

—That the morality of the Public Service is improvinig. During the past week or so, only one officer has been charged with defalcations.

—That despite rumours to the contrary it is not true that the wreck of the Boyd occurred at Onehunga, during the last council meeting.

—That a certain lady has had a war inspiration. To a visitor she said: "Just step into the pourparler—it's more comfortable than the dining room."

—That 60,00U people wish the hotels to close at 6' o'clock to end the war. To which the farmer replies, "Who gave them permission to end the Avar?"

—That during the week no Emperor, Shah, Czar, King, prince, navy, army, or public company has received any instructions from the Devonport Borough Council.

—That Sir Joseph Ward "gives it till the beginning of the year—it may end even before that." So the Mayor of M'angatakanera, who gives it to August, is out of it.

—That "tho' seas may divide," all is well. "Star" item in headlines: New Zealand's Plight. Horses driven to Australia. The drivers deserve well of their countrymen.

—That citizens keenly discuss the qualifications of Military leaders. As we heard a J.P. say yesterday, "Fftig? W'y I reckon the best o' the lot is General Offensive H«''s

right!

—That the attention of the "Lilies" is called to the fact that senior Salvation Army officers wear khaki and red, and that the said "Lilies" may be asked to take the tambourine round.

—That Dr. Newman ("The Fun Doctor") wants a secret session of Parliament, so that Mr Massey may tell the truth about the war. All right if all M.P.'s will sign the pledge and swear not to split.

—That after all, it doesn't matter twopence what Second Division leagues think or do. It is the wives of the Second Divisionists who are going to say things that matter. Men see l>oth sides, women one.

—That there are 78,500 ex-wait-ers fighting in the British Army. Seven have won V.C.'s—one. has become a Brigadier-General. There's something in the old hymn, "Wait, Meekly Wait and Murmur Not."

—That the Hon, J. W. Russell's circular asking local bodies to provide free graves for soldiers was thus commented on by a soldier: "The cows have got to bury us anyhow, or the inspector of niuisauces would hit 'em up."

—That the art of statesmanship is compromise. Why don't six o'clockers ask Willie to stop the habitual limekiln from getting soaked before nine in the morning? Remember the scripture: "How is it ye are so drunken seeing it is but the eleventh hour of the day ?"