THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXVII, Issue 34, 28 April 1917, Page 7

THEY SAY

--That the whole community is .suffering from "miner's complaint."

—That Auckland suburban councils are dreadfully warlike. They're shelling the paths!

—That when the freezing lunula were asked how they liked striking they replied "fine!"

—That tents are proved healthier for soldiers than huts. It is not illegal tocianvas soldiers.

—That the mobilisation of doctors is suggested. Now, if every doctor could only "form fours."

—That if some politicians don't get a large robust "ad." out of the coal strike one will be surprised.

—-That Germans boil their dead soldiers and extract glycerine—for the complexion of Fraulein, hem ?

—That will the miners please take notice that their striking comrades at Krupps have resumed work ?

—That an appellant declares that "Israelites" must not shed blood. Evidently those. Biblical wars were misreported.

—That Yon Bissing, governor of Brussels and murderer of Nurse Cavell, is dead. All together—three hearty cheers!

—That the disarrangement of. the railway time-table will interfere with official openings. Oh, why won't the war cease?

—That civil servants are going to work earlier on account of the strikes. The poor chaps call it "Daylight Slavinig."

—That, as the City Council so eminently observes, the production of food does not come within its province. ' 'Received."

—That if the coal supply ceases will suburban ratepayers kindly remember that the wooden fences belong to the landlords?

—That it is understood that when Mr Massey visited Windsor Castle, a good deal of Windsor .v< ap (soft) was flying about.

—That the ancient assertion that Old King Coal is a merry old soul is denied by the people who have oulv half a bucketful left.

—That the speed of tram cars in Queen Street is increased from 9 miles to 18. Good-bye, grandma— meet you at the funeral!

—That the-, hoot of motors is to be standardised by by-law. Tie man whose trumpet plays ' .'Vie Dead March" is bitterly disappointed.

'—That Major Conlan has seen girls with boots at £3 10s a pair in Auckland. Must be sisters of the officers who give £9 l(),s for a pair of fie.ld-Hoots.

—That, vide a Wellington public man, "Wellington municipal cars are so crowded as to be disgustingly indecent." Why not have municipal car control in Auckland ?

—That although Mr John Cullcn, 1.5.0., has been decorated with the King's Police Medal; this does" not infer that the police are always medalsome. Still it's some medal.

—That the extraordinary thing about the Australian Army is that as soon as a recruit enlists he's a soldier. Six months' civil life after enlistment is often a feature of New Zealand military life.

—That the deadliest thing ,New Zealand officialism ever did'was to shift "Anzac Day" because.ol electlions. May one suggest, .hat Christmas, New Year and Good Friday be shuffled up a bit ?

' —That when you offer anything to a coal-miner it is best not to .say, •'Take your pick." —That Germany has raised her last loan. It's sort of "mark" time with them. —That although horse-racing may cease-the Mayors will have a flutter to-morrow. —That the fellmongers have kindly accepted a war bonus. A few 'tanners." ■'■• —That reports that Corporal Tom Long is; still in London are denied. He is in khaki. —That although coal-miners are exempt from soldier service—they go to the ballot. —That recruits are required for the Samoa forces. Gentlemen oyer 85 are not available. —That if Mr Stewart becomes Mayor of Mount Eden he will stop 'all, works. Won't he just, fly in? —That the $tars and $tripes flew side by side with the. "Jack" on America Day. Can America go a loan ? —That! Lord Charles Beresford "'entirely agrees with Mr Massey." Fighting Charlie i.s evidently getting old. —That wli<;n the land agents heard about land for "neurasthenic' soldiers they winked the other eye.. —That it is claimed that we want the grain used in brewing for food. Samuel Soak retorts, "But ain't beer food?" —That in the first day's recruiting in the United States the authorities enlisted' 7000 colonels and a private and a cook. —That the clocks have been put on for the summer at Home. With the prevailing short skirts they are rather becoming. there is' no immediate need for the removal of the University College buildings. They are a site worth seeing. —That the idea that Auckland women are not doing war work is wrong. You just watch 'em fighting at the rag sales. —That if the. boot and leather shortage continues lawyers and land agents will be barefooted as well as barefaced in six months. —That Mr Parr, who lectures so excellently on "A Week in the Trenches" should make it "How I Stopped That Shrapnel." —That unprepared nations are coining over to J. Bull now Germany i.s. licked. Even Alfonso takes Spain to let us know he likes us. —That when the picture theatre people were threatened with stoppage a film oamc over their eyes and they gave five stupendous reels. —That it has been indignantly denied that the young staff officer with the glittering scarlet band is going to the front. He's indispensable.' —That parents .still ask, "What shall we do with our girls?" Some local firms will give 'em jobs scraping "Made in Germany" from their goods. —That "the prominent Anglo-. Colonial" who declares there's not a single able-bodied man loft in NewZealand should apply for the year's,fiction prize. —That the rumour that the Kai-j ser will personally confer the Iron. Cross on the leader of the New Zealand coal strike is denied in revolutionary circles. ;J f^ —That there are some wonderful, chaps about, and the Military Service Board finds that large going concerns must clouts- if Bill or Harry is taken. May heaveii prevent the office boy from enlisting. —That a lady who most loyally attends every patriotic meeting complains that "working '' women aren't doing their .share, don' you know. J can't get domes-tie servants anywhere."- Good, old war work!