THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

Observer, Volume XXXV, Issue 50, 21 August 1915, Page 16

THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

THERE are a number of modest soldiers in Auckland at the present time whoj although they are severely wounded, do not advertise the fact. They are jealous of the reputation of their regiments and of the reputation, of the Ne\y Zealand troops in Gallipoli. Some of these men have suggested that the statements made by Private A. Hanson, who was returned invalided to New Zealand, cannot be substantiated. Private Hanson is a young Yorkshireman smartly turned out, who wears his identification disc oh a chain round his left wrist. He also wears on the left sleeve the letters "M-G-" surrounded with a laurel wreath, signifying that he was with a machine gun section. Private Hanson has, since his return to Auckland, lectured in public, and has given a circumstantial and detailed account of his service in,.the field. The statements attributed- to him include one that his father went down in H.M.S. Bulwark and . his two brothers in H.M.S. Good Hope, and that he was selling some poems composed by himself for the benefit of a mate who had' lost two legs,' and so forth. This paper dbes not : know whether Private Hanson made these statements, but it has a very voluminous note of a statement he certainly diid make..

Hanson says that he was seven yeans in H.M. Navy, that he was a machine, gunner with the Auckland

imaqhine gun section, and was in charge bif one of the maiifliine guhs', and Avas 14 days in th© action fought at Gallipoli. He does' not say, anything aJbout' his.''father liaving lost in the Bulwark, and mentions only one brother who was I6st in the Good Hope. He also does not name the mate who lost two limbs. He does say that Corporal Willis, son of Archdeacon Willis, died in his arms; he does say that he saw the dead] body of an Australian who, had been tortured, to death, and who was abominally maltreated. Hanson explained that he—a private— was in charge of a machine gun because it "was' an honourable post," and that although there were nonr corns, in the section, these noncoms, had no power of control over the private in charge of the gun, although Hanson admits.he might take a non-com.'s "advice." Hanson also declared that he. fell down a steep bank on the Peninsula arid became practically temporarily paralysed. He made am extremely voluminous statement, not at all:in, accordance with that madle by his comrades. In this statement Hanson declares he was shot in action, and a wound in the leg. His mates say he has declared at various times' that hie was shot through, the lung and elsewhere. This paper took the trouble tb see the written record and there is no mention, of a wound. He was invalided' for asthma, is now reported free from asthma and fit for duty; In justice to men who' are seriously hurt, and) who object to Hanson's statements, one hopes the public wilPbe exceedingly; careful not to waste sympathy on anyone who does-not deserve it. : They must discriminate between the genuine and the others.

Gunner Eric Blomfield, of the N.Z.F.A., writes from "Somewhere in Gallipoli" :—"Things have quietened do\vn, a.lot lately. We are well dug in, and our position is pretty stro>ng.' Our work"".now is more like that of garrison artillery. Bombs

or hand grenades and trench mortars play a great pait. An Australian has introduced a trench rifle, with which it is possible to fire over' a trench without,..'exposing oneself. .This comes in bandy where'! the trencrhes are only a few yards.- apart. Our chaps are becoming quite expert at bomb throwing. They call themselves 'Tickler's Artillery.' Some of the bombs are made from jam tins labelledy'Tickler's.' The Turks' artillery is, on tho whole, inferior to ours. The Turks have been heaving over great six-inch Howitzer shells which make a noise: like a traction engine. You can see them coming a mile off. They bury themselves in the ground and explode to!.bits, blowing out a fair sizedl hole arid hurting nobody. They don't fire these very often or they'd lose the gun, but they fired about two dozen rounds at an emplacement almost on the skyline and didn't hit it. The Sikhs, who had two mountain guns in it, didn't stop firing. We are quite close to the firing line, but owing to the nature of the country are almost as safe from -rifle fire as if we were miles from it; besides, we have a small trench village here.

"Our latest chestnut! 'Hear Godley is in hospital?' 'No! What's wrong?' 'Rope broke when he Was getting into his dug-out, and he fell 30 feet!' "

"The cost of living has certainly gone up—but we must all make sacrifices," and the speaker, whether he be village Bumble or Minister of the Crown, folds fat hands over bulging waistcoat, and glares patriotically at his interioculator. "This is no time to ask for higher wages," he says; "we must consider the Empire." Well, let's see who are really making sacrifices. The merchant? Every time the imported price goes up, up goes the wholesale price; whenever an extra duty is threatened,, the merchant falls over himself in his haste to get his goods out of bond ; he sac-

rif ices much spare time fn getting around in mercantile circles and arranging prices. The retailer V Every time the ./.wholesale price- S?oes tip', ulj gxifeS. the. retail,,.price^. ! i.ri_fi,;.if anything more•"_». retailer bravely 'sacrifices,a' few;4ss or 50s per Week, employees. Wheii; flour and stock cothe down in price;, the baker and the .butcher sacrifice their high .same old prices, to their customers. The farmer patriotically 'sacrifices "his "/beloved- sheep a'lid..his cherished Afrool arid grain ; the Empire- need's them\ arid it is a mere, concidence that the prices he gets are higher than he has ever known' before. Heroism, heroism everywhere! AH these nneypeople are, so hard put to it that ;they are forced to l gamble to' retrieve 'their losses. That is the explanation of the huge increase in the totalisator investments at the Grand National Meeting last week! Before these sacrifices the efforts -of the wageearners are puerile and insignificant. AH they do is to eat less, and substitute bullock-grease for butter', and put more patches upon ; the clothes.and boots of their numerous offspring. Higher prices, increased taxes, gerieral financial pinch—it is all passed along by self-sacrificing producers and merchants and employers to the selfish people who don't sell anything, arid therefore can't pass it on ariy further. They have certainly provided the majority of the men now making fireworks for the entertainment of Turkey, but, apparently, that doesn't, count.. Surely they shouldl make sacrifices- — if they can find . anything more to sacrifice! . .

Takapuna Town Hall was having its stone laid on Saturday afternoon. Three hundred people stood in the bitter wind, with the- rain beating down on their heads; braving all, daring all in the glorious (jause. Mr Harris, M.P., spoke, Mr W. Beddoe spoke, and the Mayor of Takapuna was in full blast. He had reached his thirdly, arid was about to launch his fourthly, when the "Star" boy

invaded the gathering and did brisk business. Smiles were seen on every reader's face, some laughed aloud, and the Mayor went on with his speech. It was all reported in the "Star" I It is believed that the "Star" has a wireless installation, a mind-reading machine, and an aerial linotype connecting Takapuna with Shortland Street. And what a race of reporters!

Many recruits for the colours never before knew what important personages tbey were. One of them has ' already received' calls from sixteen (16) insurance life canvassers and has a stack of circulars as big as a Royal Commission report. The argument of the insurance canvasser as. something after this style: "You are going on active service. You're bound! to be shot. If you are lucky enough to get killed,, think what a .beautiful tombstone your parents can.erect.with the insurance money; You might be disabled' for life, or blinded, or anything. We caii-do you. a good line, in , disablement policies," ; and generally comfort themselves as if they were offering the recruit a new lease in life. Out of- twenty-five - canvassers who have at various times pestered the writer-only six have- been themselves insured, which is rather curious.' Recruits are receiving magnificent offers from jewellers per letter Of engagement rings, wristlet watchesr' presents for parents and those who are left behind; and many tradesmen are working the soldier patch for all it is worth, One firm has evidently mixed' the recruit list with the casualty lists and, a number of parents of, dead soldi&v-r are opening up letters' addressed" to the boys asking them to purchase anything from a line in.life insurance to a tin of boot polish. .

"Movie" : I saw that excellent recruiting picture, "A Hero of the Dardanelles" at a local picture show and was amazed that so many people appeared to believe that a cinematograph man had really followed the Australian; troops ashore at the Dardanelles and had carefully "snapped" the doings of the hero. In the scene where one Australian, actor dressed as a Turk does. Ins best not to hurt his fellow Australian actor who is the Tommy Cornstalk, a lar°-e number of men m the audience yelled "Go it Tommy!" and sooled the picture actors on. When the hero from Manly pushes the lurk from Coogee over the cliff one man

declared: "I knew he was too good' for the Turk!" and when a .stuffed dummy representing the drowned Turk floated by there was ari expression of fervid loyalty. A gentleman sitting next to me almost jumped out of his seat at the bayonet charge. "Them Turks don't like the cold steel!" he said, just as 5,000,000 human parrots have said before. I replied, "Do you?" and he was offended. A "Turkish" machine gun is shown with its crew. A warship is seen firing a large gun. "I'll bet she hits the machine gun!" he screamed in my ear. "There y'are, she did!" he screamed m(ro' y'are,.she did!" he exulted:. "Marvellous shooting, ain't it?" "Yes, with the camera," I saidl—but he didn't understand. Turning to his mate he whispered, "This fellow must be a pro-German,!"

The* average public bore is not fitted with a maximum intellect, but there is no bore who ever lived who did not complain that his public utterances were "misrepresented." One of the breed lately complained violently that the stupid reporter never caught his meaning. A public man should be reported' verbatim, he declared, so the prevailing reporter obeyed him. This is the verbatim report of the great public man's immortal utterance: —' The reporters ought not to —the reporters ought not to be the ones to judge of what is important . . .not to say what should' be left out—but—the members only can say of what is important." As. my speeches—as the reports—as what I say is reported sometimes no Can understand from the reports—what it ie—what it is I mean. So—it strikes me—it has struck me certain matters—things that appear of no importance —are sometimes left out —omitted. The reporters—the papers—points are reported, I meanto make a brief statement what the paper thinks of interest is reported.'?'

Mr Albert I. Flett, one of : the best known lightning jerkers in Auckland, has received! leave of absence to join His Majesty's New Zealand forces, and he will be leaving us very soon. Bert, whose people were well known in the hotel line at Waihi m the good old days, is a popular in the Auckland telegraph office. Ihe word "figure" is used advisedly, tor Bert is quite a giant and will show some real New Zealand jpoints to

those Turks down yonder, His nickname, is Al, composed of his initials, and it just (Describes him.to, aT. Besides bein gchairman of' the Auckland, branch of the New Zealand Post and Telegraph Officers' Association, where has done great work for the .rank, and file of the department, wjiich is by no, means a Government stroke proposition, and was a moving figure in the historic Post, Telegraph and Telephone Carnival, which recently added a nice handful to the patriotic funds.

Seventy-five years of age, and dead anxious to have a go at the Germans. Surely that is unique. Certainly it is a spark of the fighting spirit which has contributed to the Empire's position in tjhe forefront of the nations. This belligerent old warrior is John Mather, an Otago identity, who has had smacks at the Empire enemies' in various parts of the world. He ran away from college when he was fourteen and joined H.M.S. Terrible, taking part on that vessel in the bombardment of Odessa and Sebastopol in the Crimean war. He says he saw Admiral Seymour, then a middy on, the Terrible, pick up a, live shell and throw it overboard 1 . He was bought out of the Navy and came to New Zealand, but returned to England and joined

the Esk, taking part in the Chinese war., wheVe he was wounded. Subsequently he came'back to- New Zealand, and fought in the Maori war. He also volunteered for service in the Boer war, but was informed he was too old, despite his assurance that he could stop a bullet as well as any younger man. Mr Mather has drawn plans for a new type of suband is at present in communication with the Minister for Defence on the subject. He has four nephews fighting at the front. &> # @> Auckland smokers pay one shilling for one and three quarter ounces of tobacco —the heaviest price in the world. For the same shilling they can deliver, to any Ilritish soldier in the: tc'enches four •-ounces.of tobacco, 50 .'cigarettes, soriiei matches", a post card. This is the Overseas Club Daily Mail scheme. Every penny contributed is spent in tobacco. All the cost is borne by the Overseas Club Headquarteocs 'funds. From letters received from Gallipoli ; and Flanders it is certain that tobacco is often conspicuous by.its.abT. sense, and an organisation which will deliver goods that in New Zealand would cost just about 5s to the' soldier in .: his dugout is■ doing ••• good work. With the parcel of "Arf a Mo' " smoking mixture and Overseas Club cigarettes is a post card

addressed to the , donor. . 4ter friend merely posts ■••' it'to'you? and so you know thai/ has done good work. The Magi" Oveijseas Edition will- sicks nowledge every shilling in its isisu^fe;

. Statix:—r-It is interesting; in scanning the heavy, casualty lists amoifg New Zealand: troops to pbse-rve yrae remarkable proportion of inajioited men; In a total of 293;«asualtiesc{j9 of" the meiri «hibwn' not .Ngy Zealaridefis.' The proportion is ' soriie previous casualty lists was even greater than this. I merely point this Out, not as a jibe on New Zealanders, but to emphasise the wide Imperialism of..this war. You will notice the very large proportion of London lads in this list. They're not fighting particularly for New Zealand, but for the Empire, . the centre of which is London. One doesn't want to be so proud of the Australian or the Canadian or the New Zealander, as proud of the Britisher who inhabits the world and falls over himself to join wherever he iriay be.

Brother, art thou pervaded with the odour of sanctity? If not, well, why not? There's no excuse now, for the Rev. Dr. Gibb, of the Windy City, has been amang us, and while

we may not be cheered or warmed at the thought let us be spiritually uplifted. . The excellent doctor will be - remembered to his dying day for his part in- advertising tlie "Girl from Rector's" ':■ a few years ago. It was a case of advertising • virtue militant against civilisation, so far as New Zealand was concerned, and a tyranny comparable to that of Kaiser Willie,' prepared to descend with a fell swoop upon our liberties'. With one voice the community rose in its might and swept away the aggressors. Thus was history made. The worthy doctor's visit to the salubrious metropolis was, strange to relate, : not" for the benefit of oiir moral or spiritual welfare, but to-put his hands deep in the pockets of ; the .faithful for.the benefit of missions! Ariyway, whether we agree with him or not, let us compliment Dr. Gibb On his fine appearance. The passage Of years seems to leave no. mark lipon'him. His hair, it is true, is far from plentiful, but it ha® long been that way, due, doubtless to long and ardmons' thinking on countering the .wiles of the. enemy. . There -was a sparkle in his eye and a vigour in his movement that speaks of an active energetic soul and much clean living. Never mind, doc, old man, I don't agree with you at all, but more of your sort would do no harm in New Zealand.