THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXV, Issue 50, 21 August 1915, Page 7

THEY SAY

—■That a man has been fined £2 at Home for "shouting." The situation appears almost hop-less. —That Yon Tir.pitz, the shore admiral, proudly declares'the German navy is growing. It is—seaweed). —That the German Army objects to the decoration of a Jew with the Iron Cross. May we suggest a few names ? —That our latest drafts of recruits are full of hope. They expect to see a rifle for the first time on Gallipoli's shores. —That the recent successes of the Allies have made the Germans angry. Even, their helmets have got the Epike. —That owing to the great wool congestion the squatters have temporarily suspended their fleecing operations. —That Ashmead Bartlett is astounded at the size of the colonials. Even the colonial doctors have "amazing physic." —That, vide the "Herald," a meeting of egg-producers has, been held. The names of the hens were unfortunately omitted. —That Germany is going to build a fleet of armoured motor boats. Surely the Kiel Canal can't contain all this added ironmongery? —That British archbishops object to parsons joining the combatant brandies of the Army. In fact, if they do they'll get the bullet. —That owing to increased cost of living the cost of dying has been .raised at Tauranga. Undertakers announce a rise in the last rites. —That a stoker on a New Zealand troopship declares: "Cully, they're all millionaires. Every bloke's got false teeth and a wristlet watch!" —That attempts to manipulate the scales on N.S.W. racecourses have been discovered;. It's frequently done in fruiterers' shops, too! —That during this dread time we must all make sacrifices. Mr Justice Cooper is helping to make a score or so husbands and wives sacrifice each other. —That a local philanthropist has recently declared that the poor have a right to, live. These local strides in scientific discovery are l very gratifying. —That the local Registrar declares that the birth rate is going down. But the shipping companies say that the berth rate is going up all the time. —That sheepskin coats are wanted for New Zealand soldiers in Gallipoli. One wonders how many thousands the wool-brokers of Vulcan Lane will supply. —-That a correspondent writes to say that if everybody goes on the water waggon there will be no need for Mr Heather's new police, station on the water front. —That "the Romans kept their oysters until they were nearly putrid." Will Mr Bennet kindly ascertain if our Roman citizens still uphold' this custom? —That Sydney will send a Sportsman's Battalion to the front. No lack of "guns." The Auckland Presbyteiy is sending the battalion a tract about gambling. —That America will not declare war on Germany. It has an order for a million head of beef cattle for the Allies. Uncle Sam knows which side of the frying pan the steak's on. —That a politician wants to know how much wine the Government vineyards are making per year. We don't know, but speaking in a strictly military manner they haven't proda-ced a single barrel all the year.

—'That a German officer lately caiied and hid in a pig-tub. Home at last! ' —That Mr Martin Kennedy is visiting Auckland. Wonder what's going up in price now? —That among the things the people of Auckland have to put up with are the dear loaf and the cheap loafer. —That there are 13 men in the new National Cabinet. Messrs Russell and Haman don't know who is No. 13. —That curiously enough not a single Scotich family in New Zealand claims to be related to General Mackensen. —That N.S.W. has opened State fish shops. This is the least fishy thing a Labour Government has done for some time. —That it is quite untrue that Professor Yon Zedlitz has been asked to decide on a University College site for Auckland. —That it is not true that the V.M.C.A. will vacate its publicly subscribed building as a hospital for wounded soldiers. —That the German line was cut only last evening by the enemy—and the clothes fell in the mud. The police have the matter in hand. —That the local merchant who advertises for a typiste, "Smart, fast, and! good handwriting essential, is taking a risk for a married man. —That the report on the Trentham camp is due. It is considered likely that the report will state that what has happened really occurred. —That some citizens want to know how many New Zealand policemen have enlisted. Wonder what they've been doing to want the Hops to go away ? —That said the "Tommy," When I had shot 75 bosches before breakfast, my medical adviser ordered me to knock off, because I'd get a stiff neck." —That the Woodville paper had this: "Patriotic Hard Up Social— To, be Hell in the Town Hall, Wednesday, August 11." And the parson was there, too! —That Sir Robert Stout complains bitterly of the improvidence of the working man. A man with £1500 a year never can understand why one with £150 desn't save money. —That pious persons who gamble every minute of their lives in business have stopped patriotic raffles for wounded soldiers. "Kind, kind and gentle is he, kind is ma Sandy!" —That although tipping has been abolished it is still possible by long and arduous persuasion to induce a ship's steward to do threepenny worth of bag carrying for 2s 6d. Try - it! —That the young ladies who were unfortunately locked out of their hotel the other evening owe much to the intrepid young gentleman who helped them brave the perils of tlie fire escape. —That there is no trouble in Samoa. Soldiers from the Island are wearing bayonets that were obsolete 25 years ago. Interesting to see them fighting with the ancient Martini in France! —That it is not to be forgotten that the recoids department for our troops in Egypt is run by civil servants whia have been pi toll forked into comisions. A couple of army sergeant-majors are wanted. —That quite a number of people want to know why any one of the three highly salaried Public Service Commissioners should be given paid jobs while still commissioners. Havn't the Commissioners enough to do? . —That most people think that the department dealing with wounded soldiers in Egypt should be under civilians. The real weakness, however is that it is under new soldiers who use civilian methods. The army system is perfect. —That the soulful poetic appeal in Devonport which asks, "Why Daddy Doesn't Go," and then urges him to join the National Reserve is the funniest thing in unconscious humour to date. Wars ain't won by Sunday march outs.

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