THEY SAY

Observer, Volume XXXV, Issue 48, 7 August 1915, Page 7

THEY SAY

—That beef has risen some more. The bullock has the meat and the butcher the "hide."

—That it is now illegal to "tip" stewards'—so you can carry your own bag and l be blowed to you!

—That the marriage rate ie dropping woefully in Auckland), and the perambulator trade is in despair.

—That a Prussian Prince is to be declared King o.f Poland. Hun-easy lies the head that wears a halfcrown.

—That our gallant friend "PiouPiou" no longer wears red trousers. He pantos along in "les pantalons bleues."

—That soldiers on leave report that they have had (juite an interesting shooting training—with blank ammunition!

—That the W.C.T.U. is strenuously objecting to raffles for patriotic purposes. May pity thaw their frozen hearts!

—That thirteen hundred German papers have ceased publication. The people now carry their sausages away in their hands.

—That cavalry horses are to be dyed blue in future. One has noted this shadte in the countenance of punters before to-day.

—That the women of Germany are beating tradesmen who stick up the prices. In New Zealand the tradesmen "beat" the women.

—That butter ha® been reduced a penny per pound. Couldn't the grateful public give Hooknose and Co. a. purse of sovereigns?

—That Dr. Averill lately demonstrated! that the war was for the right. At the boxing championships the "left" eeemed to be most in evidence.

—That the Auckland Provincial Boxing Championships took place. AVill every gallant fighter post a paper containing hi&| "viicttory" to GaMipoli?

—That Belgians will wear a scrap of paper on anniversary day. The same medal, with "1.0. U." on it might become a colonial anniversary diecoratioax.

—That, vide Librarian Barr, people are reading more literature than usual during the war. Mr Barr fails to mention whether the Kaiser will be brought to book.

—That we are definitely assured that farmers will assist the Government to control food prices. The combination ought to squeeze the housewife dry of her last penny.

—That citizens of German extraction are showing a keen desire to be admitted to local protective and fraternal organisations—and being received with open arms. Silly!

—That London Society women have decided to wear their clothes until tliey aire worn out. This means that a duchess may appear twice in the same thousand pounds worth of toggery.

—That, despite the cost of living and all those minor matters, there is "plenty of good marble" for tile, new Parliament Buildings. Thus does Reform "make its marble

good."

That the Irish populace of a Wairarapa town were exceedingly disturbed to learn per headline, "Austrian® Occupying Dublin." A local Pat went to the editor and gave him "L." "Bedad, it's just 'Lublin.' "

That the Government has purchased' £3,000,000 worth of meat—of course for the benefit of the State— and that's possibly why Mother ie jtovr paying another penny all round. Hooray fee- Reform!

—That, of course, "Horstmann" is not a German name. Ask the Gas Company.

—That although the Kaiser is not 3 r et hanged or drawn— he is quartered—at Potsdam.

—That ■everybody should do his bit-—even a politician. One is recruiting—at Ro'torua.

-—That the anniversary of the war was celebrated at Onehunga. Naturally enough there was a lwwe.

—That eleven distinct peoples, are at war. This does not include Willie of Franklin .and Joseph of Awarua.

—That it i<s but five months to Christmas? Will New Zealanders have roasted Turkey by that time?

when Sidey's "Daylight Saving" farce arrives there will be actual' time and the "Sidereal" variety.

—That Mr Gunson must be careful. When asked 1 what Nihotapu was, the other day, he replied, "Oh, dam!"

: —That it transpires that a. sentry shot a man, in Wellington. One supposes the regiment lent the sen-try its rifle.

—That if the new reinforcements really want machine guns—couldn't they borrow some from the National Reserve?

_ : —That the Coalition proposal is "in abeyance." We don't know what district it is in but it is in the vicinity of Queer Street.

—That Mr Robert Burns having declared that economy is desirable, one trusts that people will still continue to buy ironmongery.

—That July has , been a very wet month. Fortified by this assurance another wine and spirit merchant is opening up in Auckland.

—That Captain—-eir—Cartridge, of the—ah,— Grenadier Gawds has returned from the—aw—bally Islands. (Note.—See Army List.)

—That optimistic people are busy with stories of the "change after the war." As long as it's not for more than sixpence we can find- change now.

—That it was. exceedingly unmannerly for a man ait the boxing show to declare that the pugilists who do not gp) to the front are the "dirty left." J

—That it was original)' reported that Lord Dalmeny was wounded in the North of Trainee . It now transpires, however, that he was wounded m the leg.

—That Town Clerks who append the names of mayor® to municipal advertisements are respectfully invited to ask Mr B. Bull the correct form to adopt.

—That Mr A. M. Myers declares that New Zealand's aim is to stand by the Mother Country. New Zealand's aim should be improved' on the rifle range, too.

—That the large and very young Britishers who aire getting a "clane and aisy" job in the New Zealand ■police force have a quaint idea of their duty to the Flag.

—That, vide the irrepressible papers, the Turks still "fear cold steel." Let any man who doesn't fear it try a small stab under the fifth rib with a sixpenny penknife.

—That Gisiborne plans to import a machine gun from Britain to be sent iback again with a New Zealand military draft. Couldn't Gisborne plan some more methods of wasting time ?

—That a famous officaw recently 'returned! from a business tour gave three — aw — champagne luncheons don't you know. "I drink nothing but Phrontinang, don'tcherknow!" Yaas!

—That Dr. Averill implores us not to hate the Germans. In fact, "If thine enemy smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." Will the Bishop please excuse us if we ejaculate "Bah!"?

—That, vide the "Herald," "In ancient Media it was considered a reproach for a man to have fewer than seven,- wives." With all the young men away, modern New Zealand* may 3 T et take a lesson from the Median Boole of Life.

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