THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

Observer, Volume XXXV, Issue 46, 24 July 1915, Page 14

THE FRETFUL PORCUPINE

WHEN the wounded New Zealand soldiers from the Dardanelles travelled from Wellington to Auckland last week, a. limited number of their relatives a.ndl friends were allowed to travel with them in the hospital train. Of this number there was at least one who was neither a α-elative hot a- friend. She was the sweetheart of one of the mem. This soldier had a wounded arm, which was bound' up and! strapped across his breast. On the long journey, hies girl—she was a very pretty, sweet girl with a charming smile—waited upon, her hero hand and foot. In the grey morning, when the train; was roicking along through -the mountains, she was sitting wirbh her a,rm around him, his head! rested upon her shoulder and he was sound asleep. ' Someone who had wandieredl into the carriage, tiptoed! out again, but later on this wianderer returned, and found that the soldier was awake, and his girl was helping him to spruce himself up a bit. In onie half of a celluloid soap dish she hadl brought some water from the tap, and with her hand>kerehief moistened therein she was sponging his fiace. The visitor said "Good' morning," and they both smilingly responded to the salutation. After a few inquiries regarding the soldier's health, tine early caller said to the girl, "Your brother?" "No, my boy," she replied. "And! I'm proud of him," she added. "You're glad to have him back?" "Oh, yes," was the heartfelt reply. "And now you'll keep him here^'P

jsuppose:?" "Oh, mo. He's going back when I've got him well. I want him to go, don't I, Jim?" Jim nodded. "After we're married," he said, and the pretty girl blushed l . When the visitor went back to his friends, he said, "I wish I was a wounded soldier. I'd like to have someone wash my face like tthat."

There were some incidents at the railway station when sick and woxunded soldiers arrived last week. The train was besieged by officials in various brands of uniform and without uniform, with no coherent idea of what they were there for, the only people apparently who knew their job being the nurses, officers and non-coms, on the train. It was necessary to discriminate between the meni who'had l been in Egypt or had fought in Gallipoli and the soldiers who had not left Auckland. This was easy by a glance at their faces—or aj> theur boots, as no soldier from "'abroad was wearing the brown paper variety. It was also necessary to discriminate between the men who had been wounded in Gallipoli and the men who had gone sick in Egypt, some of the most picturesque cases on crutches and in large solar topees being cases of nervo\i6 breakdown. If some wounded men stole away, so as not to be welcomed as cases of dysx>epsia or nerves one will excuse them.

Eager women were the most interesting people in the crowd at the railway station. There was such a weight of large officials to blot out the mere relatives that anxious mothers caught mere glimpses of their boys "through moundls of police, stacks of St. John Ambulance men, and large lengths of Permanent Artillery. One woman sobbed out quite quietly, "There's my son lookimg out of tihe carriage window." "Why don't you go to him?" asketl a man. "Do you think they'd lei* me?" she asked, lookih^44.. the officials who didn't in the least know ,what to do. with themselves. All the "same the mass faded! out of her way,

and! im a moment she was kissing him through the smallest possible aperture in the window, a,mli pattirg a very thin haaid. Tine people did not quite know whether it was a fanthing to hip-ray, and therfore everything was rather subdued except the band, which played a few bars of "See the Conquering Hero Comes" at least twenty times. One quaint soldier man wearing a Turkish, fez attracted some attention. A parent with a soldfrer sion proudly held a shell while the protographer took a snap. It is not known, whether the shell is supposed to be the one that wounded the soldier, but the crowd obviously accepted this as the fact. One saw the meeting of a mother and father and soime ' sisters of a badlly wounded soldier. The look of astonishment on the faces of these people was very striking.- It was obvious that he was utterly changed. and was no longer the bright young boy who had gone away a few months previously. These sights are to become common to all colonial cities, and they give a. very slight conception of the world wide misery that exists when broken soldiers come home.

News is published that "Tiny" Knyvett, once a local celebrity, has been given his majority, and is with a Royal Field Artillery draft in Britain, waiting to limber up for "somewhere in France." "Tiny" has already had a dose of this war with the Botha forces in Africa, and was invalided with wounds. Perhaps there is something special about Major Knyvett. It is unusual for an artillery officer of the regular army to obtain his majority in such short order. The terrible casualties among officers of all arms is totally changing the personnel of British regiments. Remember Kiplimg :— Our sergeant-major's a subaltern, Our captain a. fusilier ; Our .adjutant's late of somebody's "Horse" And a Melbourne auctioneer!

Several people hoorayed like anything when the Hon. Charles Johnston became Speaker of the UppaJi House, and several people would have hoorayel if that dapper little man W. 0. Caimeroes had scooped the bauble after long, Long years of Legislative Councilling. The new Speaker was two years old 68 years ago, and the son of his father, ard he was a Londoin stockbroker. Mr Johnston the elder put a few clean tilings in hie portmanteau and came to New Zealand when it was mostly bush, and went in for business and politics, and in fact the whole Johnston hapu has shown a political tendency for nearly a century. The Hon. Charles has been a highly successful accumulator of the root of all evil, and kept up the political reputation* of the family by marrying the dlaughter of the famous Dr. Featheraton, one of the early provincial superintendents. The joung- Ter Johnstons have, of course, been educated! at Oxfawd or—ah—Cambwidge, and are in the law line, drive motor cans, play polo, and always dress for dinnaw.

A commercial item :—German potash used to be landed in New Zealand at £40 a ton. The same breed of potash is now exceedingly difficult to procure, and is £180 a ton f.o.b. Liverpool. In the coming summer, New Zealanders, who are the most wasteful people on earth, will 1 burn every stick of bush they can set a light to, and, instead of making New Zealand the greatest potash producing country in the world, will send their own potash to the high heavens, and so on buying ipotash from Japanese, Siberian, Norwegian or American forests at the largest possible price that can be foroedl oint of them. If you were to ask the New Zealand Government anything about potash it would look it up in the dictionary, and) then ask you to talk about votes or new post offices. It refused! to listen for a moment to any talk about our great chemical possibilities, and the only man who ever mentioned tree chemistry was a German employpd by the New Zealand Government, and whose sons are loyally serving this Empire now. Why save New Zealand potash when it can be brouaht from England at leas than £200 a ton? Ask someone who knows—say the Right Hon. W. F. Maesey, Minister of Industries and Commerce and Commissioner of State Forests.

Devonport has been invaded by a firm of musical instrument vendors, whose lability to sell has been exemplified very fully. In one instance a servant girl 1 became a. purchaser on the etystbem wihich arranges for progress payment®. The girl failed to keep the payments \ip. Promptly came the demand that is a part of such business, "If not paid before the blank day of blank proceedings will be taken." The girl was, of course, terrified, and' went to her mistress. "Wait until the master comes home," said tlhe mistress, "and I'll speak to him." The man of the house came home. He was shown the letter of demand. He toad seen, it before. He was the solicitor who had sent it!

There are more ways than one of serving the Empire, and among the ways are some that are distinctly novel. For instance, a few weeks back, a young fellow, himself unable to go to the front, roped in quite 20 off his pals for service. Seems that he had a. shot at getting away, but the medical men turned him down. He was horribly disappointed, l but lie saw a means of service im Auckland. Casually he got into conversation with various fellows about the war, and l then jeered at them for staying behind in safety and not doing their duty. Of course, their retort was obvious. ""What the blazes was he talking for, anyway. He wasn't doing anything," and' bo on. His reply wasi invariably the same, "Well, I'll tell you what. You , chaps come up with me to the Defence Office and we'll all be put through." And so they used to go. Of course, the self-appointed decoy invariably got turned down while the others usiially went through with flying colours.

Lexico.—Ninety-five per cent, of the newspapers of New Zealand have reprinted a par emitting astonished! roaijs f»f applause at tihe "strict military ■ discipline" ait a camp where the sentry held up the Premier because he hadn't got a pass. The New Zealand Press always flogs itself into an ecstatic state about common things. It's awfully surprised that a sentry should be a sentry, amd wondlers why a man who is ordered to guard a gate shouldn't fall down dead at the sight of a politician. A week or so ago a man entered a military camp on highly important business with the camp commandant. The camp commandant is a good fellow—and he knows his New Zealand. Said he: "You'll have to excuse me; I can't attendi to you; I have to show three politicians round the camp!" That is to say, an officer, supposedly in supreme command of a camp, chucks his military duties to the wind to act as guide to politicians. D'you think he'd detail a subaltern, or a ser-geant-major, or a sergeant? Not he! He had to attend personally to his masters. Also, on that particular day, the whole of the troops were made a fatigue party to clean up the camp for these politicians to walk on.

Lately the estate of am Auckland Chinese fruit vendor was realised, for reaeons unknown to th© writer. And the great British public rushed the shop to purchase thie solid stacks of rich, ripe, sound fruit displayed in tempting rows. It was first observed that no Chinese. .fruiterers sought to make fortunes at the sale. The yellow man was conspicuous by -his aihsence. The auctioneer sold the rows of fruit as they stood. Auckland economists fell over each other in a frantic desire to obtain two rows of oranges that the Chinamen, always make to* look like seven rows, andi everybody wanted to pay 5/- for ninepennyworth of aged and gouty fruit. Before the auctioneer ihiadi finished disposing of the fruit for six times its real' value an inspector of fruit 'handled! up his card and quietly insisted that no bargain should leave the shop. Consternation reigned l in the hearts of the

simple siouls who ached to give 51----for ninepennyworth of fruit and nearly all of it was discovered to be in a very whiskered l condition. It is rumoured that ome gentleman did get a bargain. He bought for £2 10/- am ancient and obsolete cash register that had) been sold the last time far 7/6.

Lexico.—Both local daily papers, in mentioning the demise of Robert Vyner, rich British sportsman, who diedi worth £998,000, headline the news: "Nearly a Million." In fact, it is only a couple of hundred thousand short of a million ? and any sub-editor or reporter will tell you that two tons or sovereigns are neither here nor there. When any poverty stricken Nfew Zealander merely' leaves £200,000 behind him, I trust such a trifle will not be mentioned by the Press. If the Press should ait any time lose £200,000 out of the hole in its pants pocket one desires that such a bagatelle should not be reported even to the police. The headline is own brother to: "What Might Have Proved a Most Serious Accident." If it is correct to call £998,000 "nearly a million," it is correct to say that Jones who died and left eighteenpence was worth £200,000.

"On the Road" writes:—There were many touching scenes at the stations at which the New Zealand: hospital train stopped! on its way northwards last week, and even when the train rushed , past without slackening speed cheers were given and , flowers thrown. The cheering, at night sounded almost ghostly to those in the cars as the train flew into the range of sound and as quickly passed on. At Frankton, a number of middle-aged! and elderly women gathered about the hospital car and chatted to the men inside. They were chiefly concerned regarding the nature of the wounds and the health of the patients. To an inquiry made by a dear old ladjy, a soldier said, with a smile, that the bones of his foot were broken by a bullet. Her kind eyes filled with tears, as, with a glance at his face such as a mother gives her son when she thinks he does not look quite

himself, she said, "Poor foot, poor fellow!" and turned away to liide her tears. ; . -,-.■ $> $> © The average sober citizen, wlio turns into bed before midlnight and sleeps the sleep of the just-so, can never realise how many more entirely sober men there are, working within a stone's throw of his scene of snores, who are confronted every night, on , rather early morning, with the taisk of getting home when their work is finished. When the last train rolls away, maybe he hears it go. But it's a red sunset to a red herring that he never thinks at all about it. Footfalls passing his windows are to him .merely sounds in the night, not signs of human activity, which, may consist of a three-mile walk home to bed. In Auckland, hundreds of workers, train men, railway men, telegraph operators, charwomen and a host of others, have to walk home because the last cars: have gone, and! last, but not least, there are newspaiper men in the same box. Perhaps because it is his business to record events and impressions, the newspaper man can always tell more tales than others ca,n of these dead-of-night homeward walks. Others may experience such happenings, but they don't say anything about them.

The many friends of the late Mr J. 0. Maoky, who, together with Mrs Macky, was lost in the Lusitania murder, will be glad to hear that news has , been received of their bravery shortly before -the great ship was scuttled. Mr Jack Macky was, as many are aware, in, London, and he was attracted by an advertisement in a London paper, saying tihat if any relative or friend: of that gentHemaini would call on the advertiser she* would give details of the last seen! of them. Mr Jack Macky called on the lady who advertised. She saadi that Mr . andl Mrs Macky were quietly heroic. When the vessel was struck by the torpedo they assistedl every woman possible to a lifebelt, and put them on with their own hands', helping in every posible way their fellow-passengers. It as supposed that the lady herself was fitted 1 with a lifebelt by either Mr or Mrs Macky. She reported that when she last saw the deceased lady and gentleman they were

standing calmly hand am handl on the deck of the Lnsitania awaiting what fate had in store for them.

To see Mr and Mrs Moffat and the other ©lever people in "A Scrape o' the Pen" at His Majesty's Theatre there were many Scots. A particularly Scots couple eat in the stalls. Old! Mac was friendly find talkative, and a gentleman sitting next to him seemed to be a fit and! proper person) to whom to address a few remarks. "It's a gran' play, mon. Ye'U be Scots yersel', I doot ? Ah come frae Aiild Reekie masel'! And whit's yer name?" The other Soot turned his , open countenance to the frank old gentleman, "Abrahams," he said. "Man, dear, then I'll swear ye dinna come frae Aberdeen!"

"Pakeha" :—Anyone who holds that the Maori cannot fight or would not make ia good soldier should go to Narrow Neck and see the Maori soldiers in their encampment, also note how clean the tents and their surroundings are, and how smart and soldierly the bearing of the men is. Just now they are doing work instead! of drill. The new site of the camp is almost ready for occupation, the hutments and other buddings being nearly completed. The Maoris are working at clearing the ground, which slopes gently down to the eea. They are also -making drains, and will finally cover the w.hole of the grounds of the camp with scoria laidl to a depth of over a foot. When they are working the Maoris run instead of walking; they seem to have all the zeal of unsophisticated youth, and when spelloh time comes round! they relax by indulging in long jumping and other light exercises. There is an old quick-firing gun standing out in the open in a position, from which it could rake Rangitoto Island fore and aft, aloft and alow. The Maoris love to train* this extinct piece of ordinance, and) if the photographer, who almost lives in the camp, wishes to persuade a shy eoiintry Maori lad to have his features recorded, he suggests as am. effective pose, "The Gunner and Hie Gun" attitude, or, with a group chatting about it, "Britain's Bull-dogs at Play." These Maori boys are the most orderly soldiers one could imagine. In fact, they are bora soldiers : .

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